From the MOUTHS of BABES

I shall give this post a disclaimer as the contents of this post seem to point out my flaws as a parent. I'd also like to point out that this child has proven to be "freakishly perfect" ever since in the behavior department. That said..I shall allow you to move forth and read. GOD SPEED and GOOD DAY!

One day while huz was watching the Soprano's the littlest wee one was walking into the room. In the middle of coloring she said to her daddy,

"Boy, Daddy. He sure likes to say FUCKIN' all the time, doesn't he?"

On a trip to Frisko Freeze (yummiest drive-in ever) littlest one walks down the sidewalk to the house and said, "DAMN it's COLD out here!"

Same trip to Frisko Freeze, littlest one takes a bite of her corndog and says under her breath, "Damn! THAT'S HOT!!"

I'm skerrd. really...really...really...skerrd!

Simply Brad

Look at that Daddy...aaaawwwww...his heart melted when that girl was born!

A broken-hearted Carm

Hiya guys and dolls.  I have to share my feelings with you because something transpired on Easter Morning that I didn't see coming. *deap breath* Okay...

So...late on Saturday evening I was doing my Mrs. Bunny duties and headed up to bed. I gently awoke at just before 8:00 am. I went downstairs all ready to get some pictures of my sweet girls opening their Easter Gifts and WHAMMO! It was like hitting a brick wall!

Those kids were sitting on our big comfy red couch munching on jellybeans with the sparkly grass all over the coffetable watching TV. My heart went up in my throat and then I started getting a little upset. I said..."You guys already opened your Easter stuff?"..in unison.."Yeah!"...my bottom lip kinda stuck out and my heart sank and my HUZ was just sitting at the computer dinkin' off. I said..."I am very disappointed with you all!"...I instantly got a sharp pain behind one of my eyes which is a sign of the dreaded migrane beginning to form and decided to go back upstairs lay down and watch TV and go back to sleep.

UGH! I was completely broken-hearted! I mean...my Huz likes to go running with the dog on Sunday mornings, so I thought that perhaps they ran into the living room while he was out doing that.

I got up and took a shower and walked into the kitchen and Huz asked me how I'm doing with an ever-so-soft rub of my back and I just said, "I'm PISSED!!!!"

Later I asked him where he was when they opened their stuff and he said he was on the computer! WTF?!?!?!  What's next? Am I gonna miss CHRISTMAS if I wake up too late? And since when is 8 AM on a Sunday too late to wake up?!?!?! Why was there no attempt to come and get me like there has in years past? WTF?!?!?!?!?!?

Luckily the "Easter Bunny" texted me when he hid the Easter Eggs so that I could come down for that little ceremony...normally the "easter bunny" calls either my Huz or myself to let us know that somehow..someway...he yet again snuck into the house and hid the eggs. I have no idea how he does it! My kids are on high alert all day waiting to catch a glimpse of him...but they always miss him. He's a sneaky little bugger.

Having said all of this...I want it to be clear that this is in NO WAY characteristic of my family! We do things TOGETHER! We love being with eachother! We genuinely like all the "pomp and circumstance" that goes along with a holiday where when you wake up, you get to open a gift. Something like this has never happened. My Huz LOVES to take pictures of all of the festivities and get the reaction shots. This year...something happened. And it's not like I let my kids run rampant! They are strictly observed and have an excellent sense of right and wrong and I assure you...the second that I saw them, they BOTH knew that Mommy was gonna be really REALLY sad that they did what they did.

I think I'm over the disappointment...but that was a BIG ONE! Whoa. I was basically down and out for the entire day. Good thing we didn't have a family gathering planned!

I love you..I really do...you can ask anyone! ~ Carm

Am I ready for 13?

This is Katie. She's currently 12. Soon...WAY TOO SOON, she will be 13. August 20th to be exact.

You see, I'm trying to be the cool mom. I want to have one of those open relationships with her where she can come into my room, climb into my bed and we can just talk away a Saturday morning giggling and carrying on. I want her to share with me her interests, her sorrows, her triumphs and her disappointments.

I didn't have that with my Mom and I want to have that with her. I know it CAN happen...it just hasn't gotten there yet.

The black eyeliner came into play just this last week and it threw me into a tizzy. While trying to be constructive and letting her define her own style, I want to be sure she understands how she is percieved. If ya walk around looking like a stinkin' raccoon, people are gonna think you're into grunge, and are all GOTH & crud like that. If that's the road she wants to take, I may be up for it...and maybe I won't...but I asked her point blank and clearly she told me that she is NOT wanting to be viewed as that. WHEW!!! I had beads of sweat forming on my upper lip, people! I was skerrrd!

We were able to clear the hurdle of bras, her first period, our first "run to the store for some 'personal' items" - which by the way...in 5th grade when she came home from that 1970's flick they show all the pre-pubescent girls about how delicate a flower they all are and how they need to prepare for the changes their bodies will make...the kid was so excited she blazed through the house waving in her hand the sanitary products that she was given - OH SO EXCITED to share with her Daddy and I all the great stuff she learned! it was SOOOO cute! It made me very hopeful! I mean - she was really excited and her daddy was just all about it too! I mean a girl needs to be able to talk to her daddy about this stuff too!

So over the last few months we've flipped a switch and everyone is stupid and we're getting MOUTHY all of a sudden and being more introverted with the eye rolls...and the heavy sighing. Oh boy. I'm am really trying to take it all in and digest the changes and I'm also trying to see if we fall into a pattern of PMS attitude...because she would obviously be getting that from ME!  And I just want the girl on the beach back. Please...and thank you!

Patience...compassion...understanding...all sprinkled with a mothers' love. I think that's what this recipe calls for.

I love you...I really do...you can ask anyone!  ~ Carm

Melts my heart...

This is Alissa...she melts my heart. She's my youngest daughter and is the apple of my eye. Her huge blue eyes. Her button nose. Her freckles. Her spunk! She is truly a gift.

I must share with you some of her wisdom that she's shared with us in her short time on the planet...we've been writing down these little nuggets for quite some time, but these are our favorites:

Circle of Friends

I'm inspired by the love on PNN. We are friends here. There's no mistake about it. There's not a day that goes by that I'm not in awe of the hearts that I have met through this format.

Whether I'm venting about my SB...or worrying about my dog dying...or having a silly day, I can always count on my PNN gals to join in my joys as well as my sorrows and help lift me up and help me cope.

I'm not looking for a Kum-bay-yah moment here, but if that's what happens then, so be it. You are all so important to me and I am proud to call you my friends and without hesitation, I say to you, "You are my sisters and friends and I love you."

It's amazing something as simple as a goofy little ladybug blogging her little heart out has enriched my life so much. I love being here and I love that I have you all in my life.

I think the world needs a few more like us and I also think that saying, "I love you" doesn't happen enough these days. Tell someone you love that you love them today. Look them in the eyes and make sure they know that you love them.

I love you...I really do...you can ask ANYONE! ~ Love, Carm

I *am* that Crazy Dog Lady

Now that Sierra the Wonder Dog is having some spleen and intestinal issues, I find myself not wanting to know what life will be like without her.

I feel that it doesn't matter how much money it costs to make her well again...I will pay it...without question. She has been our sweet sweet baby girl for 7 years and we love her as if she were one of our children. She is funny, and ornery and playful and completely devoted to our family.

I feel that now would be a horrible time to not return the favor - no matter what the cost.

We took Sierra into the Emergency Vet Clinic last night because she had vomited 14 times while the kids were at school and we were at work. We happily cleaned up the mess on the kitchen floor but kept our concern for her in the forefront of our minds. We're *BIG* on the baby-talk in my house and speak to the dog as if she were a real live 6 month old baby...instead of a 7 year old senior citizen dog...but she seems to eat it up, and even understands it, so we're not too worried about the fact that we do it 24/7 with her. It's just the way we are.

So during the night last night after we returned from the Emergency Vet Clinic and they had given her fluids in the fatty tissue on the back of her neck and she walked out of there like a cross between the Hunchback of Notre Dame and a Camel, we thought it was pretty funny. Thinking today when we woke up she'd gobble up her food and lap up her water, and head outside to do whatever it is dogs do out there...I think it has something to do with sniffing things and copping a squat/lifting a leg here or there. But when we got up, we realized she had vomited more throughout the house....what I thought was a dream...wasn't one...and the funny thing is - and you Mommy's out there will know what I'm talking about - my "Mommy-Dar" was on 10 and I was waking up to every click, pop, squeak and bump that happened in the night - just in case it was Sierra, needing some help. Yep - Mommy-Dar works on dogs, too, apparently.

I decided when I was ready for work, that I'd head out and come home @ my first break and check on her and if she had vomited any more, I would not hesitate to take her back to the Vet ER. Well...she did. Twice. My heart sank.

Something I'll never be able to do is put a price tag on a life....whether it be a dog or my child. I just don't have it in me. Once I was done with the doctor and he gave me the estimate for the care that Sierra would need/possibly need...my heart sunk again....to somewhere in my ass, I think. It started off in my chest...sunk to my stomach during my trip home for my morning break and again when the estimate arrived. Over $1600. Worst case scenario. Meaning....all the tests that are needed to find out what's wrong with her. Once we FIND OUT, then it'll be more to fix her up, unless all the fluids they are filling her with right now do the trick and whatever is lodged in her small intestine flushes itself out of there on it's own.

Not sure if you know this about me...but I have an overactive imagination at times. I know...you're *shocked*. So it'll come as no surprise to you when I tell you the next tidbit that has been going through my mind...

Much like I thought I would perish much like Julia Roberts did in Steel Magnolias....I have thought my sweet Sierra would perish like Marley did in "Marley & Me". Now...with a hardened oversized spleen and a gassy tummy and a bunching of her small intestine...I'm sitting here thinking the worst...and thinking about what a loving, sweet dog we have. And what joy she has brought to our lives. How much she loves to go camping and how much she loves our girls. How we can have sneezing contests and can go back and forth 20 times and she will roll over onto her back and be playful and want a belly rub. And how she goes running with my husband on Sunday mornings, Rain or Shine. How our whole entire family talks baby talk to her and she completely understands what we are saying. And how we can howl at her and get her to talk back to us to the point where I'm sure that the neighbors think that we are complete lunatics.

So, this BLOG is an ode to Sierra the Wonder Dog. Whom I love. And she loves me. And she is going to be just fine, because my credit limit on my Discover Card is $23,000 and I have $21,000 to go before it's maxed out.

Cuppy McMuggenburg is on it's WAY!

I'm sooooo excited! For doing something I LOVE TO DO...for making the relationships here that I have...I get REWARDED for it! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!

Today I was informed that Cuppy McMuggenburg is on her way to my house! WOW. And I have to admit, that I have my sisters and friends here at PNN to thank for it. Had it not been for your amazing abilities to share yourselves with me, I would not have been able to experience this moment, so, thanks!

I love you guys, I really do...you can ask ANYONE! ~ Carm

Relay for Life - PNNers Let's DO IT!

Some talk about the Relay For Life has me starting this Blog entry. Not sure of how many know about this event. And I'd like to know how many know about it. Please comment and tell me how Cancer has touched your life.

This is the Luminary Ceremony...at night when it's pitch black we light the Luminaries with candlelight and they glow all night long. On the Luminaries are words of encouragement for those battling cancer or tributes to those who have lost the fight. It's the most special time of the Relay for many people.

The stadium lights are turned off to leave the candlelight. The walkers are still making their rounds around the track, but now...it's a time for reflection. As you walk you read and learn and take in the fact that every Luminary that lines the track represents someone who has Cancer or has lost their battle. 

It's a lot of fun too...but...there is one reason that this event has raised over $1 Billion Dollars. To end CANCER. "It's about a community that takes up the fight." "There is no finish line, until we find a cure."

This event started in my home town of Tacoma, Wa with one man, Dr. Gordon Klatt. He walked the first Relay for Life...by himself...the next year he decided that he wanted to get more people involved and how it has grown to be the American Cancer Society's biggest fundraiser.

It's been my pleasure to be involved with the Relay for over 12 years. My children will grow up with a sense of community, knowing that they can and WILL make a difference. 

If you have never participated before, please do a simple Google search right now and see where the closest Relay for Life will be and make it a point to go experience one for yourself. You'll be glad you did.

I love you...I really do...you can ask ANYONE! ~ Carm

When you live for others...you lose yourself

Dear young bride,

I, too, was once a young bride just like you. I was married when I was 19. To my high school best friend and sweetheart. We were inseparable in the high school years, introduced by a boyfriend I had and when he went away, we carried on our friendship and were always tromping around having fun.

One day after my high-school "friend" graduated and went on a road trip with his childhood friend, he came to the realization that he indeed "loved" me and that he couldn't wait to come home from the trip that just started and declare it to me.

About two years later, we were married.

New married life was grand. We were young. Making quite a bit of money for two teeny-boppers and having a great time getting to know the "married us". Neither of us had lived away from our parents, so we were learning how to be independent without anyone to answer to but ourselves. Together all the time. It was so wonderful, the waking up in his arms, the kisses goodbye on our way to work and the kisses hello in the evening. Discovering how to cook and realizing that we both had a knack for it. Two people could not have been better suited for eachother!

Between me working full-time and he working full-time and taking community college classes in the evenings, our schedules were full. You see, we had big plans. He wanted to be an Architect, so getting all the "basics" out of the way at comminity college was going to be great, because he'd then be able to focus on the GOOD STUFF when he got to the University. How exciting it would be.

Which colleges? Well, we live in Tacoma, WA so the natural choice would be University of Washington. But alas, their Architecture program was 7 years long. Why not just become a doctor or something? He kept looking and found that the University of Oregon at the time, was the 3rd best Architecture School in the country! So he applied. And was accepted. All at once our plans for the future were shoved even farther into the future to make way for this new adventure. Our baby plans - on hold. 

Everything was about to change and I had a small break down one night. It was over the baby plans. Our plan was that after 5 years of marriage we would evaluate and most certainly begin our family. Now that he was going to U of O for 5 years, the Baby Plans got pushed to 10 years. I was broken hearted. What about me? What about what I want? Of course I want him to be happy. Of course I know that the sacrifice that we give now will pay off in the long run. I know all of that in my head...but my heart. That is an entirely different story altogether.

So our adventure begins in Oregon.

Dear young mother and wife,

We've been on our U of O adventure for over a year now. The other day...guess what? We found out we are pregnant! I was in complete shock, unable to show emotion at all. He was thrilled and couldn't believe it, I on the other hand felt that somehow I had messed up. It took me a few days to really begin to feel happy about it. I couldn't have asked for a better reaction out of my man. Thrilled, elated, supportive, never thought TWICE about how our baby plans had just flip-flopped again. He was going to be a father. A FATHER.

As I worked my full-time job and he worked as a full-time student, I felt my life changing. It was no more "about me". My life was about him. And about the baby. And my role was to make certain that the family that we were about to create would rise up above the hardships I faced as a child. I was content with the man I chose to be with. He's a good man. Devoted. He loves me. Genuinely.

She was born on August 20th, 1996. For the record, that's 4 days before my 5 year anniversary. It seems as though the universe, God, and all the other powers that be decided to keep us to the original plan. I instantly ceased to exist for myself and focused completely on the family unit and our little expanded love-fest.

He was now working in the landscaping business. He had taken a year off of school so that I could be home with the bundle of love and also gain his residency since we moved to Oregon for him to solely go to college, we were paying out of state tuition. We decided that taking a year off during this first year of the baby's life would be good for all involved and cost us WAY less in the long run. W were right. That one year of out of state tuition cost more than the remaining 4 years combined. Smart move, youngsters! Smart move.

Dear Mother of Two, Wife to One, Homeowner, Dog Lover,

It's been 18 years of wedded bliss. Two beautiful children, a dog, the purchase of a home and that home is filled with love. You've done a wonderful job. You managed to put your husband through school, have a child right smack in the middle of it and kept everyone happy and healthy during all of it. You're happy. Life has turned out really great.

But where did you go? You seem to be different somehow. You aren't spending time on you. You've gotten lost in the shuffle. You've become accustomed to serving them before yourself. We need to get you back on track. I want you to find some friends of your own. Friends who aren't tied to the family, friends who you discover enjoy the things that you honestly and truly enjoy. Not things that you have acclimated yourself to. Not things that you decided to try out because he likes it or they like it. It's time to re-discover YOU. Make time for yourself to let loose and be free. You've spent the last 18 years of your life becoming a wife and mother and along the way you lost yourself. Let's turn that around today. It's time. I challenge you...to find YOU.

After 25 Years I Found Her!

  This is my sweet sweet Jeanner-Beaner. If you're lucky enough to be my friend...as many of you are...I will likely create a loving nick-name for you. Jeanner is my VERY BEST FRIEND from 5th grade!

We went to elementary school together and we met, I beleive in 5th grade and were best buddies through 7th grade, when she moved away to Louisianna.

Over the years, I had thought about her A LOT. When I say a LOT, I mean OODLES. Maybe twice a month - ppssshhhh...more like once a week! I always had a longing to know if she was happy and healthy and "okay". For over 25 years I thought about her. I wondered if she had any children or a husband. I wondered how her life had unfolded. I longed to know if she was singing in any way - through a church or professionally because she could sing like an angel. We were in choir together in Jr. High School and we sang like birds. We harmonized like we were true sisters. Our voices blended in a way that you could hear that "grating" sound that only family members can make.

Jeanner and I went through our Michael Jackson infatuation at the same time in 6th grade, and I ended up with the awesome "hippie teacher" who allowed me to cut out magazines and tape Michael's pictures all over my desktop. He even let me use his scotch tape to do it! The two 6th grade classes would converge into my classroom for various movies and learning experiences and Jeanner would always sit with me at my desk and we'd oogle over Michael in all his jeri-curlness and sparkly gloveness and we were two peas in a pod. She could even SING and DANCE like him!

We went on to 7th grade and took Choir together, where we were finally able to show off out vocal chops and we won a vocal competition with two other students singing a song about a TROUT of all things. Sounds really REALLY weird, but we sang a-capella and ROCKED IT! Jeanner and I had a MAD CRUSH on our Choir teacher, Mr. Weatherby. *dreamy sigh*

So towards the end of 7th grade, we learned that she was going to be moving away. And it was sad for me and her as well. I had never heard from her again. When something like this happens you always wonder. I wondered if she ever thought about me. I wondered when she learned to drive. I even wondered if something were to happen to her...how would I know? Would anyone contact me? Did she even have my phone #? I moved a lot...there's no WAY she could know where I moved to!

Fast-forward to last summer. I had decided to try to search the internet - yet again - to see if there was anything that I could find out about her. I had a MySpace account. Maybe I should try that! Jeanneth is a really uncommon name - there can't be THAT many of them out there. BOY WAS I WRONG!!! There are over 3000 Jeanneth's or a FORM of Jeanneth on MySpace. I started the never-ending task of searching through the faces that popped up as I scrolled through the findings from my search. About 30 pages in...*GASP*! No...it couldn't be! Is it possible? Did I...? Is it....? Within 2 seconds of seeing her picture I KNEW it was her! I instantly teared up and my heart started racing. I FOUND HER!!!! There is no doubt in my mind that it's her! I click on her profile and she's got it protected. DAMN! But it's HER! So I decide I'm going to do it. I'm going to see if she'll accept me as her friend! I typed something like the following:

"JEANNER-BEANER!!! Is that you? I know it's you. You still have the same eyelashes and peach-fuzz on your cheeks by your ears! I know it's you...I have thought about you for over 25 years and I don't want you to freak out or anything and I'm really afraid that you won't remember me, but please add me I want to know that you're happy and everything is okay for you! Oh MAN, I hope you remember me!" and with all my excitement and fear of not knowing whether she'd think I was some crazy stalker or axe-murderer, I clicked *gulp* SEND!

3 days passed....it was like AGONY! I would check my stupid MySpace account every half-hour like a friggin lunatic. Until...the 3rd day. I had a message. I HAD A MESSAGE!!!!!!!!! And she said she had thought about me too! Let's face it...sometimes through life, people that cross your path can make a bigger impression on YOU than you made on THEM, so I wasn't sure if she would even remember me. BUT SHE DID!!!!!

We instantly exchanged phone #'s and we got on the phone a CRIED AND CRIED AND GIGGLED!!! So I was granted access to her MySpace page and learned that she is in a BAND...I totally knew she would be! Her Band has a MySpace page "The Benjaminz" they are AWESOME!(if you look them up on myspace you can actually hear some of their cover songs and hear her sing!) Her voice is REALLY REALLY GOOD! I'm not just saying that either. I'm very picky about a persons singing voice, because I come from a vocally and instrumentally TALENTED family and I fell in LOVE with her all over again!

I quickly learned that she was coming to Washington for a visit to help her Brother get a gym started and we planned for her to come over to my house and have dinner and meet my family. When I tell you about the day that we finally got to touch eachother again, I felt like I was "complete" again. I'm tearing up right now just typing this. But I felt like part of my heart was missing. And there she was...she pulled up next to my house and she got out and I couldn't wait any longer! I ran out and just about tackled her to the ground and hugged her neck so tight and held her hand and walked her inside my house to meet my husband and my two girls. We all fell in love with her that night. We ate dinner and caught up and she LOVES my husband, he was cracking her up all night long. And we were sitting there watching TV and she ended up spending the night at our house!!!

AAAAhhhh....what a wonderful day! I've seen her one other time - in fact it was about a month ago. She was headed to Portland, Oregon and almost didn't ask me to come there - thought it was too much to ask. I pulled it out of her and while we were on the phone, I turned to my Huz and asked him what he thought and without batting an eyelash, he said yes and we made the 3 hour trip and met up with her in Oregon and were able to meet her ENTIRE family! They welcomed us with open arms! And I'll never forget what she said..."You know Carm...I'm so glad that we were separated when we were." And I just looked at her. And she went on..."Because, our friendship was pure! We never had to be poisoned by all the race issues." And I just grabbed her and hugged her and told her that I have never EVER thought about her in that way...and that I loved her because she was my Jeanner-Beaner and no one would or could have EVER changed that in my mind.

So...after 25 years...I found her. *sniff*

Somtimes, you just don't know.

I worked at a local community bank some time ago and had a client come in one day. We had never really had a conversation before, but I remember seeing her speaking to the manager of the branch about a month ago and noticed what a great time they were having.  Just one of those moments where you see someone and you just can't wait to have a chance to have a moment like that of your own with them!

So here she was in front of me...she didn't look quite the same as she did when I first saw her with my Manager. She was a bit more dishevelled. Not quite as "put together" as I remembered. I didn't care, I've never been someone who gets hung up on that sort of thing anyway, so I just went along with my idle chit-chat as I processed her deposits and counted her cash. She wasn't really saying anything back to me, I noticed that right away.  I kind of decided to settle in and take care of the task at hand. About half way through her 15 transactions, she kind of went off on me and basically told me it was taking way too long. I was taken aback a little because I had been doing this job for almost 10 years and one of the things I've NEVER been called was SLOW! I tried not to give her the stink-eye, but have a feeling I might have just a little bit.

I completed her transaction and she walked out the door.

My manager was on the phone during the transaction and after the client left she came to my teller window and told me the recent news. The client that was just standing before me had just found out about an hour before that she had bone cancer. The pictures of her bones looked like swiss cheese and the prognosis wasn't good and she was just on her way home after the Dr. Appointment but needed to drop by the bank and make her last deposit for work.

This situation haunts me to this day. I remember feeling really inadequate when this client was in front of me calling me slow. I remember feeling my heart sink as I heard that news and wanting to run outside and telling her how sorry I was and at the same time, wanting to give her space to wrap her head around what she had just heard from the Doctor.

To this day, when someone treats me harshly, my first thought goes to this woman.  Sometimes, you just don't know what kind of day someone is having.

I love you, I really do...you can ask anyone!

Carm