An Open Letter to PNN

Hello PNN,

My name is Carm. I've been here a little over two years now, and I have to say that I have met some INCREDIBLE people because of you. Like, SERIOUSLY INCREDIBLE.

Being part of this community has lifted me up when I've been down, made me laugh until my sides split and provided me with a safe loving place to share my opinions. I feel valued here.

I'm writing this letter to communicate to you that we need you. More than you think. The people who show up here are nothing short of amazing. The intelligence and humor and refreshing foul-mouthedness is unlike anything I've found anywhere on the world wide web.

So, I guess my question to you is...how did PNN become this empty shell? Once, there was nurturing found behind your WWW. There was love freely flowing behind your WWW. There was comedy...OH MAN!!! There was comedy...still is...behind your WWW.

I can't imagine what it takes for someone to keep a website fresh. Monetarily or talentwise. What I *do* know is that there are people out there..."Techie" people, who are training to even perhaps create their OWN websites, who I'm sure could use the experience of being an intern with PNN.

Lately there's been an awful lot of talk about people pulling up stakes and fleeing for the hills. What a shame.

I logged in today and found articles on the main page that are over a year old. On each page of the site you see the same thing.

There is something bigger here than what PNN probably envisioned for itself. Your subscribers made this site what it turned out to be. You have people who belong here and strive to stay here. Rumors are that there is going to be a changing of the guard. You have some who will stay to see how this affects the site...and some who have already left and deleted their accounts.

There are many, many things that create a place such as this. Integrity, Honesty, Leadership, Compassion, Humor and well...MONEY!

My hope is that this wonderful place gets some new life breathed into it. Those who are leaving...they might come back, if the promise of what once was could possibly return. Being the optomist that I am...I certainly hope that's the case.

We've become a family...and none of that would have happened without you. Even if PNN can't pull in the reins...I sure am thankful to you for being the catalyst in forming the lasting friendships that I've gained by being here. My life is forever changed...

Se Hablamos Espanol?

Feliz Cinco De Mayo! I plan on driving everyone crazy on facebook by only posting Spanish status messages and responding to them in Spanish. If you can't figure out what I'm saying...just google it - there's an English to Spanish converter. Super Duper easy.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WILL IMPLORE YOU

Alrighty...I wanted to share with you what I *thought* was an email from Angelina Jolie...and now it isn't. Even though my bottom lip is quivvering and I have a tear sitting on my lower lash line getting ready to drip onto my keyboard...I thought I'd share with you - the readers - what was in said email. Read on:

Attn:
How are you today and hope all is well with you and your family?You may not
understand why this mail has been sent to you but i will implore you to take
your time
to carefully go through this mail.

We have had meetings for the pass 7 months which ended 4 days ago at
our office head quarters in New York(UNITED NATIONS). This email is to all the
people that have been scammed in any part of the world,the UNITED
NATION has agreed to compensate them adequately with the sum of US$ 100,000.

This includes every foreign contractor that has not received their
contract sum and people that have had unfinished transactions as regards
international bank transfers or
international businesses  that  failed due to Government  problems etc.

We found your name on our list and that is why we are contacting you.This has
been agreed upon and has been signed. You are advised to contact Mr. Jim Ovia
of ZENITH BANK NIGERIA PLC as he is our representative in Nigeria, contact him
immediately for your Cheque/International Bank Draft of USD$ 100,000. This
funds are in a Bank Draft for security purpose,so he will send it to you and
you can clear it at any bank of your choice.

Therefore you must ensure to send him your full Name and telephone number current
mailing address as regards receiving your draft.

Contact:Mr. Jim Ovia immediately for your Cheque:
Person to Contact Mr. Jim Ovia
Email: jimovia844@gmail.com

Thanks and God bless you and your family.Hoping to hear from you as soon as you
cash your Bank Draft.
Making the world a better place.

Regards,
Ban Ki-moon
Secretary-General(UNITED NATIONS)

DAMMIT! It was a SCAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There go my dreams of Oscardom. Shit. Back to the parking lot monitoring for me....*sigh* I should've known. What a CROCK!

Anyone live in RENO????

I'm taking a road trip...a GIRLS road trip to RENO, NV on May 21-24. I'm wondering if anyone lives there...or wants to join us. I'm not going to make anyone commit to it or anything...but I'm going with my BFF Tammy and thought I'd bring it up and see if anyone bites.

SOOOOOOOOOO.....BITE AWAY!!!

NESTLE' HOTLINE!

You need to try this...I really enjoyed the laugh! Call the Nestle Crunch Hotline at 800-295-0051.

When you are asked if you want to continue in English or Spanish, just wait quietly for about 10 seconds and listen...I dare you not to smile! Make sure you cover the receiver while you're waiting during the 10 seconds or it will start over.

Continue listening to the options they give and press 4. Listen to the options again...then press 7. If you comment on this after listening, don't give away the surprise.

I'm giggling just in anticipation of your reactions!!!

Merry Christmas, Carm! Love, Aunt Flo

Well...dammit all to hell. She's not here yet, but taking my MAJOR ATTITUDE problem into account...she's almost here.

Just in FRIGGIN time for Christmas.

I'm seriously thinking about not answering the door. Okay...so just to recap the important dates of the year...

My Birthday? Aunt Flo

My Anniversary? Aunt Flo

Several Camping Trips? Aunt Flo

Christmas? Aunt Flo

What a bitch.

Pantyhose....*sigh*

Today...I wrestled myself into a pair of pantyhose. Not because I wanted to appear svelt or smoothed in certain areas or even show off my clod-hopper cankles...

I shoved my ass into a pair of pantyhose because my office at work is so damned cold that I can barely sit in here for more than an hour at a time without having to get up and run my hands under warm water. Everyone in the office is cold, however, I've strategically placed thermometers throughout the office and can CLEARLY SEE that my office is 5 degrees cooler than the rest of this place.

So I sit here...with the pantyhose rolling down my belly. Yeah...great mental image, I know...but seriously...that's what's happening right now...then I pull them up...and 10 minutes later...there they go again.

I haven't worn pantyhose for like...uh...4 years? Nope, scratch that...I bought a pair of Spanx a couple years ago...wanna know something that pisses me off about Spanx? Well...I'll tell you. MY FUCKING THUMB WENT RIGHT THROUGH THAT SHIT! $25. POOF. Just like that. Here's my thoughts....SPANX....the legging kind...with no foot....SHOULD ALL BE MADE OUT OF THE SAME MATERIAL! The tummy sucky-inny part needs to be the SAME G.D. MATERIAL AS THE LEGS. They make the legs out of just your typical pantyhose material - perhaps a SMIDGE stronger...but no where CLOSE as strong as the tummy sucky-inny part.

So...I feel like a prisoner in my pants right now. NOT TO MENTION any bathroom visits I may need in the near future. Good heavens...wrestling my flabby butt into these things in the first place was a FEAT. Now? When I have to pee? I have to do it allllllll over again.

I'm not a happy camper. Damn pantyhose. Who's sunzabitchin brilliant idea was this whole thing anyway? Some bastard...like the chump who designed 5" heels and the BRA, would be my guess.

Thanks for indulging my wardrobe malfunction today...I feel a lot better now. If you'll excuse me, my pantyhose just rolled down my belly again...I need to catch it before it reaches my knees.

Marriage DOOMED?!?!?!?!

OMG PEOPLE! I just looked down at my wedding ring/engagement ring and IT'S BROKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Am I doomed? Does anyone know any good Jewelers near Tacoma, WA? HANNAH???Any Jewish Jewelry store owners in the fam that can HOOK ME UP!?!?!?!

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Picking a Fight

Sitting at my desk at work, I came across something that only the Step-Bastard could answer...and me being the SUPER CARM that I am...and...if you're wondering? I actually have a CAPE that says "Super Carm" that was given to me last Christmas from my friend Tammy. Jealous much? Anyhoooo...

I approach the SB with my "question". And with the typical *pissy attitude*, I get that whole *heavy sigh* then he says something with the tone of - GAWD...you don't know the answer to that?...and my response has been - at least over the last two weeks - a blank look on my face and then I turn around and walk back to my office...I haven't been fighting back. Which could be reason to worry for TWO REASONS:

1.) When I don't fight back with you...I've written you off.

2.) When I don't fight with you...I've had it.

Either way, it's so unlike me. I pick my battles. And also, lately the SB has decided to ask me the following questions - on more than one occasion: "Do you have a problem with that?" and "What's with the attitude?". Doesn't that kinda seem like something a bully from Jr. High would do when they are trying to overcompensate for their shortcomings? The simple answer t the question is, "No, I don't have a problem with that, my problem lies with the way you SPEAK to me you Son of a Bitch! If you wanna fight let's just throw down and make that shit happen because I'm OVER IT!!!!!!!"

Look, dude. I'm thinking about surgically enhancing my appearance by getting a mirror installed over my face, that way when you talk to me? You can see what you look like when I ask you a question. I have a feeling the only question you'll be asking from that point forward is: "Why am I such an asshole?" My response will be, "Dunno...why don't you do some internal reflecting and write me up a procedure on how you are going to alter your attitude when you speak to me? That would be a great start."

What a sad, sad, pitiful, pathetic excuse for a human being. There was a time when I felt sorry for him...I actually felt empathy. I think I'm beyond that point now. And that sort of makes me sad. I've crossed over to the "I have no respect for you and everything you do is rediculous and you're a bully." I shouldn't have to feel like that. I enjoy being a nice person. But when it comes to him? He's sucked all the nice out of me.

Leslie and Francis? REALLY?!?!

Alright...so if you've ever heard the song by Johnny Cash called "A Boy Named Sue" you will know what this post is going to be about. I will post the lyrics in another post because it's going to take up my valuable CHARACTER LIMIT...so be on the look out for that...probably posted under this heading on my BLOG.

So I'm watching IFC (Independent Film Channel) last night in bed. The main charaters name in the movie I was watching was "Francis". And his mother was REALLY OLD. Sitting in her armchair/recliner.  And when she wailed his name it was like fingernails on a chalkboard. So...my question to you is...WHEN WAS IT EVER OKAY TO NAME A CHILD WITH SUCH A FEMININE NAME?!

Here's a list of girly man names I've heard over the years:

Leslie

Marion (Which just happens to be John Waynes REAL NAME!)

Francis

Noel

Ari

Kelly

Dana

Sidney

Feel Free to add some of your own! This could be kinda fun!

Now, some of these I can stomach. But LESLIE? MARION? FRANCIS? That is just unfathomable. Okay. OKAY! I HEAR YOU! "Some of them are FAMILY NAMES, Carm! Yeesh! Quit being a bitch!" Okay...that was all fine and dandy FIFTY OR SIXTY DAMN YEARS AGO! Fifty/Sixty years ago, we were a different people! Back then? Tradition was in the forefront.

Nowadays? We have this sarcastic nature that has sprung forth from the bowels of the America's underbelly and there's no changing things NOW! No sirreebob! We are in a spinning toilet bowl and the current is just too damn strong to swim out of it! We're going down the TUBES PEOPLE! And for the record? I could have totally ROCKED the 50's style. I was BORN to be a teenie bopper. Poodle Skirts and Saddle Shoes. I would have LOVED to live in that time. But alas, twas a dark stormy September day in 1971 when I was born and it was not meant to be.

Back to our story...

Of course I will say that I apologize if this offends anyone who reads this. And I would say that if your FATHER is named one of these names, I'm not talking about them. Really, I'm not. There's something ~debonairre~ about older men with those girly names. Take Francis Ford Copolla for instance. He's a badass! But if you've got a toddler crawling around the house or you have a bun in the oven? ...Uh...this is for you! :o)

Please, no hate mail. Think of this as a Public Service Announcement. And Now? Back to your regularly scheduled program.

Seattle Shakedown - Version TRES!

I haven't got any photos of the evening...but JL and MsSantos are so gorgeous - their pictures on their BLOG spaces...while FABU do not do either of them justice. They are BREATHTAKING beauties!

The hubs and I arrived at the Westin at 6 o'clock ON THE BUTTON...it's how we roll. I happened to have JL's cell # so we had been texting throughout the day talking about our BIG HAIR and Tiara's. So, again I texted her when we arrived. She said she was on her way down via text and so we waited. Surely someone would see my standing there with my SASSY pointy pumps, my tiara in place and my feather boa laced through one of the rings on my purse....

My phone vibrates. JL texts..."Are you sure you have your Tiara on?"...my response was a picture I took of myself in the lobby of the hotel with my sparkly Tiara in place on my head. That must've been all the proof she needed...here she comes. GORGEOUS!!! Blond hair...cute little thing that she is...we hugged and I introduced her to the Hubby and we headed for the Bar.

We sat down and bantered back and forth looking for pictures of any of the people we were waiting for via Facebook. So I found a couple of mssantos and we oogled her pictures for a little while then WHAMMO...the stone cold fox showed up outta nowhere! Yep...you guessed it! HUGS all around and intros to my hubby again.

Kids...we sat there for about a hour until we realized that THIS was going to be IT...so we decided to get a smidge of food before heading out to Chopstix. The Clam Chowder was UH-MAZE-ING! As were the Crab Legs!!!

Mssantos and her friend texted and decided that her pal would meet us at the hotel and from there we'd take off for Chopstix.

Hubby and I chauferred Mssantos and her girlie to Chopstix...unfortunately we parked in BFE and my FEET WERE KILLING ME...and we finally get there. The place was OFF THE CHAIN loud and festive and AWESOME. But this comes from a girl who doesn't get out much, so....hopefully I don't seem too lame for saying so.

After throwing caution to the wind and ditching my Pepsi for a shot called "PORN STAR" we took pictures and had just a GREAT NIGHT! I'd have to say that being with anyone else and meeting for the first time would have been awkward, but these ladies know all about my OCD's and my Step-Bastard and my Mentrual Cycle...so it's not like we were really strangers. We just laughed and had a great time! It was the perfect venue to go and even if there WAS any awkwardness, it would have been drowned out by the coolness of the atmosphere.

So, Thank You to JL and MsSantos for coming out. Thanks to Leigh for the drinks. The hubby and I had a great time hanging with you guys and I genuinely mean it when I say that I would LOVE to do it again.

I LOVE YOU GUYS! ~ Love, Carm

It's been awhile...

It's been awhile...I've missed you all. I have no excuse for being away...well...maybe I do. And let me try to sum it up in one word: SUMMER.

Yep...the Carm is awfully busy this time of year. What with the running around...the camping...the picnics...the family reunions...the birthdays...and weddings...and my anniversary. It gets to be a bit much, I tell ya!

So I've missed you.

I really could have used a little Sally G. dose several times while I was away. She gets me centered and opens my eyes.

Some of you I have been in contact through in Facebook...others via Twitter.

I miss my Banana...there's no way I'm going to account for everyone I've missed, but that girl...she can get me to cracking up like NO OTHER and I have missed her oodles and GOBS!

I see there are lots of big plans coming along nicely for the Seattle Shimmy...or whatever we're calling it. This is very exciting. I hope everyone will be able to make it.

I hope to post a few BLOG entries this weekend...but I have a wedding to attend on Saturday and just might have to help my brother move into a rental house...so it's another jam packed weekend for the Carm.

What I CAN tell you is...I get updates on my cell phone when you comment on my BLOG. So I DO get to see them, but PNN isn't compatible with Blackberries so I cannot comment back to you...but if you follow me on Twitter (Shoobop) sometimes I'll comment there.

That's about it....I've been sitting on my leg this whole time and my foot is completely numb. I can't feel my toes wiggling so before I get GANG GREEN down there I better get up and walk around a little.

I love you...I really do...you can ask ANYONE!

Love, CARM

WHO DRANK ALL THE DAMN VODKA?

So...we were prepping for our Vernal Equinox/Spring Solstice Party. Any calendar event works for us...we aren't picky...and let's face it, it had been awhile, so SPRING SOLSTICE it was!

The invites had gone out and we were about a week away when I decided to take inventory of the liquor cabinet and DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!!! Where did all the damn VODKA go? We hadn't had a party for quite awhile and last time we PARTIED LIKE ROCKSTARS, I had purchased every stinkin flavor of Smirnoff Vodka that the liquor store had and to my recollection not much had been consumed. I'm not much of a drinker because a.)my Bio-dad is a raging alcoholic, and; 2.) meh...I like more of a "natural" high....

So much to my dismay...the bottles were there...but alas, they were empty - or had very little in them. Which made me instantly irratated and suprised the hell out of me, quite frankly. I walked into the living room and with my best black girl attitude (I'm white...but my very best friend from 5th grade - who I still haven't blogged about btw - SWEARS that I was black in another life...) and confronted my loving husband about what is obviously a SITUATION! I mean to tell you my neck was rollin and my cheeks were smackin! Girls...let me just share with you a little bit about me...

Feel free to review a few of the OCD's that I listed on my Random Thoughts page...but Daddy Dearest is an alkie. I was 35 years old before I got drunk for the FIRST TIME and I did not allow alcohol into my home until I hit 30 - which means my micro-beer drinking hubby went without - he was fine with this and understood and that's not the issue. Okay...having said THAT...on with the rest of the tale...

So when I peered into the cabinet and saw that there was a drasticly reduced amount of alcohol on the shelves, I was compelled to find out how often the man I love drinks and why he's hiding this fact from me. I see him drink beer...but not alcohol. In fact...unless we have a party, I don't see him pour any of the "hard stuff".

So I'm like, "What the HELL?" and he's all, "I drank it!" and I'm all..."WTF?!?!" and he's all..."What?"...and I said..."Um...DUDE! There was oodles of vodka in there and it's all gone!" He said..."That was from like 4 months ago!" I said..."AND WHEN ARE YOU DRINKING THIS SHIT?!?! Cuz I'm not seeing you pour yourself a drink every night and by the amount that is GONE...I'd have to say that you've had two drinks a night ever since the last damn PARTY!" And he was all..."Well, I'm not hiding it!" And I was all..." YA SURE AS HELL ARE!!!!!!!!!!"...and then I said..."SHIT! I don't care if you drink, but that is a LOT of vodka gone! Keep yourself in CHECK DUDE! DAMN!".

So that's how that went down. We have a great relationship. He drinks beer. Lotsa beer from the Deschutes Brewery. LOL @ That! It just sounds funny if you read that last part out loud..."We have a great relationship. He drinks beer." NIIIIICE. What I mean to say is that I don't mind it, which is probably something I WOULD have minded if that is how our relationship started, but we've been married almost 18 years...so I suppose I've decided in my mind that the dude isn't gonna be going anywhere any time soon, so let him drink...and we joke a lot with eachother which is why I felt that I could approach him in the way that I did. I thought about taking the soft approach...sitting down to see if we had a problem here, but I think I got my point across nicely.

Whew! I feel much better. I've been wanting to rant about this for over a month! Thanks for reading!

I love you...I really do...you can ask anyone! ~ Carm

HEY PNN!!!!! (echo)

Hellooo peeps! It's CARM! Yep! I'm alive.

So...that whole "Set the Skinny Me Free" idea? Bleh.

Yesterday...I *did* get a couple of the "Skinny Bitch" books from the husband...which I suppose I'll take as a major HUGE hint. He wasn't even home when I opened that shizz. LOL - never thought I'd have this chunky of a butt, but when your husband purchases not ONE...but TWO BOOKS, Skinny Bitch and Skinny Bitch in the Kitch, I suppose it's time to wake the EFF up and move your ass. The man is a saint.

So what is it that makes "some" of us women who were once svelt and hot to the touch turn into such...well?...BLOBs? I have no idea why I have "blossomed" this much...but I sure as hell have and let me tell ya...it ain't pretty.

So how do you go about changing your life in such a way that you so it without putting yourself down? I mean...obviously there's any "issue" here that needs dealt with.

1. I have no will power.

2. Sure, i'm smart, not HORRIBLE to look at, just fluffy and fat.

3. I'm lazy. I totally am. I know it. My huz knows it.

4. Today I feel especially grungy because I didn't take a shower this morning. I am the "shower every day" type. And let me tell ya...I am not enjoying life today. My hair feels greasy, even though it looks freakin AWESOME since I just got about 7" cut off. LOVE IT. Just not liking so much the drippy greasy feeling I have at the moment.

5. The finances aren't conducive to cleaning out the cupboards and starting with all new types of food, not to say that there are only convenience foods or jumk in my cabinets...but there could be a major overhaul done which would help enormously...but...lacking finances stalemates that idea.

6. Apparently I like to come up with lists of excuses.

So...yeah...two skinny bitch books, for my freakin birthday, no less. Well played, hus...well played.

Anyone out there still? Yipes. It's like a dustbowl around here!

I still love you...if any of you are out there anymore! LOL I REALLY DO!!!!!

Setting the "Skinny Me" Free

Well, Fall is here...that means I'll be blogging more and more.

I'm going to start an adventure. I'm going to transform my life. It's time.

Driving my daughter to high school for her first day, reflecting on days and years gone by, I've decided that NOW is the time.

I haven't been chubby my whole life. I looked cute in high school. When I was married I was a size 10. I must've been 150 pounds. That even seems like a lot, but I've always had a solid body. I think it's from all the years of swimming and having a pool when I was growing up as well as swimming all through high school...but that's where it ended.

I've gotten lazy and it's not only unfair to ME, but my poor, poor family has had to deal with my laziness and lack of participation because I get uncomfortable.

This is the first time I've written out something that I can be held accountable for. So here's my plan:

•no more fast food

•no more soda

•cut waaaaay back on sweets

•work 3 salads at LEAST as my meal per week.

•MOVE! My hope is to get up early in the morning each day and go walk around a track we have at a middle school close to my home.

•stick with it this time

•weigh myself

•measure myself

I hope to chronicle this journey here each day as I go through all of this. If anyone would like to join me, I'd love the company. But what I can really use is the support of my PNN family.

The weighing and measuring are going to be a hard thing to do. I don't have anything to hide from you all...so I'm going to have a policy and guidelines. The only policy is FULL DISCLOSURE. You're going to hear it all. Each heart pumping, tear soaked, uncomfortable and triumphant moment.

So, with that, I will get started. Tomorrow is the first day of Setting the "Skinny Me" Free.

Sonic BOOM!!!

HOLY CRAP! We just had TWO sonic booms here in Tacoma/Seattle. I can't ever remember hearing one in my lifetime. To say that I'm not still shaken by the feel and sound of it, would be a total LIE!

First of all I was trying really hard to have a conversation with my Brother on the phone, thank goodness it was him - in hindsight, I think I swore - glad it wasn't a client. BOOM!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?!?!?!?! Everyone in the office SCRAMBLED! Looking out windows, I was sitting at my desk and have a rather large window, but it doesn't really look out at anything but trees and shrubs, so if something was smoking I wasn't gonna see it. Then.....BOOM!!!!!! Uh What in the HELL is going on?? I mean to tell you that the windows shook and the building JUMPED and it was deafening!

As fast as the internet IS...it wasn't fast enough for me! I had thought a couple of things in the split second I head the first boom: 1. Someone crashed into the building - like a semi-truck. 2. JESUS WAS COMING TO TAKE ME TO HEAVEN! Then it donned on me...

Our fine President is in town today. There's an airspace closure in place to keep him safe...we have an Air Force Base here...and an Army Base. Perhaps there is something going on with that. Hmmm... of course those thoughts happened in a split second, then the 2nd boom happened about 20 seconds after the first.

Finally about 15 minutes AFTER the "BOOM'S", the news channels started reporting on it. Apparently our Air Force Base doesn't have fighter jets anymore, they were given to the Air National Guard in PORTLAND, OREGON. SERIOUSLY? It took the jets, going over 750 miles an hour, approximately 8 minutes to get to Seattle....FROM PORTLAND OREGON! Do you have ANY IDEA how long it takes to drive in the car from my house to PORTLAND OREGON??? Exactly 2 hours and 7 minutes!!!!!!! So, now...I sorta want a fighter jet.

SPEAKING OF SONIC....this

little GEM of a fast food joint crept into a local neighborhood near my house without so much as a PEEP! And...while I'm overly excited about it...I'm slightly annoyed I wasn't part of the whole HYPE of getting a local Sonic Drive In closer to my house. I've been to a Sonic ONCE, and I ordered the wrong damn thing, so I didn't get the frozen juicy thing I wanted and I never went back to see if I liked it! NOW I GET TO! Only with a slightly pissy attitude because I wasn't part of the grand opening fanfare. Harumph!

Anyway...those are my two "Sonic" stories of the day...and probably my entire LIFE. What are the chances I have two of them to jot down in the same day? Maybe I should go buy a lottery ticket!

I love you! Carm

Summertime Blues

Hiya peeps! Long time no writey! Sorry I left you high and dry, but that's what happens with the Ebbs and Flows of blogdom in the summer.

Let's catch you up with all that you've missed in the LIFE O CARM, shall we?

June - brother got 12" of his colon removed in an emergency surgery after being in the hospital for a week under "close observation" that was CLEARLY anything BUT! Only after my Dad and I stepped in and kicked some ass by threatening to yank all the shit out of his veins and moving him to another hospital, did anything actually happen and they found that an infection had been building in his ENTIRE TORSO, causing him GREAT PAIN and trouble breathing. I may have shared this story already, but you see? I'm too lazy to go through my blog posts at the moment - and besides - you're getting the cliff notes version here, folks...so just sit tight! :o) So yeah, emergency surgery 2 weeks of my life PPPFFFFTTTT! Gone. Not that I mind...I totally dig taking care of people...

July 19th - Step-Bastard went in for his Cancer surgery. Complete removal of his bladder, prostate and some pesky lymph nodes. 9 hours. And I'll get into some detail here, because I've been - along with my mother - his primary care helper the ENTIRE TIME. So here's how this shook down:

July 19th - 9 hour surgery, basically laid him on a table shaped like a rainbow with his back on the table. Exposing his BIG OL' BELLY so they could get to his bladder. NINE HOURS!!!! Released to ICU for 5 days where his kidneys decided to be COMPLETE ASSHOLES and not want to start back up. So for the first two days they pumped him up so full of saline that he was swollen...REALLY BAD...hoping it would flush out his jerkface kidneys. EXCRUCIATING PAIN! His back had been in that position for 9 hours and compressed his disks so badly that he never once complained about his surgical site. NOT ONCE. We must have moved him the first day he was in ICU about 30 times. It took about 20 minutes - sometimes a little less - to move him because he was completely useless in that bed. His legs didn't work because his back was so compressed...and he's a BIG DUDE!!!! So 20 minutes to move him for about 5 minutes of relief, then we'd have to move him again. So incredibly hard to move someone you love when they are in pain - there's nothing you can do to take the pain away, and when you move them? You cause more pain!!! Bleh.

So after a week in ICU his kidneys started functioning and they moved him into a private room. Back still in miserable pain, no relief, no one seemed to be addressing it AT ALL, it's as if he was there to get his cancer removed, they did that and POOF, their job was DONE! They sent him home on July 30. OH - BUT IT DOESN'T STOP THERE!!! NNNOOOOOO-ho-ho-ho it doesn't. Did I mention that he could barely walk either? Something related to his back issues has effected his legs as well......

He was supposed to head to an interim care facility to take care of the pain management and physical therapy. Upon arriving to this facility and sitting there for 3 hours and his pain level off the charts, no nursing staff to be found, my mother and he decide to go home. He's been home ever since and I could go into the rant about us trying to take him back to that care facility to give them another try after they fully admitted on Saturday at 1:30AM when we called because his pain was absolutely HORRIBLE that they dropped the ball when they arrived and said that they would welcome him back with open arms on Saturday, then when I called to inform them we'd be there around 1:30 pm, they called back and said he left against doctors orders and that he wasn't welcome back - and why would we even want to come back anyway?(I hung up on that bitch by the way...she was wasting my time and completely fabricating stories that my SB was complaining about the care at the hospital, when in fact the doctors and nurses were nothing short of SPECTACULAR and he never would have said anything like that AT ALL) And then the whole part about them not releasing any of his meds to us that were called in for his care while he was there - and the fact that we couldn't get ahold of ANY DOCTORS UNTIL THIS THURSDAY 08/12 because every DAMNED doctor that he's ever dealt with was on EFFING VACATION!!!!! NOOOOOOOO, I won't even get into THAT rant, because there's no way I could tell you all of the things that happened during these last two weeks and have any of you actually BELEIVE ME! It's been INSANE and a complete JOKE. It's been amazing how screwed up this whole thing ended up - we never expected this back pain to be an issue. He can barely walk and he's been home for two weeks. They should NEVER have released him from UW Medical Center when he couldn't even walk and was in such pain. **Side note - the Doctors and Nursing staff were honestly spectacular. I think that the Hospital in conjunction with his Insurance, caused him to be released WAAAAY before he should have been - my opinion. This has been torture, I just can't imagine everyone we dealt with being so wonderful would allow this, unless all this back pain went unreported for over TWO WEEKS. Bleh - I digress.

August 18th - my brother goes in for his reversal surgery to get his colon reconnected. yeah, I didn't mention that he had a colostomy bag for these last 3 months, right? That's some OLD MAN SHIT, right there! He's only 34!!!! That's what happens when you end up with a perforated colon and you end up with 12" of your colon removed. My advice? Don't end up with a perforated colon. So, my parents can't be there for him and I seem to be the only one that can get the doctors and nurses to actually take care of business, I have a feeling I'm going to be there for that one too, and helping him in the hospital for the week after the surgery.

I have managed to make a couple camping trips this summer, I'm not sure how...but we DID fit two of them in.

Did I mention that I'm the boss at work throughout all this? Yeah...I'm running this place. I'm signing paychecks, I'm paying bills, oh yeah, and I'm doing all the other stuff I'm supposed to be doing for my regular job too. Not fun.

Through all this, I realized that I should have gone into nursing, and I feel really trapped, because a.) I'm the boss now, and it'd be really shitty of me to jump ship when my Mom and SB can't be here and he's on track to step away from the business and have ME take over - without consulting me... and b.) I can't go to school at night because I have a family and I refuse to stretch myself that thin. It's not fair to them or me or my huz, so that's not an option.

Seems like I'm bitching a lot here, it's not that. I'm just overwhelmed and feel helpless because my Dad is going through all this and it wasn't in the plan. And we realize that you can't plan this type of thing all the way, because there are just SOME things that we aren't in control of. I see a change in him. He's humbled. He's been humiliated. He's in pain like I've never seen anyone be in. It's just so overwhelming. I wish I could just absorb all of it so that he could have a break. And my poor brother! 34 years old and he's got a colostomy bag. Another humbling and humiliating experience. It seems like it's never going to end....but it has to.

Just wanted to let you know I'm alive, albeit TIRED, but alive.......sorry it's not all sunshine and rainbows. Once we get some of this behind us, we'll cheer things up again. :o)

Love and MISS you guys!!! Carm

Katie's Baby-Born Story

Dear Katiebug,

After Daddy was accepted to Archtecture School at the University of Oregon and had started his schooling, we travelled from Eugene, Oregon to Tacoma, Washington for your Uncle Joel and Aunt Merideth's wedding. We gathered for a late brunch at Grassi's the next day. The whole family was there. Daddy and I ordered our breakfast and the smell coming from the kitchen was that of sweetened french toast and bacon. That smell...It wasn't long before our meals were served and we all started eating and the chatter started to lull. I really couldn't eat. I just felt awful. "Woosie" is a good word.

The next day was Thanksgiving and we headed to Grandma Linda and Grandpa Bob's house for the big meal. We got there and the house smelled wonderful. Pies were baked, turkey was in the oven, all the side dishes were almost done and family filled the house. The turkey came out of the oven and Grandma Linda handed me the roasting pan and asked me if I'd place the turkey on the platter and start to carve it. Another wave came over me and I just couldn't stand next to that cooked bird for another minute. Daddy quickly came to my rescue and took over the carving of the turkey.

Another month or so passed and I hadn't been feeling quite like myself and several things were pointing towards the necessity for a certain "test". I went to the drugstore and purchased a pregnancy test. I went home, followed the instructions and when the 3 minutes were up I went to see what the little stick said. "Not Pregnant". Well...must be a flu bug or something.

Another couple weeks went by and I still wasn't feeling like myself. Daddy and I decided that we were going to go to a doctor and get a more accurate pregnancy test, one that uses blood to determine if I was pregnant or not. It's the most reliable. First, they asked me to take a test similar to the one I purchased at the drug store. When I sat back up on the table in the room, the doctor came in and said, "Well...it looks like it wants to go positive...but we better take your blood to make sure." My mind started REELING!!! I remember being terrified about what your Daddy would say. Remembering when we lived in Washington and he made the decision to go to Architecture School at the University of Oregon, we talked about having a family. Before he decided he wanted to go to University, our plan was 5 years. We were only about 1 1/2 years away from that, and I really wanted to start a family. When he got accepted for Architecture School, our 5 year plan quickly doubled and I really had no control over that. My heart was broken. I felt like I was the one doing all the compromising. I felt like I had no choice but to wait. All of these thoughts were going through my head as I waited for the blood test to come back.

Finally the doctor came in and said, "Well, you're pregnant." I remember my mouth dropping, and soon after my hands covered it. I remember feeling excited and scared and my legs went numb. I hand't said anything yet and the doctor asked me if I wanted to carry on with the pregnancy or if I wanted to explore other options. I knew what "other options" meant and for me, there was no doubt that my only option FOR ME was to HAVE THIS BABY!

The doctor congratualted me and wished me well. I walked through a door and there was your Daddy. He looked at me and I looked at him and I told him that he was going to be a Daddy. Katie, when I tell you that he melted, I mean he really, really melted. He got a huge smile on his face and started laughing and his hands were shaking and he hugged and kissed me and held me tight and was absolutely THRILLED. My fears should have been erased at that very moment based on his supportive response, but I couldn't help but feel as though I had let him down in some way. It wasn't even our 5th anniversary yet, and not only that, but our "Baby Plan" had been doubled from 5 years to 10. He had only just begun his schooling. I was really nervous. But I was ready.

After a week or so, i started getting really excited. I felt at peace and excited for all the experiences we would be having. We had finally found a doctor and found out that you'd be arriving in early August 1996. It was obvious to us now that all those sick feelings I had when we were at Uncle Joel's wedding, and breakfast and Thanksgiving were because I had been pregnant the whole time. Everything made sense now.

Soon, my belly started getting bigger and bigger. I felt great the whole time. Some of the things I ate were so yummy! Like, I went through a phase of eating Taco Bell every day. At a certain point, I didn't even want to drive BY a Taco Bell anymore and instead we started eating Kentucky Fried Chicken. I quickly wore out my welcome at KFC and then it was summer time. My new craving was for MEXICAN FOOD. Chips and Salsa and WATER! Good Lord we must have gone out to dinner 3 times a week for a MONTH!

I felt like I was born to be your mommy. I had such a wonderful pregnancy. In fact, the only downfall for me when I was really big and fat was that I worked in the drive through at a bank and sometimes it took a couple swipes to get people's money out of the drive up drawer because you kept getting in the way. Eventually, I had to move away from the drive up to the teller line because I couldn't reach the button to move the drawer out anymore.

The time came after my due date came and went. I was just too big to even sit and do my work anymore and I was like a ticking time bomb. I could go at ANY MINUTE. Daddy got a job during the summer, so we decided that it was time for me to stay home.

Summers are quite HOT in Eugene, Oregon. My first couple weeks home it was over 90 degrees. The week before you were born it hit 103 degrees outside. Lucky for me, we had a really nice pool at the apartment complex we lived in so I'd just go out and float hugging a beachball for hours!

One day we decided to go to our friends' house and have dinner. For dessert we wanted blackberry cobbler and my friend Missy and I decided to walk up the street and pick some blackberries. We got back to their house and made it from scratch! It was soooooo good! With vanilla ice cream, even! YUM!

The next day, I had a doctor's appointment and Missy had never heard a baby's heartbeat while it was still in the mommy's belly before so she tagged along with me to the doctor. Usually, when I went into the doctor's office I had to take a urine test to see if my sugar levels were in-line. This time was no exception. Everything looked great. I went back to my room with Missy. I opened the door and she was sitting just to the right of the door. I went to go get onto the table, and noticed my socks were slouching and when I bent over to pull them up, I felt a little trickle roll down my leg. "THAT'S WEIRD", i said to Missy. "I just went pee, there's no way....WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MISSY!!!! I think my WATER JUST BROKE!!!!!"...and Missy started FREAKING OUT! "OH my GOSH CARM! Should I go get teh DOCTOR?!?!?!!?"...I said, "That's probably a good idea!". We giggled and hugged and off she went!

The doctor told me what I already knew. My water had indeed leaked a bit...and it was time for me to head to the hospital. It was about 1 pm on August 19th. We decided I needed to drop Missy off at her house and then go home to get my bag for the hospital. I called Daddy at work from Missy's house. They wouldn't let me talk to him. It's not like I EVER had called him at work before, so I told the lady on the phone...with a little bit of an attitude, "Then, why don't you just TELL HIM that his WIFE is in LABOR and to meet me at the HOSPITAL!!!!" She immediately felt bad and must have told Daddy right away because by the time I got home, Daddy was there and we grabbed my bag and off we went.

On the way to the hospital, I called Grandma Linda and told her that she may want to get in the car and head down here because I was going to the hospital. SHE WAS EXCITED! She was carrying a bag in her car already to leave whenever I called! She was 4 hours away, so she knew that when I called, she'd need to head outta there quick!

Things progressed rather slowly...seems like once I was at the hospital, you decided that you'd take your own sweet time. It was a Wednesday. Grandma showed up around 7-ish. She must have FLOWN in her car! When she got to the hospital Daddy and I were walking through the halls, because that's what they make mommies do so that the baby will start heading south. I was waddling through the halls, big as can be when Grandma came around a corner and saw us. She couldn't BELIEVE how huge my belly was! She was so excited!

We went back to the room and my pains started coming pretty good, when I decided that I wanted to go into the shower. That. Was. AWESOME! I couldn't feel my labor pains the entire time I was in there. Daddy came with me, and we were in there for over 45 minutes! Grandma came up to the door a bunch of times to ask me if I was okay, and all I could tell her was, "It feels REALLY good in here!!!!"

Wednesday came and went. You didn't want to come out yet. I was getting pretty tired, but it was fun watching the computer, figuring out when the pains were going to come - you could see that there would be a big huge spike on the monitor when it really hurt, then it'd just slowly decline. Daddy was a big help. He'd get me ready for the pains and I'd breathe through them. The doctor finally came in on Thursday to tell me that he wants things to speed up a little and decided to give me some drugs and also a type of pain medicine that wouldn't slow down my contractions at all - or really even ease the pain much - but it just made me really loopy so that I didn't CARE anymore that it hurt. That was FUN! I was acting so silly that I was cracking up everyone in our room. I told everyone they needed to try this stuff!

Things kinda got scary after awhile, your heart rate went way down, and so did mine. Next thing I know they are putting oxygen on me and decided that they wanted to place a monitor on YOU, even though you were still in my belly. They placed a screw into your head that would give them better readings of your heart rate so that if something happened, they'd have to whisk us away and deliver you via C-section. We never had to do that, but I remember being so scared that I was crying really hard, and that didn't help my heart rate any and then I made Grandma and Daddy really scared and they started crying.

Eventually we all calmed down and it was time for Mommy to get an epidural. That was the weirdest/awesomest thing that could have happened to me. It took all my pains away, and it was a good thing too because NOW I could get some sleep. We had been in the hospital since 3pm the day before and we were already on day two, and still no baby.

By about 5pm things started changing and it was getting closer to the time that Mommy needed to push you out. Missy was back in the room with me, Grandma and Daddy were there too. About 7:15 it was time to start pushing and we worked slowly at it for awhile. Then the doctor came in and I instantly felt sorry for him because it was Thursday night at about 8pm and that was a GOOD TV NIGHT! I told him I was sorry for taking him away from "Friends" and he laughed at that. We kept pushing and pushing. Next thing you know this student walks in asking if he can be there when the baby comes because he needs to witness a birth so that he can get his EMT license. At that point, there were so many people messing with all my girly parts that I didn't care who was in that room. I was focused on meeting you and getting you out, so I said I didn't care.

Grandma and Missy were hugging eachother, Daddy was next to me and it was time. Only a few more pushes and you were going to be here! About 8:45 pm you arrived. You were pink and pretty and just the right size - I remember holding you for the first time and I instantly loved you more than anything in this world. You were all I ever wanted. You made us a FAMILY.

Because your heart rate had gone down they whisked you away to make sure you were okay, I made Daddy follow the doctors who took you - I had heard about so many babies getting switched in the hospital, I wanted him to keep his eyes on you the entire time. You and Daddy came back to the room and I got to hold you again. A few of Daddy's friends from school had shown up and after everything got cleaned up and covered up, people started coming into the room to meet you. First Daddy got to hold you, them Grandma, then Missy. It seems like you were passed around like a hot potato. You were so sweet. Uncle John came to the hospital to meet you too!

There was never a day in my entire life that changed me like the day you were born. From that point forward I was your Mommy, above all else. You made me whole and you were the missing piece in my life and you made me complete. It was now my job to protect and care for you. It is a job I love and wouldn't trade anything for and I wanted you to know how much I adore you.

I love you,

Mommy

Sweet Sailor Abby

This precious sweet brave girl set out in January on the trip of a lifetime.

Abby decided she wanted to circumnavigate the globe ALONE at the ripe old age of 16. She has a team of people backing her every move regarding weather, electronics and engine repair. She has a brother who completed this trip not long ago, so he mentored her. It's her DREAM. Dream BIG, I say!

Abby set out in January leaving Southern California. it wasn't long before she encountered electrical issues with some of her navigational equipment, so she took a detour and stopped in Cabo San Lucas. Her original goal of a non-stop trip from California ended, but she'd be able to start again from Cabo because the goal of a trip around the world is to cross the Equator twice, if she started from Cabo and ENDED in Cabo, she could still accomplish her task.

One of her biggest milestones, and that of any serious sailor is to make it around Cape Horn, Chile. She accomplished this task. I've been engrossed in this young womans travels and rounding Cape Horn is the sailors equivalent of climbing Mt. Everest for a mountaineer.

With another stop over in Cape Town, South Africa her dream of a non-stop trip came to an end, but it was necessary for more repairs to "Wild Eyes". It was okay...these trips can be planned but sometimes those plans need to be ammended and she is mature enough to realize that to accomplish her dream of sailing around the world, she needs to LIVE THROUGH IT, so these diversions, while they go against the plan, are necessary and not disappointing.

Yesterday, something happened. An emergency beacon sounded. Not only did the watercraft's beacon go off, but so did the one that Abby had to manually activate. She is in distress. It wasn't until now that we found out what her status is. She's okay. She's alive. She's uninjured...but Wild Eyes...not so much. After encountering 60 knot winds and really rough and high seas in the middle of the Indian Ocean (more than 1/2 of her journey under her belt which is over 12,250 miles) the rigging on her boat is in the water. It looks as though the masts that held her sails are nowhere to be seen from the photos that are posted on Abby's BLOG. Reports are that a rescue vessel is en route to pick her up and will be there within the next 12 hours as I type out this BLOG entry.

There is a lot of controversy surrounding this trip. The family is being raked over the coals. After taking the time to read Abby's BLOG and getting to know her through many of the interviews I've seen, I can say without a doubt that this girl seems as prepared as anyone who has 30 years of sailing under their belt.

The fact that she is in distress at the moment doesn't have anything to do with her capabilities of captaining this craft. 60 knot winds and rough seas could have happened to the most SEASONED of captains. I liken her dedication and bravery to that of an Olympic Competitor. She's got her eyes, mind and heart set on a goal. She's living her dream. My request of you, before you pass judgement on whether this 16 year old was ready for this adventure of a lifetime would be to read her BLOG. Watch her speak. See her perform some of the interviews.

Right now, Abby is safe. She's simply floating in the rough seas of the Indian Ocean. Who knows? Maybe she will get her masts repaired and continue on her voyage. If she does, God bless her and she has my vote of confidence. If not...she is admired by my and many others.

Safe sailing Abby. Return home safe with stories to tell!

Reno - we made it...NOW WHAT?!?!

So after the great SQUIRREL MASSACRE, we kept travelling...regardless of Tammy's faith dwindling in me that we were INDEED on the right path to Reno, we pulled into town around 6-ish.I told her to quit worrying so much, and did she listen to me?? NOPESIREEBOB! She did NOT!!

We checked into our hotel - eyes wide and ears overwhelmed with all the bells and whistles that are everything we'd DREAMED OF! Check in was a breeze.

Up to our room. TOP FLOOR! SWEEEEET! Plush comfy beds. That's my bed with the Teddy Bears that we won at the Circus Circus. I threw darts at balloons and KICKED ASS!!!!!!!

Awesome view of...the mountain range and the sky and, well, apparently they have this big huge National Bowling Stadium place that kinda looks like Epcot Center.

Yeah, I know...WTF IS THAT?!?!? Well, it's  where all the big bowling tournaments are held and they were having some kind of shin-dig that weekend.

So after checking out our view...we decided that the casino was calling our name! We went FIRST to the promotions counter to get our PLAYERS CARD! This was a huge awesome thing to do right outta the shoot. These cards, when inserted into your slot machines, rack up points and even MONEY for FREE PLAY! Yes...FREE! At one point I had gathered over $10 in free play, and that's a lot when you are on a budget. I mentioned "points". Well, you can get free buffet, money off your next stay, money off at the gift shop...all that stuff! So basically, we had spent enough money each day so that the entire trip we only had to pay for food TWICE! YIPPY! You and I BOTH know that if I didn't have to spend my gambling money on FOOD that I wouldn't! LOL

So by the time we had our Players Card it was time to satisfy our itchiness and we sat down and started handing over our money. We also meandered through our Hotel/Casino to get the lay of the land. We were staying in what I would call the nicest of all the casino's in town. There were a few others, but this one was super nice. It pays to have friends live in the place you're visiting so they can steer you in the right direction!

So this is one of the signs of our hotel. Very flashy and nice inside. Not sure why we didn't take more pictures...but we were more focused on winning money - which didn't HAPPEN. But we had LOTS of fun!

Before we went to bed on the last night, we decided to go out on the street and take some photos of the hotel sign and then the big Reno sign because ya gotta do THAT!!!!!

So here we are...dangling ourselves DANGEROUSLY into traffic so we could get in the picture with the big sign! We are crazy people! I'm telling YOU!

And again..here we are "holding up" the sign to the hotel. Okay! I know! We are WEIRD. Whatevaaaaaah. You love that about us...don't even LIE!

There was a point during one of our MARATHON slot playing nights that I was NOT doing well...I got up to head to the bathroom and almost fell over a few times. I can't believe that I got sick on this trip! I mean, we had been planning it for MONTHS! I tried so hard to not play the victim, but everything I did made me feel like ROADKILL! (hehehehe) BLARGH!

The last day we decided we wanted to head to bed early..only...what turned into 10:30PM! DAMMIT! I'm sick as a DOG and Tammy kept wanting to play her slots...okay okay okay. Let's go back to how this all started. We were playing this AWESOME progressive slot machine...which was INTERACTIVE...called The Amazing Race. After the TV show. TOTALLY RAD! That thing got over $200 dollars of my money at LEAST! But oh so FUN! I didn't mind at ALL. There are random bonuses that pop up and when they do (there are 4 of these machines in a row and they are all networked together) all of the players in the row get to participate! It was SOOO fun! The last day we were there we were HOOPIN' and HOLLERIN' like you would NOT believe. I think our secret goal was to be louder than the Craps table that was located DIRECTLY behind us. At several points, we had a huge crowd behind us watching us play and high-fiving us and everything. It was SOOOOO fun! So after we had lost all the money we wanted to on Amazign Race we got up and went to eat. We decided after dinner that we'd get our parking validated and then head up to bed. Well.......there was a line at the hotel desk, so we turned to go and WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT! There was a room with slot machines right across from the Hotel Check-in counter! So of course, we popped in for a "minute" two hours later, Tammy is up $260 and I managed to pull $80 back out of the machines! YIPPY! I looked at my watch and FLIPPED A COOKIE!!!! I was all..."Uh...DUDE!!!!! It's 10:15!"....Tammy said, "OH, SHIT!". And VWOOOOOOSH we went upstairs to our room, packed and jumped in bed for a wake up of 6AM. I didn't sleep very well. Sick, I knew i had to drive the entire way home because Tammy made it clear a FEW TIMES over the long weekend that she HATED to drive long distances. So, I sucked it up and when we hit the road at 7:15...I settled in for the long haul.

More later. Gotta get some work done. STUPID WORK! I love you. Carm

RENO - On our WAY - um...KINDA!

As I mentioned, the Road Trip to Reno was SUPER FUN!

For those of you that don't know...I enjoy writing on the windows of my vehicles when I take a road trip. This one was no exception!

The only problem was, it was raining the entire time we were driving on Thursday, so I brought my MEGA CRAYOLA WINDOW MARKERS with us in the hopes that when we woke up in Southern Oregon, the weather would have taken a turn for the better.

As we were driving through the dark of night...speeding WAAAAY too fast, we noticed something that we thought was going to be the GREATEST SIGN OF ALL TIME THAT WE WERE GOING TO WIN MONEY!!!! Can you see that? I was going 77 miles an hour and my mileage on my new car hit 7777!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT! Also...it was 11:49 pm. We were basically giddy anyway. It didn't take much to put us over the edge.

We woke up the next morning - well, TAMMY woke up...I didn't seem to sleep at all. I'm like a little kid sometimes! We got up, dressed, primped and packed and in about an hour we were off again! Well, lucky for us...IT STOPPED RAINING!!!!! While Tammy was hitting the office to take advantage of whatever rinky-dink continental breakfast they offered, I was busy with my markers. Above the squiggly yellow line it says, "HELLO GORGEOUS!!" Among other things, we had a Follow Us on Twitter message, a WILL WAVE FOR HONKS message, BUCKLE UP, WE LOVE YOU message...and a few silly others.

I know I posted this one already, but we are so cute, I decided to torture you some more, also if I'm following the photo timeline, then you HAVE to see it again, because...um...well? We snapped this one after she took pics of the car. SO DEAL WITH IT!!

We jumped in the car and AWAAAAAAAAAYYYY We GO!!

After hitting the road, I quickly realized that I didn't quite exactly review the directions before we left the hotel parking lot, and well......I got on I-5...heading south....and uh....I should have headed north about 3 measly exits. I wanted to fill up with gas, and there was an exit ahead about 2 miles, so we just continued on. Once we got there and filled the tank, I kinda sorta forgot to look at them AGAIN, and continued south...*shrugs* Who cares?!? I actually printed out TWO versions of directions...the short way and the longer more SCENIC route, in case Tammy wanted to see Mt. Shasta on the way there. So, basically, I gave her no choice. It only added another HOUR to the trip...and if we hadn't taken the detour, we would never have gotten the awesome pictures that she took...so it was meant to be!

South to Redding, California it was! Tammy had never been much south of the Oregon/California border, so she was squealing pretty much the entire time...which...was fun/annoying, but then again, I can be pretty annoying too, what with being able to sing just about any song that comes on the radio/CD. Some of the stuff I was signing I haven't heard in 25 years. I must be like a Musical Rainman or something because I was even impressing MYSELF!

So, let's fast forward to when we hit Redding, California! All of a sudden Tammy got really doubtful of my navigational capabilities. And she has this cell phone, powered by Sprint - which gets no EFFING signal 99% of the time, and she whips it out and decides she's gonna pull up the GPS. And it's telling us we're off course and telling us to get back on the freeway, and I'm all, "Dude, the stuff I printed out say to head through Redding and then we'll get on a highway that heads EAST. We gotta head East at SOME POINT..." and she was all, "It doesn't LOOK RIGHT!" and I was all..."Let's just SEE where it takes us, because I'm farily certain if we continue going SOUTH we'll end up in MEXICO, and there aren't any CASINO'S down there and I'm getting the CRAZY EYE!!!!!!!!!!!!" So, we went on our merry little way. We see the turn off that says Highway 44 East. SUH-WEET! IN YO' FACE HOLMES!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did a little happy dance/I told you so dance, and then she had to pee. PERFECT! *rolls eyes*

I can hold it for HOURS! I'm like a fricken CAMEL...Tammy on the other hand has a bladder the size of a thimble and she takes one sip of water and WHAMMO!!! She's all, "GIRRRRRRRRLLLLLLL! I gots ta PEE!!!!!!!" So we stop at the next rest stop, do our THANG, hope back in the car and get gas at the next gas station we see, and head up and over the "Siskyou" mountain range. Very pretty...very road constructiony....very...uh...ROAD KILLY!!!

So we're driving up and over the mountains and we're jammin to some Dixie Chicks travelling at about 77 miles an hour still because I decided that was the lucky speed to be travelling and......and this squirrel the size of a Weiner Dog runs into the road, stops, looks at me, does a stutter step to the left, a stutter step to the right, takes about 4 little squirrely steps......................and......................uh - THUNK THUNK THUNK THUD THUNK.......................I killed that little sucker! I can't believe it STILL! I've never hit ANYTHING! DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tammy threw her hands over her mouth. I threw ONE hand over my mouth! "HOLY SHIT! I JUST KILLED THAT SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!!!!" Tammy is like screaming her head off and I was all, "Holy shit! DID YOU SEE THAT?!?!?!? He like ran out in the middle of the road and tried to turn back, then realized he was already too commited and turned to keep going, then turned back to look at me and then kinda decided to just go and WHAMMO!!!!!!!!"...Tammy said, "YOU MURDERER!!!!!!!!!!"....

As I sat there, still going 77, that THUNKING kinda just kept echoing in my head. I kept replaying it over and over, if there was something I could have done differently...but DUDE! I was going SEVENTY-SEVEN MILES AN HOUR! If I had jerked the steering wheel to avoid him, I could have flipped the car, FIRST OF ALL. SECONDLY, there was like a CLIFF on the right! Basically, it was HIM or ME!!!!!! And then the Elton John song ran through my head from the Lion King - The Circle of Life. And I decided that I was just helping the vultures and crows and all the other scavengers live high on the hog that day. Then I said a little prayer for the Lord not to give me back luck, because let's face it...he created squirrels too! And it was OBVIOUS I felt really REALLY bad, except...I kinda sorta started laughing shortly after the THUNKING stopped, because...if I hadn'tve started laughing, I might have started crying...and well? Who wants to see a grown CARM cry?!? NOT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's all for now. More later or tomorrow. I have lots to do still. LOVE YOU!

RENO, Carmstyle

I've been back from Reno for 13 hours. I'm EXHAUSTED!

We had a great time! Tammy and I got an early start on Thursday because she left work earlier than she expected to, so we were on the road a little before 6 PM. We started the trip with The Dixie Chicks in the CD player. We were so excited! We had SNACKS! We had MUSIC! We had the anticipation of an AWESOME TRIP! We also had ME getting sicker and sicker as each moment ticked by, as some of you witnessed by my Facebook Status updates that I posted periodically.

By 10:30 we were eating dinner in Eugene, OR. I HAD MY FIRST PEPSI IN 6 MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!! It was more delicious than I remembered. This was my weekend to treat myself. We also hadta gas up and eat and decide if we felt like pushing ourselves or settling in for the night. We grabbed one of those rinky-dink hotel coupon books they have sitting in the cardboard stands near the newspapers - called a hotel that was about 2 1/2 hours MORE south than Eugene and decided that MEDFORD, OR would be where we spent the night. We got about 4 hours of sleep and hit the road again.

After a really crappy nights sleep, we packed up the car with Tammy's two HUGE SUITCASES and my lowly dufflebag and then proceeded to write all over the windows of my car. We took a few pictures.We were doing fine until we started out Friday morning heading SOUTH on I-5 - you see, we should have travelled NORTH about 3 more exits to be sure we could follow the directions I printed out to get us to Reno....BUT....I was in the southbound lane...............so we continued SOUTH. To be fair, I did print two versions of "Getting There" directions. One would take about an hour longer than the first. Good thing I did that! So, PLAN "B" it was!

Just wanted you all to know I got home in one piece and will post more later. Also hope to add more pictures. Gotta get some work done. :o)

Have a great day! ~ Carm

Electrifying Excitement!

There are only 6 more wake ups till my RENO ROAD TRIP!

I'm so excited. I've washed my car twice, and have a HELLA lot of laundry to do so that I can pick and choose my outfits for the 4 days.

Here's the deal: I'm not sleeping well..AT ALL. I'm so excited and I lay down, while thinking to myself, "When I wake up tomorrow, there will only be 5 more wake-ups till we leave!!! BAAAAHH!" and then my legs get all jumpy and I get tossy-and-turny and my eyes are WIDE OPEN and I watch the minutes pass by on my clock on my nightstand and start doing the math in my mind..."It's 11:23 PM...if I try really hard to fall asleep NOW, I'll get 7 hours and 37 minutes of sleep before I wake up...and then it'll be FIVE MORE WAKE UPS!!!!!"...so I crimp my eyes shut...really squinty...then I open one eye and see that it's now 11:38 PM. I close it quick, as if someone would have seen me peeking at the time.

I get really close to falling asleep and then it happens...I have to start all over again! You know WHY?!?!?! Because my freaking HUSBAND has a dream, and somehow, WHILE HE'S STILL SLEEPING, I can hear him yelling/mumbling "WAKE ME UP!!! CARRRRMMMMM! WAKE ME UP!!!!!" only it sounds more like, "MMMMAKE ME MMMUUUUUUPPPP!!!! PAAAAARRRRMMMM!!!! MMMAKE MEE MMMMUUUPPPPP!"...so of course...I gently whack him one...and he's still mumbling something in his dream, and I'm all, "DUDE!! Are you AWAKE YET???" He said, "MmmmmI'm bbbworking on it..." and he's still ASLEEP!!!!! WTF?

You know what? When someone does that to me? I'm all, "Yes sir, I'm awake, what can I do for you?" But nooooohohohohoho! Not him...it's gotta be all this drama. Then he sweetly puts his arm on my hip and spoons me, then starts to fall back asleep. Meanwhile, I peek at the clock again...and it's 11:45 PM. I let out a big ol' sigh and do you think that wakes him up wondering why I'm sighing? NO SIRREEBOB! HE DOES NOT! Next thing you know, I peek at the time again and it's 11:53 PM and I've been fighting for over half an hour to get to sleep and I decide, "Okay! THIS IS IT! I'm NOT gonna look at the clock anymore. I'm SERIOUS this time! I'm going to SLEEP!!!!!!!! I MEAN IT!"...about 10 minutes pass and Mr. is getting all jerky and jumpy in his sleep and the next thing I know he punches me in the BOOB because when he sleeps he, well...I dunno what happens...we can call it TWITCH if you want...but sometimes, it packs a WALLUP! So...that puts us at about 12:10-ish...and CARM IS NOT A HAPPY CAMPER!

I'm already excited about the trip. Like seriously OCD excited. I've done the math...I know how many Days, Hours, Minutes it'll be before I can go get Tammy and we can LEAVE, based on when she gets off work...so I have about 3-4 calculations going on in my head whenever I look at a clock.

My question is this. Do we ever outgrow that Electrifying Excitement that we get as children when we are told that we get to go on a trip to Disneyland and we drive our parents crazy with questions like, "How many days NOW?!?!?!?!"

Dude, I need therapy...and drugs to get me through the next 6 days. It's gonna be torture!

Whoa...new Country Song...Whatcha think?

I Pray for You - I was listening to the radio at work today and this song came on. We have some pretty hilarious DJ's here in Seattle and I thouht it was one of their ads or a made up song that they did to promote the station...totally thought it was a joke. Turns out it's a new release! Someone I have never heard of before....

I hope the music video is REALLY funny...because just reading the lyrics? It's pretty hardcore. I suppose it just depends on your mood. I'll let you decide:

I havent been to church since I don’t remember when
Things were goin’ great ‘til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
He said you can’t go hatin’ others who have done wrong to you
Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn
Let the good Lord do His job and you just pray for them

I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know whereever you are honey, I pray for you

I’m really glad I found my way to church
‘Cause I’m already feelin’ better and I thank God for the words
Yeah I’m goin’ take the high road
And do what the preacher told me to do
You keep messin’ up and I’ll keep prayin’ for you

I pray your tire blows out at 110
I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend and wake up with his and her tattoos

I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know whereever you are, near or far, in your house or in your car,
wherever you are honey, I pray for you.
I pray for you

Our BLOG Family

Remember when a majority of us started blogging here? I think when I started it was in May of 2008. I could be wrong...I'll have to look at my very first post to figure it out. I had no idea what was to come of this feeble attempt at jotting down my thoughts and feelings.It seemed like there was a handful of us that stumbled here about the same time.

Turns out - two years or whatever it's been, later - this has been the biggest blessing I could have imagined. And to think...it was a friend of mine who said, "Carm! You are soooo funny! You need to check this place out! It's a women's blog site and I think you would have so much fun with it!" Boy, was she right.

Never did I think that I could have formed a place in my heart so quickly for people I've never met. Or invited a couple of you to come to my house for dinner. Or bounced around Seattle with you. Or received the BEST JANUARY GIFT EXTRAVAGANZA from so many of you that it made my head spin...never. I never ever thought that you all would touch my heart so much and make me laugh sooooo hard! And I never thought that I would help one of you build a Sukkah. I never thought I’d take pride in any of your accomplishments or cry with you about your heartbreaks in life.

I have no idea what the creators of PNN thought would happen when they created this place, or if they ever actually READ what any of us write, but from the bottom of my heart I want to THANK YOU.

I don’t think that it’s coincidence that we all met up here. I also don’t think it's a surprise that the atmosphere here on PNN is the way that it is based on the strength – and yes, stubbornness – of the women who frequent this place. I think that it’s REALLY AWESOME that we can freely type what we feel and are not edited or “flagged” as being offensive when we want to drop an F-bomb whenever we feel like it.

To be able to celebrate our differences and to grow together as a community is perhaps one of the best gifts that I can take from my experience here. I learn something new every day. Whether it be a thought process, or a way to write or…even a new slang word, like “douche-canoe”. (Mad props to Kerri- our resident Question of the Day lady…you made me snort with that one.)

I love you guys...I really do…you can ask ANYONE! ~ Love, Carm

Glee dorks...UNITE!

HEY GLEE FANS! An awesome spectacle happened in three locations in Seattle this weekend. I'm new to all this linking stuff, so this is my first attempt. Forgive me if it get's all jacked up. :o)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xU80Rsc7uz8

Harumph...attempt #2. I suck at this crap. But I'm gonna keep posting till I get it right, which could lead to some pretty funny stuff...

*heavy sigh* Attempt #3. SERIOUSLY?!?!?! Why the hell isn't this WORKING?!?!?! I'm gonna lose it in about TWO SHAKES!

#4 SHIT!!!!!!!!!! What started out as an awesome thing to show you...which let's face it, you've probably read about already...has turned into a FIASCO!!!!! DAMMIT!!!!! Now, I'm just pissed and could care less if it works now or not. Just copy the damn address and paste it into your browser...FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! SHIT!!!!!!!!

Email Spam SPOOKY-NESS

So , I frequent CNN.com a lot throughout the day for my UP TO THE MINUTE news around the world as well as Entertainment Gossip...

Yesterday and the day before, they ran this article that posted pictures of Angelina Jolie doing one of her UN Amabasador trips in some impoverished country somewhere for which she should be commended and not criticized. The comments that were posted there never cease to amaze me. I cannot find the article now, or I'd link it here so you could see for yourself the scathing, rude, heartless comments that were made against her and her mission to end world suffering.

I commented, rather articulately in response to several people who were criticizing her and judging her about not doing more work here in the United States. Lest they forget that she and Brad worked tirelessly and donated HEAVILY to New Orleans after Katrina and many more causes, I'm sure. But I digress...the real reason I'm writing this article is because when I decided to post a comment to CNN, I had to submit my email address and a "screen name". Which I did.

I just received an email - from "UNITED NATIONS" - the subject? "GOOD......NEWS". Great. So while I'm reluctant to OPEN this email, it *IS* from the UNITED NATIONS! What if I'm being called to DUTY OR SOMETHING?!?!?!

What if it's from Angelina HERSELF, THANKING me for sticking up for her when those fucktards were bad mouthing her without even checking their facts and not seeing the big picture?!? What if....*gulp* she wanted to be my friend?!?! And this email is just her CODE NAME and I should just totally open it and then we'd become BFF's and we'd all go to France together and my kids and her kids could just have a great time and then Brad would come into the room and give me a big hug and tell me how glad he is to see me - I MEAN, IT'S BRAD PITT! HAPPY TO SEE ME!!!!!!

Then they just HAVE to buy the house next door to them for MY FAMILY, because my oldest daughter is old enough to babysit and it'd be like the PERFECT ARRANGEMENT! And before you know it, I'd be acting in their next blockbuster film and I'd be a go-zillionnaire and I could fly you all out to VEGAS and we could finally have that PNN SHAKEDOWN thingy we've always wanted to have and I could totally reserve an entire floor at the Bellagio for our WHOLE GANG...because of all the go-zillions I'm gonna make from acting and receiving my first Oscar next year, after which my husband will cheat on me and I'll have to kick him to the curb, because let's face it...that ain't cool. Then George Clooney will finally settle down with me, because once he found out I wasn't married, he just had to GET HIM SOME OF THAT...and who could blame him? With all the lipo and boob lifts, I'm one HOT MOMMA. Then the next thing you know? My daughter Katie is a HUGE STAR on the Disney Channel and then her sister Alissa gets cast as the next Cindy-Lou Who in the sequel to "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" starring Jim Carrey, which would be titled, "I KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY BITCHES!!!!!"

And that is pretty much what spooked me about that email I received from the UNITED NATIONS.

When a 8 year old heart BREAKS!

Look at those Baby Blues.

Tuesday's are "Chorus day" at Alissa's school. The routine in the morning is as follows:

Wake up @ 6am.

Get dressed.

Lunches made.

Teeth brushed.

Hair done.

Then the gathering of the school bags and coats happen and then ~SWOOSH~ we're out the door.

I take Alissa to her friend Larissa's house on Tuesdays because Larissa is in Chorus too and the Daycare that Alissa goes to in the mornings, doesn't have any kind of shuttle service and Chorus is before school. So Larissa's Daddy has graciously offered to let the kiddos hang together in the mornings (FEEDS MY KIDDO PANCAKES - BONUS!!!!)  at their house and he takes them to school to partake in the singing festivities. What a guy...

This takes us to YESTERDAY. We roll up to their house, Alissa gives me a kiss and we bid eachother a good day and she walks up to the door. I never leave until the door opens and I get a wave from Larissa's dad...and for good reason...or so I realized yesterday.

Alissa knocks...looks back at me and blows me a kiss...plays with the kitty that has wandered up to the door...knocks again...looks back at me and shoots me a big toothy grin...DING DONG...nothing...no movement inside the house...knocks..plays with kitty some more...looks at me and shrugs and I motion to her to come to the car. She walks up to the front passenger door and says, "Momma...I don't know what's going on...they aren't answering...it's weird." - she does this with the most bewildered giggly tone...smiling all the while. And I agree with her that it IS weird. We are talking about a very responsible dad here...single dad at that...always volunteering at school and devoted to his kids. I say, "Babydoll, I think I should just take you to daycare..." and before I could get the word "daycare" out of my mouth entirely, this child...who is the fruit of my LOINS...instantly teared up and frowned and said, "But I don't *want* to...let me try again...Mommy, please?"...WHOA PEOPLE!!!

Talk about a squishy heart! I think my heart broke right along with hers. I don't know how...call it good parenting, luck...whatever. But my children are extremely adaptable and tend not to fuss much at all when life throws them a curve ball. I wish I was more like them, to be honest. Their disappointment in things not working out has minimal effect on them. They just plain don't get dsappointed very often, or maybe they are future Oscar winners, I'm not sure. But this time? Oh, no sir. She was DEVASTATED!!! Her little smile turned to a frown and the smile and hopefullness in her eyes disappeared, and her voice got shaky and her little chin quivvered. IT QUIVVERED PEOPLE!!!! My heart breaking for her...I tried to avoid the inevitable waterworks that were about to flood the street.

I managed to get her into the car without much trouble, promising that I'd do all that I could to come get her in time to get her to school for Chorus. There weren't any tears, but...let me tell you folks...that was CLOSE!!! I almost just called in sick to work. I couldn't bear the thought of her being so sad.

So you are thinking..."Hey Carm! GROW A PAIR, WOMAN! Life is FULL of disappointments! Whatever happened to TOUGH LOVE?!?!"...to which I respond to you and ask, " DID YOU EVEN LOOK AT THAT PICTURE UP THERE?!?!?!?!?" I realize that picture was taken like 4 years ago...but those lovely blue eyes haven't changed...NOR has that button nose...and those FRECKLES? They are cuter than EVER!!!

I got her calmed down, she climbed into the car and I told her that I would try really hard to leave work on my breaktime and take her to school in time to get to Chorus. Which seemed to do the trick, although she really doesn't like to go to daycare, I haven't a choice right now...we need her to ride the bus to school from there. It's just that if she has any before-school activities, it's up to the PARENTS to get them there. Blargh.

So, I got to work and asked the BIG MAN if I could leave at 8am to take Alissa to school for Chorus and he says YES...without even getting a vote from CONGRESS or ANYTHING! And I'm all...WHOA!! AWESOME! So I bust outta here and head to daycare and she's smiling again...and I get another KISS and "noses"...and off she goes...dragging her backpack on wheels with her...

Pinching, Poking and Cleavage

Good LORD ladies...my bra is pissing me OFF TODAY!

First of all...who's friggin' BRIGHT IDEA was it to put metal wire into our undergarments? A MAN NO DOUBT! Assholes.

So, here's what I'm experiencing...pinching approximately 5-6" below my armpit, thanks to the little strips of PLASTIC that they insert to the band that goes around your ribcage - which I beleive serves two purposes - #1) keeping the structure of the bra. #2) TO PISS ME OFF!

Here's something ELSE I experience...and yes, I have an ample amount of BOOBAGE. IS THAT SUCH A CRIME?!?!?!?! NO!!!!!!!!!! Is it really hard to find a bra that doesn't, after about two months, wear out in the "underwire" area so that the lovely little wire POKES THROUGH THE DAMN MATERIAL and consequently JABS into my FUN BAGS?!?! Which...I'm guessing a MAN came out with THAT term, because I would be happy enough to just get these suckers chopped off. My uterus isn't going to carry anymore fetuses, so I may as well get rid of them. They are utterly USELESS...ha! Just saw the word "utterly" there...and I unintentionally made a COW reference...that's pretty damn funny.

So I'm sitting here at work...arms stretched across the front of my desk so that I can TYPE...and each time I move...I get POKED.

I've spent some GOOD MONEY on bra's...it's not like I'm rummaging through the clearance bin @ Wal-Mart for God's sake! Nicely made, fantastically luxurious materials that are thick and durable...but why does the underwire bust through it? You'd think if we can cure CANCER, we should be able to construct a bra that doesn't poke the ba-jeezus out of our TA-TA's.

Excuse me, I need to adjust myself AGAIN...talk amongst yourselves. :o)

Our own worst enemy

Remember when the video store was the most MAGICAL place you had ever set foot into? Back when you had a VCR. The walls to these stores were filled with movies you had never heard of...and with a reach to the shelf...you had what you wanted, and were able to take it home right then and there! WOW!

Ever notice how some of the things we have discovered over the last 30- 40 years have bitten us in our own asses? Take Netflix for example. Now, let's see the effect that this modern idea has transformed the typical video store. ~POOF~ VWALAH - it's GONE! So are the jobs they created...they are dying a slow, painful death. There's absolutely no reason WHATSOEVER to go visit a video store anymore. You can now log onto the internet, order your GROCERIES, a movie, dinner, pay your bills, talk to friends, buy clothes, and often times make your LIVING, sitting in front of a computer. It's no damn wonder we are seeing an increase in health risks and obesity. We don't even have to use our triceps anymore to do 85% of what we used to have to get up and do MANUALLY.

I'm a little tired today, I think I'll log onto Safeway.com and make a grocery list and have them deliver. I'm hungry for pizza, I think I'll log onto PizzaHut.com and have them deliver. I'm bored, I think I'll log onto Netflix.com and watch a movie INSTANTLY on my PC. I want to go on a trip. Travel Agent? What is that? Is that what they call Expedia.com or Orbitz.com now? Yep. Yep, it is.

Sometimes I think my childrens' only hope is that someone completely take over control and requires us all to get off of our asses and take our lives back. I fear for them. I fear for me.

Yikes.

The gift of Exercise...gee THANKS!

Dear  Diary,
For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear)  purchased a week of personal training at the local health  club for me.

Very  inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my  sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it  in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a  FANTASTIC week !!  
                      

________________________________
TUESDAY:
I  drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the  door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron  bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a  little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile.  His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT !!  It's a whole new life for me.  
                      

_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The  only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on  the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I  believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as  long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a  GEO in the club parking lot.

Christo was impatient  with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club  members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in  the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine  that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on  the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why  the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an  activity rendered obsolete by elevators?  
  Christo told me it would help me get in  shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.  
                      

_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Asshole  was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as  his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I  couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that  long to tie my shoes.

He took me to work out with  dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the  restroom. He sent some skinny little bitch to find  me.

Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing  
                      machine  -- which I sank.  
                      
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I  hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever  hated any other human being in the history of the world.  Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little aerobic instructor.  If there was a part of my body I could move without  unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.  
                      

Christo  wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't  
      have any triceps!  And if you don't want dents in the  
    floor, don't hand me the damn  barbells or anything that weighs more than a  sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on  a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been  someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?  

__________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan  left a message on my answering machine in his grating,  shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just  hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my  planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV  remote and ended up
 catching eleven straight hours  of the Weather Channel.  
                      

________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm  having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can  go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray  that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is  fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if  God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the  floor with diamonds !!!

My Mom sent me this and I had to share it with my sweetest friends. HA!

Dreams vs. Deja Vu vs. Reality

Usually it's a movie that sends my dreams to a place I'd rather not be.

After watching a movie on Saturday night, "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" starring Matthew McConaughey...I went to one of those places. It wasn't this huge epic film...not even close to Oscar Worthy...but the new Saturday movie on HBO, and I just can't NOT watch, right? I mean...he guy has it GOIN ON!

The movie - in a quick recap - consisted of his many conquests, his true love that he let down and the revisiting of moments of his life...very Scrooge-esque.

Fast forward to about 3AM and I woke up in a cold sweat. Got out of bed, went downstairs to get a glass of water and to basically "shake it off". I cried. Big fat tears.

~Dream Sequence~ Wearing a silk shawl...solid color...no pattern...

Somehow I was in touch with someone or something that was able to tell me things that had not yet happened. I asked questions and this "being" that seemed to just be a cloud of water vapor would write the answers that I sought on my silk shawl, only until I read it, then it disappeared.

I asked this cloud if my parents would EVER get another boat. The answer was clearly, "No, not ever." after a smattering of other questions, the one that threw me for a loop and woke me up and eventually caused my crying fit, is the only other question that I clearly remember.

"Will anyone close to me die anytime soon?"...the answer revealed to me on my silk shawl? "Alissa, age 11, cancer in the bones of her right elbow." I screamed. I woke up. I threw the blankets off of me...I ran downstairs and stood at the bathroom sink and looked at myself in the mirror and sobbed. There was something so real about this dream.

I've had dreams and sequences happen in my life that have made me feel as though I could see things that no one else could predict. Like the space shuttle blowing up when I was in 7th grade. I looked up into the sky when letting my dog outside and asked my Mom if there was a space shuttle in outer space that night. She said no, but one is launching tomorrow with the teacher on board. She asked me why...I told her that I saw a bright flash of light in the stars, it looked like an explosion. She came to the sliding door and looked and didn't see anything. The next day...ka-blooey.

There have been a few other things that I've passed off as deja-vu...and coinsidence...but this dream seemed so real. I finished my water and noticed my oldest daughter was sleeping on the couch...she wasn't feeling well when she went to bed, so I checked on her, gave her medicine and cried a little more and told her about my dream. She hugged me and felt bad that I was crying.

It took me a couple hours to fall asleep after that, but I did. When I woke up I found Alissa and hugged her so tightly...told her I loved her and examined her elbows for anything funny looking or out of the ordinary. She looked fine.I didn't want to tell her that I had had that horrible dream about her. That she died at age 11. I mean...why do that to a kid? All I know...is when she turns 12...in 3 years and 3 months...I will be ONE HAPPY MOMMA!

I love you...I really do...you can ask ANYONE!! ~ Love, Carm

Another one bites the dust!

Here we are...Welcome to your worst nightmare.

I'm Carm...I'll be teaching you all you need to know about this business. You're lucky that I'm the one who gets to show you around...everyone here is even weirder than I am...so you just count your LUCKY stars because...if you think I'm bad? Wait till you meet the rest of this nuthouse.

That's what I wanted to say. We have a new employee. I was able to interview her...and she seemed like the perfect fit.

SEEMED. (Me = visual aid to the left)

Fast forward to her two week "anniversary" and...uh...holy shit. What a mistake. *rolls eyes & sighs*

First day...

Sitting beside me, I ask how she best learns new things. Sometimes people like to sit in the drivers seat and have someone just simply SHOW them what to do...others like to see the task being DONE, then attempt it on their own. I, personally am the latter type person. Show me, then I'll do it, with perhaps a check-in every now and then to make sure I'm on the right track and then proofing, what I beleive is the completed project, checking for accuracy, etc.

She "said" that she preferred the latter as well...and away we went. Simple things were lost on her, or as I'm talking, she says, "Oh wow. I love this song." Seemingly acting "awesome" or wanting to be the "cool kid". Trying to act like she's almost shocked at the detail that is required to perform each task.

Sense of humor? Odd. Left of center. Quirky and she mumbles. KILL ME NOW! So we are photocopying some things...punching and binding some of our books that we produce for our Members (long heavy explanation...don't ask.) So we're making all this "racket" with all the loud machines and she's trying to "get to know me" and it's like I see her mouth moving, but all I hear are the machines around me...I mean I don't even hear a mumble or ANYTHING...and I'm all...."Uh-huh....that's AWESOME." (Ms. Santos...yeah...you're not the only one who does that when you don't give a shit about what another person is saying...lol.)

So after a week of showing this person how to do things and getting these looks from her like ... "    : o O   " I've about had it...and you know, when you have the power to tell the big boss whether someone is working out or not?...it's a little hard to handle. At least for me it is.

She was hired to assist me, but also to assist the SB (Step-bastard = step-dad, who is my Boss, along with my Mom, whom I do not refer to in any derogatory way...generally anyway...), who claims to be an expert in Excel, but I really think that he just knows what he wants a spreadsheet to do and needs someone who can make his demented dream a reality...and she claimed to be a "notch below EXPERT in Excel." Welp...she isn't and it took FOREVER for her to complete a simple spreadsheet for him, that I could have probably done for him, and I consider myself a "notch below BEGINNER in Excel." So, SB is taking the stance that she flat out lied on her application and to his FACE in the interview. (Seems like that's how he approaches a lot of things...LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!)

So I'm sitting here showing her how we run our credit cards and we write the business name on the signiture line, then what the payment is for UNDERNEATH that...and she screws that direction up...which I thought was almost IMPOSSIBLE.

The kicker with training someone in this office is trying to relay to them the seriousness of attention to detail and the fact that the boss is OCD about EVERYTHING, without seeming like everything I am telling them is gossipy or derogitory. That's not my intention...but after about 5 minutes of training, it's obvious that this place is run on pure intimidation, and either I prep them for what is to BE after the "Honeymoon Period" and what they can expect, because MY management style and SB's Management Style are WORLDS APART. I like to build people up and build their confidence...and uh...he DOESN'T. But how do you relay that to someone in a way that they understand that they have to do things a VERY SPECIFIC way so as not to upset the apple cart? I dunno...I just do my best...

So, she's not working out. I found that out yesterday, she's disappointed my parents...and ME...and she won't take notes or refer to them and she has NO sense of urgency and she chews gum, which was pointed out on her first day and about 14 other times TO HER FACE by SB and my mom, telling her, "Your gum chewing is a HUGE deal to SB, and you need to not chew it here.", and yet? I just saw her walk by with gum in her mouth.

SB came into my office and closed my door last night and asked me how it was going. I told him I was concerned she isn't picking up on things very quickly and that she has no sense of urgency. I told him that I wanted to be sure that I was doing a proper job of training her and perhaps missing the mark on giving her all the tools she needs to catch on quicker, but I feel that when showing her how to do things, she gets distracted and doesn't pay attention. Doesn't let me know that she's done completing a task...come to find out that she's been sitting at her desk for an hour when she could have been working on something for me. I MEAN JESUS!

So just now? To give you a glimpse into what I'm dealing with? Yeah...she FINALLY CAME TO ME to ask what she can do (I've been kinda waiting for her to come and ask me what she can do for me today...just for fun...)...it's 1:45PM...she's been here since 6:30AM, I handed her MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF FILING, and instead of going to the filing cabinets to do the task I just handed her with clear and explicit instructions, she went to her desk...and is working on something ELSE. So she's basically, if history repeats, going to completely forget the instructions I gave her and I'll have to explain myself again...and I'll be irritated this time. BLARGH!

You know the scene where woody woodpecker kinda goes cukoo and starts his mad-gigglefit and bounces on his head then his feet as the cartoon ends? "Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo*boing-boing-boing*hoo-hoo-hoo!"...that's me...RIGHT NOW.

It was just a matter of time...

We moved into our office building last September. It's been 6 months. My office....and YES, I went from "cubby" to "office" (yay!)...faces the parking lot, and more importantly, it faces OUR parking spots. We have assigned parking. Had the building management even write on the pavement, "3rd FLOOR ONLY". Also we have 4 posts with signs erected in 4 of the 10 spaces designating parking for OUR EMPLOYEES ONLY.

We share the building with two other floors which inhabits Multi-Care - the are the Hospice unit - visiting and caring for those close to death and their families, councelling, prayer, yadda yadda.

Our very first moving day, we had two large trucks that moved our 6,000 square foot office into this building. We coned off about 5 of the spaces so that our moving trucks and crew could fit and unload our office equipment and furniture with ease and efficiency. They had to make about 2 trips each to get us completely moved in.

I suppose that was the first mis-step that dear old dad made in is ASSUMPTION that it'd be okay to CONE OFF 1/2 of the other business' parking spaces - WITHOUT ASKING. The very first thing that happened when I showed up for work that day was that someone parked in one of the coned off spaces that was coned off for the moving truck. Dear old dad told me to rush down and ask the ladies that were parking there to please move their vehicle so that the movers could sweep in, unlead and leave.

I'm typically an extremely friendly person, and I LOVE OLD PEOPLE! They are my weakness...I just ADORE them. So I looked through the window and saw the car...I ran down the stairs...here's how this shook down:

Me: Hi!We're moving in, up on the 3rd floor and we have these cones here to protect your vehicles because we'll have moving trucks running in and out of here all day.

Lady (driver): YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO WORK HERE YOU KNOW!!!!

Me: Yes, I know that, but we're moving in, and to protect your vehicle, we're asking if you could just back it into one of our spaces right behind you so that your car doesn't get damaged.

Lady (driver): YOU TELL YOUR MOVING TRUCK DRIVERS TO WATCH OUT BECAUSE I'M NOT MOVING MY CAR!!!!!!

Me: Well, that was really rude!

Lady (passenger): She just called you RUDE!!!!!

Lady (driver): *mumble mumble mumble*

Me: *turned away and walked back upstairs nice and normal like*

So I get upstairs and I told Dear old Dad how the whole exchange went down. And internally, I'm thinking that they probably sent down the BEST PERSON for this job. My Dad certainly would have probably given the old broad a heart attack by getting all up in her GRILL about not moving. I told him that I asked her to move, making it seem as though we were being thoughtful and didn't want her car damaged, but still wanting her to move her vehicle so that we could get in there with the moving truck...trying to sweeten the deal by making it seem like I was looking out for her best interest. I told him that I told her she was rude. I also told him that I bet she goes through her life getting in peoples face and just spewing all her grumpy old lady speak to whoever will listen and take it with a grain of salt, and at the same time wondering how many times she had been let off "the hook". Probably thinking that this behavior is acceptable. WELP! I'm not letting her off the hook, I don't care what kind of riot ensues...the truth is the TRUTH.

So about an hour later, this lady's supervisor comes up and "introduces" herself to my parents and begins discussing the "situation" downstairs. I chimed in stating the reason I went down there was to ask her to pull into one of OUR spaces so that her vehicle would be clear of potential damage and being blocked in by our moving truck and she spouted off her grumpy old lady speak and I called her on it. There was no reason to be rude...in fact...is being rude to a new neighbor really the way they want to start this relationship?!?!?! My Dear old Dad mentioned that he couldn't have sent a NICER person in our office, down to ask this lady to move...

So the little joke in the office has been, "I wonder how long it'll be before Carmen is asked to take down make, model and license # of the vehicles that park in our spaces WHICH ARE CLEARLY MARKED and report it to the supervisor downstairs."....The answer? Exactly 5 months and 22 days.

I'm now required to LOOK OUT MY WINDOW and stop everything that I'm doing to write down all this information and call the lady downstairs to ask her employees to move their vehicles. When I was asked to do this, I asked if I was supposed to track it in a spreadsheet or something (which we had to do at the old building...) and dear old dad said, "Carmen...I'm not building a case here or anything!" Silly me....this, coming from a guy who has me track all the spreadsheets that I have with...yet...another spreadsheet...I GIVE UP!!!!!

Right now? Huge moving truck in one of our spots. Ford Fusion in one of our spots. I watched them BOTH pull in and look at the writing on the ground and disregard it. The beauty of it all? Dear old Dad is in a training session right now...so chances are these vehicles will be gone by the time he's done. I hope.

We don't even have enough employees to take up all the assigned spots. *sigh*

PNN has been HIJACKED!

Our worst nightmare has come true, people! SPAMMERS have eeked their way in and all that I've seen for the last 2 hours in the comment preview has been SPAM!!!!!!!!

I decided to create this blog entry and DEDICATE it to SPAMMERS!!! Let's use it to curse them, and let them know how unappreciated they are.

I thought the new captcha system was supposed to make it MORE DIFFICULT to do this?!?!?!?!

PNN - LET'S UNITE AND NOT BE OVERRUN BY THE DREADED SPAMBOT!!!!!! LET'S RISE UP AND RECLAIM OUR PNN!!!!!!!!!  WHO'S WITH ME?!?!?!?!

Water Heaters, Being Sick and Tugged Heartstrings

Cold shower anyone? My water heater is on it's last leg, which means 5 minutes of warm shower, IF you can manage to keep turning down the cold water so that more hot water comes out of the shower head. We've lived here for almost 8 years now, and it's practially the only update we've needed to make since we bought the house. Not too shabby. Only problem is, we're being aggressive about paying down our credit cards and that means there is really nothing extra by the time we have paid the bills.

I shared the water issue with Mom a couple weeks ago, and on Saturday, she called me to see how I was feeling and then proceeded to make me cry because she and the step-dad offered to buy us a new one...no spending limit. WHOA! I didn't expect that! I mean, this is the same guy I've had several blow-ups with and, as I've mentioned before, whenever he does something nice for us, it's because we put up with so much of his bullshit, it feels like we have finally taken enough abuse and we DESERVE anything we get, which to be honest, isn't much.

So after ranting about him being the worlds biggest dickhead, not just here in the blogosphere, but to his FACE...now I feel slightly bad, even though he's deserved each and ever BLOW-UP that he's gotten. So, this weekend, I beleive that we will be purchasing a new Water Heater. It's been about 3 months since I've taken a leisurely shower...which includes the necessary UP-KEEP that my legs have needed, so yeah...that means I haven't shaved my legs in like FOREVER, so now you may call me HELGA. :o)

I got sick last weekend and it's managed to hang on all week, which really REALLY sucks because I've been a total wimp about it at home. I've basically been drugged out on Nyquil since Saturday - not a bad way to spend a week, not having to lift a FINGER to take care of my family, but it's high time I get outta bed and join the land of the living. But I have to brag a bit about my husband and share with you a photo of my kids....which he dug up and is now sporting on his facebook page.

These are my girls. It was taken probably 4 years ago at a Tex-Mex place we love called Chevy's. It was Katie's birthday - hence the SOMBRERO - and she was gifted the yummy desert that you see her feasting on. As you can see she shared her treat with her little sister, who apparently is enjoying the taste she got and still eyeballing a way to get another spoonful. Just ADORABLE.

So the Tugged Heartstrings part of this Blog Entry? My husband. He's taken such good care of me since I've gotten this ass-kickin cold. I just love him. And when he posted that picture of the girls, I commented and said how adorable they are and he posted this, when referring to Alissa eyeballing her sisters treat "Her spoon is poised to snatch another bite and she's rapidly engineering the perfect spoonful! And her loving sister is generously allowing the theivery. What awesome kids...I'm tearing up just thinking about them.". Maybe we're getting old, but it seems that we are appreciating our kids more. He wrote the sweetest things in their Valentines Day cards too. What a guy.

I love you guys, I really do...you can ask ANYONE! ~ Love, Carm

If I were a super hero...

For Superbowl Sunday, hubs, the kids and I packed into the Scion xB for a trip to Sisters, Oregon to spend the weekend with our friends Karen and Michael.

<---- that's me and Karen. Aren't we cute? YEP!

So a few things I learned while on this weekend getaway...

1.) DO NOT TRY TO OPEN A BOTTLE OF STARBUCKS FRAPPACCINO ON THE ROAD! We were driving and it was about 10pm and the Hubs had me purchase him one of those pansy assed Frappaccino prissy drinks so that when it got late and he was going to doze off he could JOLT himself back into reality whilst driving through the deserts of Oregon and not fall asleep at the wheel killing us all by driving off the road into a lava bed somewhere in the middle of no-where. Well...dammit all to hell if I wasn't trying to be the doting and thankful wife by attempting to open the stupid bottle without turning on the dome light. FIRST OF ALL - why the effin HELL don't they figure out a better "sealing" system for these damn things??!?!?!?! We're cruising at a hefty clip of 74 mph in the open desert - no street lights...just a very long straight road - when I try to crack the hermetically sealed by SHRINK WRAP seal that prevents the innocent coffee drinker from diving right into what can only be described as a BROWN STICKY beverage - I can't get the stupid wrapper off, and I try to twist the cap and that didnt do it either...so I start to gnaw on the plastic with my two front teeth and EUREKA!!!!!! It finally started to peel off!!! It's a CHRISTMAS MIRACLE! So I get the wrapper off and I remember that ya gotta SHAKE the bottle so the sticky deliciousness gets all mixed up. THAT'S when it HAPPENED! I shook it...and apparently in the dark of night I didn't see that when I had removed the plastic wrapper? Yeah...the cap came off with it. SONUVABITCH!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean to tell you that I went from singing at the top of my lungs with some FERGALICIOUS to PISSED in like .00000000031 seconds! NOT COOL! So I was sitting there with Frappaccino ALL OVER MY NEW CAR! Dripping down my window, all over the door, all over the dash, and all over ME and the floor! FRAPPACCINO DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT COOL!!!! SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!!  And that's precisely what I posted on Facebook from my blackberry once we got stopped so that I could assess the damage. *sigh* MOTHER TRUCKER!

#2) Laughing till your face hurts REALLY GOOD! Karen and I can laugh like HYSTERICALLY for 4 days straight NO PROBLEM. I didn't know it could be done....but it can....and my stomach STILL HURTS!

#3.) I'm impervious to Jello-Shots. Normally I get drunk off of 1/3 of a Wine Cooler, but I sucked down 6 Jello-Shots and felt NOTHING!!! So I decided that if I was a Super Hero, my magical power would be that I can have ENORMOUS amounts of Jello-Shots without getting the LEAST BIT buzzed, therefore rendering my enemies powerless.

#4.) 3 day weekends go by REALLY REALLY FAST when you have such wonderful people to spend them with.

#5) Pack extra underwear. This is a good concept no matter your age, fitness level, or length of time away. But EXPECIALLY if you've had two or more children and intend on laughing A LOT!

#6.) Live like you are in love with EVERYTHING and EVERYONE at EVERY MOMENT!!!!

I love you...I really do...you can ask ANYONE! ~ Love, Carm

Navigating Cancer - My story

My Cancer story doesn’t have anything to do with me, or one of my close family members receiving a Cancer Diagnosis, although I have had family stricken with Cancer. I’d like to tell you about my FIRST experience.

My Cancer story starts with a breakfast I spent with a very close friend. We had worked together at a bank and I transferred across town and we met early one day before work for breakfast so that we could catch up. That’s where my Cancer story starts.

During breakfast, my friend talked to me about what had happened to her the night before. Her husband had gotten home late that night and as he was reading the newspaper he discovered that there was a Relay for Life event happening that night. They decided to go and see what this event was all about. As I listened to her tell the story…my mind was reeling…I had worked with her for two years and not once did she share with me this story of a boy named Zachary. Her son. Apparently, he had gotten a rare form of brain cancer and had passed away a short 4 years before I met her. My heart absolutely sank.

She explained how she and her husband went to the Relay and made it in time for the Luminary Ceremony. For those of you not familiar with this part of the Relay for Life, let me explain. This ceremony during the Relay is the most special time. The track is lined with paper sacks – thousands of them – that have been drawn on, pictures affixed, poems and memories written on them – for not only those who have passed, to honor and remember them, but also to celebrate the lives of those fighting Cancer. These sacks are then filled with a little bit of sand and inside is placed one candle. When the sun sets and it gets completely dark, they begin the ceremony, normally with bagpipes playing Amazing Grace and a sharing “open mic” of sorts. And the candles are lit.

As my friend and her husband made their way around the track – stadium lights turned down, the candles in each of the Luminaries lighting the walkers’ way around the track, they stopped. They turned to each other and began to sob. There, right in front of them, was a Luminary, dedicatedto their son Zach. Standing there crying, holding each other, they both felt a hand on each of their shoulders. Zach’s principal stood behind them and handed my friend a handkerchief to help dry her tears. They all embraced and it was that moment that Zach’s Team was born.

My friend told me this story as we were sitting there that morning for breakfast. She went on to tell me that she and her husband were going to form a team for the next year and asked if I’d like to join the team. As her friend…how could I say no?

After breakfast, we headed to a local store to pick up a new handkerchief for the sweet man who had touched them. Her plan was to get Zach’s initials embroidered onto the handkerchief and give it to him as a gift. A priceless gift. Almost as priceless as the two grieving parents who found that luminary with their sons name on it…and to think, they had never heard of this event before!

It’s been 12 years since “Zach’s Team” was formed. A lot of research and funding has been done in the name of Cancer. Many of the thousands of people who have been diagnosed with Cancer, now have hope and support that never was there before – because of the volunteers, doctors, fundraisers, organizations and now websites, like www.navigatingcancer.com are helping to educate and inform those who have been affected by this disease, and NOT just them, but their caregivers and support system as well. The resources are out there, waiting…if you know someone living with Cancer or know of someone who is caring for a Cancer patient…please direct them to places like www.navigatingcancer.com - you will be giving them a true gift.

Is love worth it?

Something struck me as I read a BLOG post today.

The writer said that there are no words that can truly comfort those close to the loss of someone who had made a significant mark on their life. Someone who shook them to the core with their insight.

Rather than upset that person with my comment, I decided to write it here, because one thing kept resonating in my soul as I read it. I was reading about how unfair it is that this person passed away. How no words of comfort could console the family and community that this person infiltrated. Nothing could take that hurt away.

The thing that kept resonating with me was actually a line from a movie that I just absolutely adore. City of Angels. It's an amazing love story. The line from the movie, "I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand, than and eternity without it. One."

Whether it's a spouse or a child or a close family member or a close friend...or even someone who just seemed to connect to us on a spiritual or personal level...isn't that something that we should think about? Had this person not graced us with their presence as long as we wanted...had you path not crossed with this person..shouldn't we be thankful and overwhelmed with gratitude that we were able to spend what little time we were able to, with them? Having known someone in that way is a blessing all in itself.

My heart goes out to this blogger. My hopes are that she find comfort in what she learned about herself through this man. Recognize that he was here to do what he was meant to do. And be comforted by the fact that for even one brief moment in time...afterall...that brief moment was better than no moments at all.

I love you...I really do...you can ask ANYONE! ~ Carm

PNN GIRLS!!!!! WHAT THE HECK!?!?!?!?!

**UPDATE 02/02/10** Okay, this is the LAST INSTALLMENT. The "Spoiling Carm Special Project" has finally come to an end. On January 15th I received the mst beautifully written card from WMH. And, I have no idea if it's my age catching up with me or not, because I tend to cry at the drop of a hat these days, but she wrote some very beautiful things for me and I will cherish that card for many, many years. So, my basket had a pretty little procelain candle holder in it with a VERY SWEET smelling candle in it, and there were a couple soaps in the basket as well. And the little glass basket was filled...and I mean FILLED with Rolo's and mini Snickers bars! As I'm digging through the filler paper that she put in the box for all the pieces of candy that had fallen out, I was unwrapping and shoving the Rolo's into my piehole at a rate that would have been embarassing had anyone actually been watching me...luckily, the kids were in the other room. WMH! HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE ROLO'S?!?!?!?! Thank you so much! What a way to end all this generosity!! I love you, Bethie...thanks so much.

**UPDATE 01/14/10** Sorry it took me so long to get these next two items posted, but it's my busy couple of weeks here at work, so please forgive me!!! This lovely picure is of an AWESOME candle that I got from Laurie, along with three really DELICOUS organic chocolate bars. I think the cherry was my FAVORITE!!!! Laurie - you will be thought of everytime I light that candle and bathe in it's delicious Rosemary & Mint fragrance. Thanks so much!!!

Along with Laurie's candles and chocolate gift, there was another package delivered on Monday as well!!! A Bath and Body Works gift card from Peabea! **Carm does the happy dance while she sits n her fancy work chair** I just LOVE walking into this store - for obvious reasons...if I thought I could make a decent living working in one of the Bath and Body works stores? I'D TOTALLY DO IT!!!! Nothing smells more girly that those stores!!! Peabs...LOVE IT! LOVE YOU! THE. END!

**Update 01/12/10** DIVA!!!!!! MMMmmm...YUMMY! The box was waiting for me when I got home last night!! My kids were REALLY excited to see what was inside! Our whole family is really getting into this!! LOL - my fear is that I'll get USED to getting gifts!! HA! So the sweetest metal tin of chocolates came in the mail from Diva today! You people really know how to make a girls day, LET ME TELL YOU! Chocolates have got to be one of the best gifts to receive. I'm sure many of you agree with me. So as we dove into this luscious box of chocolates and I bit into my first one...mmmm...I actually drooled a little on my shirt, so...HA! Diva, Ma...I love you. Thank you for sending YOUR favorite chocolates to me! I love them...and I love you!!!!

**UPDATE 01/11/10** URBAN SUBURBAN!!! WOWIE!!! :o) I received this book on SATURDAY! In case you can't see it too well, there's a chef on the front. The pages are blank. The first thing I thought of on how to use this would be for all the recipes I try to make off of the internet. I'm consistently printing off pages, or jotting down recipes that I enjoy and end up with pieces of paper all over my kitchen or in my drawers and cupboards. So this book was sent to me from Urban Suburban. WERE YOU IN MY HEAD OR WHAT?!?!?! Just the other day I was thinking that I should really get my recipe box in working order. But that's just toooooo typical. This is a VERY awesome tool, and I can't wait to fill it up with yummy recipe's and someday, perhaps, my kids will be able to use it. Thanks Urby! Awesome!!

**UPDATE 01/06/10 AGAIN!** OH BANANA WHAT DID YOU DO?!?!?!?!?!?! People...another package arrived! The Banana's gift arrived after lunch sometime. Inside? OREO DOUBLE STUF'S! And another thing? Not just ONE package...THREE OF THEM!!!!!!!! Holy shit...how am I gonna be able to eat them WITH HER if she makes me SICK of them before she even GETS HERE!!!!!! I opened that box and almost PEED! SERIOUSLY! This was gonna be our date night splurge, before she wasn't able to come see me this month. We were going to take pictures of ourselves with big messy oreo teeth and post the pictures, but now that she's not here, I'll just have to post a picture of JUST ME (waaaaaay boringer) with Oreo teeth. Which, you should know by now, I'm not ashamed to do! :o) You HAVE seen my halloween picture, right? Thank you Banana! Love you! (pictures posted tomorrow!)**UPDATE 01/06/10**

BAAAH!!! I'm getting pretty excited about going home for lunch these days! It's also saving me MONEY! So you guys are not only making my DAY, but you're helping my bank account! NICE BONUS!

I pull into the driveway and notice my BULGING mailbox! OH GOODY! White package from USPS! BAAAH! I'm so giddy that I drop BOTH sets of keys on the front steps! I bend over to pick them up and dropped all the damn mail too! LOL! Okay...at this point, I'm all, "Dude...pull it together and get inside!!" - I open up the package and the prettiest pink box was in there! JEN!!!!! Victoria's Secret? WOW!!! That's really REALLY awesome! My tooshie is too big for the undies, but if I wait for a good fragrance sale? I am gonna be able to buy a BOATLOAD of good smellin stuff! AND I LOVE THAT STUFF! I'm such a girly girl!!! Jen! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! Love you. (Sorry the pictures aren't lining up...I suppose I can put the newest one on top...that would make too much sense...doing that NOW! Also - I'm looking pretty whipped in that picture - lotsa work today!)

**UPDATE 01/05/10**

Alrighty...here we go. I've updated you all so far as things have arrived and I don't intend to stop! And I'll elaborate a little as I update as to the whole experience - this *is* a writer's blogspace, afterall. Look for the "**UPDATE**" sign on each of the gifts that I've mentioned below. :o)

So.....DRUMROLL............

JESS!!!!!! Have you been holding out on us? Are you a CHOCOLATE FAIRY???? Yes....everyone.....

GHIRADELLI's CHOCOLATE! My daughter called me when she got home to let me know she got home in one piece and also said, "Mommy? You got a BIG OL' HONKIN' box again!!!!!!!" I come home and run inside to see a rather large box...inside, a Box with about 8 or 9 types of Ghiradelli Chocolates! I busted that sucker open after I took the picture of me and the pretty wrapped box and woofed down a piece! And as I pulled each item out of the package, I felt my heart swell and my PMS cravings satisfied!

I'll tell you a funny story about this one! So I got to the box with the assorted chocolates. After being home for the New Year Weekend, it's just not New Year's without watching Forrest Gump at *least* once! So of course the whole line of "Momma always said...'Life is like a box of chocolates...you never know what you're gonna get.'" Love that line...and so true...except!!!! GHIRADELLI HAS THEIR SHIT TOGETHER, PEOPLE! Because not only is it awesome to get assorted choclates, but it's even AWESOMER when that box of chocolates has a ROAD MAP! You don't even have to worry about what's in the middle of these suckers because there's a PICTURE of it sliced down the middle with a description! LOVE THAT! So that line came to me as I was taking off the celophane and I continued with the map realization, then came the big unveiling....when you remove the map and the little cushiony wrapper that you lift and VWALLAH...mmmmmmmm.....they had shifted in the box a little, upending a few peices from the little area they were placed in and my first thought was Jess handing me the box and saying in her BEST Forrest Gump, "I...ate...some." From the classic scene of the movie where he finally gets to see Jenny after sitting on that park bench that was literally only about five of six blocks away, only after sitting there all day sharing the story of his life with total strangers. He walks into her apartment and is tired from RUNNING across town to see her and says, "Here's some chocolates...I, I (uh)...ate...some." So...I actually said it and we laughed so hard our sides split! Thank you Jess...Aunt Flo didn't make it for Christmas....OR New Years....so...this bout with PMS has lasted A-WHILE! This was a PERFECT gift, and I THANK YOU! Love you.

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**UPDATES** Marked as such below.

Okay folks! I'm floored. And I mean it...

First MoM sent me a dozen red roses. My heart swelled. **UPDATE** So I already wrote a BLOG about MoM with a picture of the roses, which I'll post here tomorrow I hope..but to recap...last Wednesday was THE WORST DAY I have had in a long time. Work was horrible, I sat in a meeting with the Step-Bastard, my Mother, and two co-workers (one of which I wrote about the other day being disappointed that she didn't get as much of a bonus as another co-worker) and I sat there...kept getting cut off by HIM and getting more and more irritated that I was getting cut off everytime I was anwering a question that I almost walked out of the meeting on three separate occasions. And finally on the fourth occasion? I just did it...after screaming at him that I can't even finish a sentence after being asked a direct question. So...yeah...not good. Then after they were done with their meeting he and I hammered out our issues and I went home. But girls? I WAS REALLY MAD. So mad that I was shaking and was losing my breath as I told him off! I was NOT a happy little ladybug. I go home - which I was about an hour late arriving because we had company over that night for dinner - NIIIIICE! And there was a box of flowers for me. From Mary Alice. And little did she know...she was making me feel better about my non-existent Christmas gifts...but she helped set me straight for the entire evening and turned my really, really shitty day...into a perfect one - with that little gesture. Thank you Mare. Love you.

Then Verbalicious sent me the most AMAZING "CHUTZPAH" mug known to man! I got really misty and my heart swelled again...(my computer at home doesn't allow me to post pictures...but I posted pictures on my Facebook page.) **UPDATE** This was a raise your eyebrow moment for me. The night before I had gotten a gift of flowers from MoM, and now? Another package? REALLY? What the heck! I open the box to find...what I think to be *TIED* with the awesomest mug known to MAN...tied only by our awesome PNN MUG (maybe a ~little~ awesomer...sorry Leigh)...and I was compeltely stumped and overwhelmed! I take a couple photo's with my cell phone and post them to Facebook thanking her PROFUSELY!

Now...Annie...GOD LOVE HER...sends me a gift card to Target! I just can't find the words. Thank you...just really isn't enough if you ask me. So again with the swelling heart! **UPDATE** I get home and there is a letter sized envelope with my name on it. oooookkkkkaaaaayyyy...WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!?!?!?!?! I think I'm onto you guys and start feeling a bit odd for being so petty about the whole Christmas Present thing...I mean this isn't why I wrote it. AW MAN!!!! At this point I'm feeling like the Grinch when he says in that part of the movie that his heart "...grew two sizes that day..." So I opened the letter and she had written that she wanted me to buy some undies with the gift card - or whatever I wanted - but that I could think of her....er, uh...BRAD PITT...when I wore them. So now...of course....it'll be Brad Pitt doing Annie - which was probably her sick and twisted way of getting me to get jealous...but I don't think I'll be jealous...I'll just be happy for her instead! HA! Love you Annie. Thank you so much.

But...I gotta put an end to the gift giving. Good HEAVEN'S PEOPLE! I mean...I suppose I was upset at the beginning...and many of you have commented on how guys are just clueless - at times. But seriously! I can't accept all of this stuff without feeling like a total and COMPLETE spongebob squarepants. Seriously!

So much generosity and love I feel from you ladies. Just amazing. I don't know how to ask you to stop without sounding like I'm ungrateful. Really, I don't. It's not that...not that at ALL! I'm more grateful than I have EVER been to have you all in my life.

So, thank you...but seriously...please...and don't take this the wrong way...but, find a foodbank or a women's shelter or something to send the money/gifts to...or...I don't know...an animal shelter or something.

I love you all so much and thank you for befriending me and making this the most wonderful Christmas I have ever had. Without all of you expressing your love through comments and gifts, I can't imagine what my life would be like.

Please don't take thiis the wrong way, either. I LOVE YOU ALL! Your generosity is not lost on me at ALL!

Love, with all my HEART! Carm

The Flower of LOVE

  So I get this text message from my HUSBAND and is says "A Box was Delivered for you today and it's on the porch!" I was all..."WHAAAA?"...

So I get home after a HUGE FIGHT with the step Bastard - which the SENDER of this WONDERFUL gift has/had no idea about...to the point that I think I got so pissed off at him in a meeting with 5 other people that I think I blacked out! Seriously! I mean I was so mad I could feel the heartbeat in my temple...and my throat...and my ears....it was CRAZY.

So I get home..........after staying late at work with company over for dinner, which I was late for...because SB and I had to settle the air.

I open the card on the box...and it's from MARY ALICE...yes! Our very own MoM! I opened the box and I see the most BEAUTIFUL RED ROSES EVER! Just awesome.

I called her IMMEDIATELY to tell her that I loved her and to thank her and that she had NO IDEA how much I needed that pick me up - even more after the big blow up - which she's reading about RIGHT HERE. She wanted to cheer me up because of the whole Christmas thing...and I just haven't got a large enough vocabulary to express to her what this meant to me.

So, MARY ALICE, I love you. You are an amazing WOMAN! I can't beleive that you sent me this wonderful gift! It really was awfully generous of you...and I was/am floored. And honored. And I love you.

Thank you.

Ungrateful co-workers and more

I'm sitting at my desk and working away, when a couple of my co-workers (please keep in mind that I'm the daughter of the owners here...) begin talking freely about the Christmas Bonuses we've gotten in years pst and the fact that one of them hasn't spent the gift cards from last year yet, while the other one tells him that he had better spend it or it might not be good anymore.

Then...the topic turns to this years bonus...co-worker who hasnt spent his gift cards yet says something like, "Well...thanks to the BOSSES, I have an extra $100 in my wallet this year!"...the other one says, "You got $100? I only got $50."...the gift card co-worker says, "Wow...maybe I shouldn't have said anything."...YA THINK?!?!?!?!?!?!?

So after Mr. Gift Card leaves she calls me on the intercom and says, "Well, that's a little frustrating...Did you get a bonus this year?"...I said, "Nope." (which was a lie...but I didn't want to discuss it AND I wanted her to feel guilty for even bringing it up...hopefully I don't end up in HELL...). This is the SAME PERSON who earlier this month, when we found out that we weren't going to do a Catered Christmas Party at the local Mexican Restaurant and replaced with a Pot-Luck (which is always my choice..it's so much more fun!!!)...considered my parents "cheap" and couldn't believe how STINGY they were.

I mean...SERIOUSLY!?!?!?! First of all...this person aggravates the HELL out of my parents. Her job performance is lacking AT BEST, and she is just an overall...backwards thinker...in fact...I have no friggin idea how she came up with the processes for her job...but I can get them done in half the time. HALF! ALSO - our business is struggling right now. It's been two years since one of our "trainers" left us and took half our clients with him. We've been holding steady, but at the same time...it's been really hard around here. Stress levels are high, our entire business is at risk, and instead of feeling THANKFUL for having a job, judgement is passed on HOW MUCH THE BONUS WAS.

I wanted to spit. I wanted to yell. But she has been told her days are numbered and if the BOSSES hear that she was whining about her "BONUS" then perhaps that will be the final nail in her coffin.

ON A SIDE NOTE - since I'm bitching a little today - and I feel strange even bringing it up...because I always thought that this wouldn't matter much to me at all. In fact...I have always said that it's not about receiving but the giving that truly makes me happy at Christmastime...

I didn't get a gift for Christmas. Not one. Not even an orange or apple in my stocking. It wasn't even ADDRESSED. Like...the kids were opening up gifts like crazy...hubby opened the gifts that I purchased from me and the kids...and...there I sat. There were no excuses, no apologies, no - "We'll go shopping for you tomorrow"...NOTHING! I think I was in shock about it for about 3 days...then today...it donned on me. IT FUCKING MATTERS TO ME! I busted my hump buying presents for the entire family and making it a GREAT Christmas at our house. All my husband had to do was buy me socks or underwear - which I deperately need - or fix my Wedding Ring, which has been broken for about a month now...

The sad thing is...at the time...I sorta noticed...but it didn't matter, because I was watching the kids and my hubby and I was completely content...sorta...thinking - SURELY there is something hiding in the basement. Then...it was...SURELY...we'll go pick it up on the Day after Christmas sales. Then it was...SURELY, I must be on candid-fucking-camera!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

D. None of the above.

So I get to work and everyone is flashing all their goodies they received and then they asked me...and I was all... "well...I uh...I didn't get anything." Everyone felt really bad that they were flashing all their gifts around the office, but I am/was sincerely happy for them. There is some cool stuff walking around here!!!

Okay...now it's out there. I feel better...but now my struggle is with wondering if I should address this with my hubby or not. I dunno...

I love you...sincerely.

To all who read this: I love you.

I know it seems like "just another tag line"...but when I started ending my blogs with it and subsequently my emails, I honestly meant it. I still do and I always will.

All of my PNN family means so much to me. We share some of our most humble, and vulnerable moments here at times, and I can honestly say to you all that I love you.

My Christmas wish is that you are truly happy on Christmas day and every day. I didn't want this season to pass, without letting anyone who reads this. know how I feel.

When a Banana drunk texts you...

A funny thing happened on the way home today...I started getting texts from our resident Banana.

It started at 4:37 pm today...PACIFIC TIME:

H: I'm drunk texting yooooooo!

Me: (failed text back, btw) LMAO! Do it again!

H: Actualkly, now I'm BUZZED texting yooooooooo!

Me: BAAAH! LMAO!

H:HEY! MY BUZZED TEXTS ARE AWESOME!

Me: I KNOW IT!

H:Eating Ethiopian food, and it made me think of you...Because you're so clearly Ethiopian.

Me: Yep Its pretty obvious! Keep drinkin then text some more. You made me lol

H: Dude. Nooooooooo. PEER PRESSURE FROM THE OTHER COAST!

Me: DO IT!!!!!!

H: BLARGH!!!!!!!

H: Dude. Wow. I got that text 3 times...You're really invested in me "doing it".

Me: You really ARE drunk texting! I only sent it once!!! Drink up!

H:Shutuuuuup! Ur MOM only sent it once! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Me: LMAO! I'm gonna pee!

H:Good! It''ll warm you up in that damn cold office!! Then they'll be all "WHY DID YOU PEE URSELF?!" and u can be like, "it is THAT cold muthfukkas!"

Me: Just peed.

H: WINNNNN!!!!!!!!!!

By this time it's like 5:35 and we had been doing this for about an hour. I had laughed so hard I had tears running down my face...I'm trying to tell my husband how this has been going on for about an hour when I got the following texts:

H: Ok, I can tell u this becuz ur ethernopian (she misspelled it...which made me laugh SO HARD), but Marylanders cant drive.

Me:I can say this because you have Jew curls...it's effin COLD!

H: Guy is here and he says "hi". He is sweet like apple pie...something something something "thigh".

Me: Hey dude. Guess what? Chicken Butt! That's about as good as I can do on short notice.

Me: Okay - here's a joke. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

H:Guess why?

H: Chicken thigh!

Me: Because he felt crumby!

H: LMAO!!!!!

So, as you can see...HANNAH+BOOZE=ONE FUNNY BANANA!!!!!

Go Elf Yourself!!

Hey Peeps!

Just wanted to send you a little Christmas Cheer on a Friday!

It's a Milk Dud Day

It's a Milk Duds Day for me...

What kind of "candy day" are you having??

I love you...I really do...you can ask ANYONE! ~ Love, Carm

This....is.....IT!

I saw it. We went to see it on Saturday night. Took the kids...and when I tell you that I was sobbing...not just crying...but SOBBING for the first 20 minutes of the film, I'm not exaggerating. That was the hardest Film I have EVER had to sit through. It was so personal for me.

I was an absolute FREAK for Michael Jackson in 5th and 6th grade. To the point where my best friend Jeanneth and I had cut out his images in every newspaper, magazine and book we could get our hands on and taped them to our desks. Not just stuck them to our desks...but our teachers would let us use their tape to tape over the entire picture because we didn't want any of his image to wear off, because OBVIOUSLY we were constantly rubbing the pictures and smooching our fingers and then putting that smooch directly to his face. So...yeah...I was struck hard by his death.

Now, before I get a bunch of people going off on tangents here and commenting as to his preference to have "sleep overs" let me say to you...please do that on your own blog. Not here. I made the mistake of posting on my Facebook status how this film touched me and my OWN FAMILY MEMBERS disregarded my feelings and decided to think I would jump onto their little Hate Bandwagon...nope...not me...I actually BELEIVE that if he did those things, then he's answering to the ULTIMATE JUDGE, right now...that is not for me to comment on. So think what you will...but this is my BLOG and I'd appreciate it if you'd repect that...just this once.

What I can tell you is this........The man was *MUSIC*. It trickled out of his pores, when he took a breath it filled his lungs and when he exhaled, it filled the air around all of those who surrounded him so that they could breathe it in. His body pulsates to it. His voice sings to it. His feet dance to it. I was utterly shocked and griefstricken to see him preparing for his concerts on the gigantic screen to the point that I almost had to leave about 15 minutes into the film. I almost couldn't catch my breath. I was a weeping mess.

It was just amazing to see him interact with is producers and to see him work with the staff and dancers and musicians...amazing.

He had a sense of humor that not many were privelleged to experience. When he wanted something changed he had this *way* about him that would stop the rehearsal...get the attention of the responsible party...and make them *better* than they even thought they could be. When he wanted the bassline to change his voice turned into a bass and he was able to verbalize exactly what he wanted that bass guitar to do...and the bassist DID IT. Same with the drums...his voice would turn into a drumset and whammo....you could see the AWE on the faces around him when he would do these things. Simply amazing.

There was a point where I had basically gone through all THREE of the napkins my husband got for me and I was exausted! It just seemed to me that it couldn't be true. All that work. Everyone working towards this amazing goal and in the end it was destined to be one of the most surreal, exciting concerts to have ever been created. There were things going on that were that of DREAMS. It was incredible.

When it was over....the entire audience sat still and read through all of the credits. No one talked. It was amazing. I was in a room of people who may not have cried as much as me...but they had the same respect that I did. And that is pretty awesome.

It's my hope that some of you saw this and can relate to what I'm trying to express here. If you didn't see it, I would hope that at some point this film will make it to video so that the masses can see it and keep it forever. It was spectacular. What a shame no one will ever get to see the production first-hand.

Kirstie Alley? Gimme a BREAK!

I predicted the lameness of Kirstie Alley about 5 months ago. After her FAIL FAIL FAIL of being on Oprah and pledging to lose all her chub, she came out about 4 months ago with some kind of weight loss program. I predicted that she would gain all her weight back so that she could promote how AWESOME her weight loss success would be when it came time to launch her product.

Now...in a *curious* turn of events, she is going to have her own reality show.

According to cnn.com:

"The reality series is scheduled to air in 2010 and will be produced by FremantleMedia, the hit-making minds behind "American Idol."

Over the 10 episodes, cameras will trail Alley as she juggles producing a feature film, sticking to a new weight-loss program and raising her two daughters True and Lillie, all while looking for love."

_________________________________________________________________

Now, I remember when she was ON the Oprah show in her BEFORE Bikini body, the REVEAL of the Binkini Body *NOT!* and the follow up when she gain much of the lost weight back. It was THEN that I had decided that she was a.) on drugs because she couldn't sit still and couldn't keep her hands out of her hair and 2.) It was all a set-up and Oprah - God bless her - had been "HAD"...because this was all a very calculated plan. SO - I have no intention of PURPOSEFULLY watching this stupid show and watching her over-zealous actions play out in a reality show - but, my "intentions" will probably dwindle and I'll force myself to watch the train-wreck.

What are your thoughts? I'm sure there are some clips on You Tube if you wanted to watch this freak in action on the Oprah show.

OH! And also? WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THE PANTYHOSE SHE WAS WEARING WHEN SHE REVEALED HER Not-So-Bikini-Body?!?!?!?!? You could see the seam going up her belly...and yes...IT WAS A BELLY...and she was waving around a sheer curtain in her asseous reigion trying to draw attention away from her thunder thighs.

Wow - I'm Kirstie bashing pretty hardcore, but still...it's rediculous.

What do you think? Am I just jealous? Naaaaahh...that's not it.

Halloween CARM

Hey Carm...Where have you been?????

Hey Folks! Long time no BLOGGIE. Well, I never stopped loving each and everyone of you...so you can just rest easy.

So, how's about a little quick "getting you up to speed" session? ALRIGHT! Here we go...

FIRST OF ALL: I got to see Keith Urban in concert...and let me tell you something...I was a bit of a fan, but not GAGA over the dude. And he was effing AWESOME! Whether you like country music or not...there was another layer of appreciation that I personally felt towards the man. He can play the STRINGS off of his guitar...and he does it WELL. There's something different about going to a concert where the person or people you are going to see are "musicians" vs. "Singers". Keith is a true musician. His concert was almost 3 hours long! He would play his guitar and roam around the stadium...it was AMAZING. We had great seats and he walked RIGHT TO THE END OF OUR ROW AND SANG RIGHT IN FRONT OF US AND I GOT A GREAT PICTURE, but PNN isn't cooperating with me right now so I can't post it. WHEW!

My Daughter got into a little trouble...and I never ever ever ever (just say EVER like 354, 875, 125 times and that's how many EVER's I'd like to type here) thought she would do anything like this because hubby and I are very involved with our kids and show them love and give them rules and they are excellent students, blah blah blah...just goes back to that whole rule that God gave us Free Will....and holy crap she excersized it to the 9th degree and without going into any detail at all, because it makes me feel like the worst parent ever...she is now our own personal Cinderella...and she's taking this role very VERY seriously...

The new car is AWESOME!!!!!!!! I had no idea how much I missed having a spedometer and gas guages. It's great!

My hubby got a Facebook account and I feel very liberated about that because he "pooh-poohed" it for so long...and now he's addicted! IN YOUR FACE HUBBY!

Yesterday was my BIRTHDAY and I had oodles of Facebook Birthday Wishes and it really made me happy to know so many wonderful people surround me and love me and are in my life.

Tomato crop was HORRIBLE this year. Lots of fruit...all of it had something or other wrong with it. SHIT! Never again in the pots...phooey.

My Blackberry crapped out on me. And then the dufus in the Verizon store made me stand there for 45 minutes so they could find one at the warehouse to MAIL ME and when I suggested that we upgrade my phone and I'll pay the difference...he was all, "OH NO, MA'AM! We cannot do that...you're not ready for an upgrade on your phone yet." and I was all..."Shit. So you're going to send me the same damn phone that'll have the same damn problem?" ...he was all, "Yep'm". Phooey again!

My office at work moved from Federal Way, WA to Tacoma, WA...which...YOU GUESSED IT...is the city where I live which reduces my commute to work from 45 minutes each morning to 6. No, that's not a typo...it's just SIX MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHIT YEAH!!!!

I was on Facebook yesterday and the famous Banana and I were  Facebook Chattin' and well...she was having a problem with making a stand for her Sukkah and she was going to use PVC pipe...and well...she couldn't find the pieces she needed and LUCKY FOR HER, I used to work in a Home Improvement Store called McLendon's and so, as it turns out, I'm a handy friend to have because I went to McLendon's and purchased all the pieces she needed and well...I FedExed them to her OVERNIGHT and she will have them tomorrow and well...I SAVED THE DAY! And it's gonna cost her like a shitload of money, but she doesn't care...even though once I saw how much it was all gonna cost her, I told her I'd split it with her...but she REFUSED. So...I love her and she's gonna me Sukkahing all over the damn place in NO TIME...I HOPE! And the picture is the set up I bought her...only its that times 8!!!!!

Moral of the story is...keith Urban Rocks...No amount of parental supervision is going to keep your kids out of trouble because God created us that way...My Scion xB ROCKS and I'm feelin' like a PIMP because I look AWESOME driving it...Hubby got a Facebook...I'm 38 now and not sure how I like that...Tomato crop SUCKED LLAMA BALLS...Blackberry crapped out, but I got a replacement much to my shagrin...the office moved that I work in and how I have a HEAVENLY COMMUTE...and the Banana and I are awesome because we have mastered the Sukkah. Whew!

That was a lot! Please remind me to NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER be away this much EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER again.

In case you don't remember...I love you...I really do...you can ask anyone! ~ Love, Carm

A Boy Named Sue - Lyrics

"A Boy Named Sue"

My daddy left home when I was three
And he didn't leave much to ma and me
Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze.
Now, I don't blame him cause he run and hid
But the meanest thing that he ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me "Sue."

Well, he must o' thought that is quite a joke
And it got a lot of laughs from a' lots of folk,
It seems I had to fight my whole life through.
Some gal would giggle and I'd get red
And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head,
I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named "Sue."

Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean,
My fist got hard and my wits got keen,
I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame.
But I made a vow to the moon and stars
That I'd search the honky-tonks and bars
And kill that man who gave me that awful name.

Well, it was Gatlinburg in mid-July
And I just hit town and my throat was dry,
I thought I'd stop and have myself a brew.
At an old saloon on a street of mud,
There at a table, dealing stud,
Sat the dirty, mangy dog that named me "Sue."

Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
From a worn-out picture that my mother'd had,
And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye.
He was big and bent and gray and old,
And I looked at him and my blood ran cold
And I said: "My name is 'Sue!' How do you do!
Now your gonna die!!"

Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes
And he went down, but to my surprise,
He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear.
But I busted a chair right across his teeth
And we crashed through the wall and into the street
Kicking and a' gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer.

I tell ya, I've fought tougher men
But I really can't remember when,
He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile.
I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss,
He went for his gun and I pulled mine first,
He stood there lookin' at me and I saw him smile.

And he said: "Son, this world is rough
And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough
And I knew I wouldn't be there to help ya along.
So I give ya that name and I said goodbye
I knew you'd have to get tough or die
And it's the name that helped to make you strong."

He said: "Now you just fought one hell of a fight
And I know you hate me, and you got the right
To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do.
But ya ought to thank me, before I die,
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you "Sue.'"

I got all choked up and I threw down my gun
And I called him my pa, and he called me his son,
And I came away with a different point of view.
And I think about him, now and then,
Every time I try and every time I win,
And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him
Bill or George! Anything but Sue! I still hate that name!

18 years? REALLY?

Hellooooo! It's me CARM! This is me and the husband on our Anniversary weekend. We went to Leavenworth, WA. You must google this place. it's absolutely DARLING. It's a little German Town tucked into the mountains in Washington State. Yep...that's where we live!

So if you wanna see some pictures, I'm gonna just add a few here and caption them, I suppose so you know what you're looking at.Here it is...Picturesque Leavenworth, WA. Oodles of little gift shops. And I mean OOOOOODLES!

And yet another angle.

This is all you're getting of the Bridal Suite @ The Enzian Inn. hehehehe...THIS is where the MAGIC happened! LOL I'll be honest, I felt a little bad about booking the Bridal Suite, especially when I saw people's cars in the parking lot with all the wedding graffitti all over them...but hell...we had a great time!

Okay. THE END! Thanks for putting up with my pictures! Love, Carm

My bundle of joy

It's true. I never thought it would happen. Apparently because of our horrible economy I have been given an opportunity of a lifetime and just purchased my very first NEW CAR!!!!!

It's a Scion xB. We love it! It's really sporty and fun and I'm really happy that I don't have to drive the death trap anymore. That thing was moments away from killing me, I JUST KNOW IT! The starter was making that HORRIBLE noise...ya know the one...when you turn the key and the car starts and then that GRINDING noise that scares the crap out of you? Yeah! THAT ONE! The brakes were REALLY squealing! REALLY...and the funny thing is...I've had cars that need brakes before and usually the sound happens GRADUALLY...not on the BEAST! That sucker just started doing it one day and was LOUD AS A MOFO! Then there's the squishy springy noice that the back end makes when you go over a speed bump or drive into a driveway...the shocks...they tried to kill me once...and I'll be DAMNED if I was going to let THAT happen again. And not having ANY GUAGES WHAT-SO-EVER for almost 2 years. I gotta give myself PROPS though...I never ONCE ran out of gas AND I never got a ticket. Even though I never knew how much gas I had and couldn't tell how fast I was going. LOL

So...we got $3500 for the BEAST and put it towards our new car and we have WAY AWESOME CREDIT, which was a really REALLY nice surprise. We knew it was good...just didn't realize HOW GOOD!

Now we have a car payment for the FIRST TIME EVER!

This is what I wrote ALL OVER the DEATH TRAP before we drive it to Seattle to turn it in for Clunkerdom.

And this...hehehe...

So we took advantage of the Clunker program. And I'll be honest with you. Because of all the other bills we have to pay...we would have never been able to come up with any kind of down payment. I beleive in my heart that I'm the type of person that our President had in mind when this whole thing got approved. At least I hope I was. I'd like to think that my clunker was honestly the exact thing he was thinking of and my financial situation is what he was hoping would be assisted with this whole program.

Anyway...I'm happy with my new car. I love it very much and it's MINE. Meaning, I'm the primary driver of it. So YAY! So that's what I've been doing lately. OH...and going to Leavenworth with my huzzy to celebrate our 18th Anniversary! Pics of that to follow.

LOVE YA!!!!!! Carm

The rest of the CAMPIN' Story...

So, the camping trip was SUPER FUN!

Thursday we arrive around 3:30pm...our friends were already there and set up. And did I mention 1/2 drunk already? Well they were and it was FREAKING HILARIOUS! It's spitting rain, we notice right away that it's IMPERATIVE to get the "shelter" that we have over the picnic table so that it gets dry...erm...stops getting WETTER...so we do that NUMERO UNO! Next? Unload the coolers and unpack all the alcohol that we brought and whip up some Daiquiri's. Yep...let's face it ladies...we have PRIORITIES HERE!

Next up? Tent set-up. We - the Huzzy and I, have our OWN tent. Very spacious...plenty o' room for both of us and the pooch if need be. The kids each have their own tent. We raised em up good! Independent little buggers, they are! So they handle their own set up we handle ours and in about a 1/2 hour the entire site looks like TENT CITY. We have campin chairs surrounding the campfire, drinks in hand and oodles of laughter.

Friday Morning. Still spitting rain. Not. Cute. At this point I have had several conversations with God...begging, pleading, threatening...but to no avail. The sky seems to get brighter...only to darken back up. The night before we realized we brought our Beach Umbrella. We decided to plant it in the ground. It's large enough to fit two campin' chairs underneath without getting a single drop of rain on the sheltered inhabitants...GEE, I wonder who sat under THAT?!?!?! Yep...me and my pal Karen. The Queens of Camp!

So Friday we decide we need to hit the little store in town because a.) the guages in the big purple van don't work and we had no idea how much gas we had left...we figured we were sucking fumes since we drove 5 hours from home to the campsite. In the mountains. And winding roads. Come to think of it...it's a freakin' miracle we even made it to the stupid campground on one tank of gas! b.) it was raining and we needed the heat in the car to warm and dry ourselves. c.) we had heard about a warm spring close by and we knew there was a ranger station on the way to the store so we wanted to stop in to get precise directions.

Gas had been gotten. We were warm and dry...and after we were so BOLD as to INTRUDE on the bitchy park rangers that were looking oh-so-blonde and svelt, we got the directions to the warm springs. We were warned: #1 - it's not as warm as the OTHER TWO springs in the area, but this was the only one that was free; #2 - don't be surprised if there are nekkid people there...this IS Oregon after all.  Great. My two impressionable kids were along for this adventure...I'm such a great mother.

We roll up on the trail head that takes us to the warm spring. We're walking...we're walking and we see some jeans and boots piled high on top of some very neatly stacked rocks. BINGO! We made it. We send the MENFOLK in to investigate. There's a red-headed dude in the water. I asked if he was nekkid. My huzzy said..."I dunno...the waters black."...I'm all..."Uh...can you be more specific?"...huzzy is all..."Well...the minerals in the water make it black!"...I was all..."Oh...I thought that perhaps the National Park Service couldn't distinguish between BUBBLIN' CRUDE and a Hot Spring."...huz was all..."Yeah...well...meh. So are you going in?"...I was all..."Ermmm...lemme get this straight...1 nekkid guy + black mineral water = NO WAY IN FUCKING HELL!"...then I said, "If you wanna go in with Michael, go right on ahead...but me? I'm gonna wait in the car. Let's go kids!"...he was all..."Welp! I'm not going in without YOU. Maybe we'll do it later." So we retreated to the van and chalked that one up to PAY FOR A FUCKING HOT SPRING AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT GOING TO A FREE ONE UNLESS YOU'RE HOMELESS! The. End.

Saturday...the damn SUN finally shows up! Thank you LORD! We decide to explore the campground. We pillage the grounds and come back to the campsite with loads of firewood that other campers left behind. SCORE! We also checked out other campsites for future visits. We found an even AWESOMER spot than the one we were camping in. SCORE AGAIN! We decided to head off to the local Waterfalls - which double as roadside attractions. Truly spectacular. One of which we were able to climb ABOVE and pose for a picture next to the river about 10 feet before it fell off the 400 foot cliff. REALLY AWESOME!

We get back to camp and again...more cocktails. More food....more laughing.

SUNDAY...it's the day our friends needed to pack up and leave us...we still had one more night. We busted out the Bocci Ball. If you have never played this game...IT. IS. FUN!!!!! Especially while camping, because there are ROCKS, and STICKS, and bumps all over the place that make the game just THAT MUCH more fun...and frustrating. my 8 year old kicked Michael's ass. We have a great picture of her throwing her ball and his hand is on his hip like, "You little SHIT! I can't believe you just BEAT ME!!!"

So that's pretty much it. In a nutshell. And if you were looking for updates on any of the social networking sites, well...cell phone range isn't that great in the BOONIES...so yes, I'm as disappointed as you were.

I love you...I really do...you can ask ANYONE! ~ Carm

An 8 minute BLOG about CAMPING

The site was GORGEOUS!!!! And I will even say that the mild hiking we did was enjoyable. The weather was a bit pissy in the beginning though...

So we get there and OF COURSE my stupid BlackBerry doesn't work - which I was planning on twitting all damn weekend with silly little comments the whole time...but NOOOOOOOO.

The best part? The Coleman Battery Powered Blender that our friends brought so that we could consume ILLEGAL amounts of alcohol in the form of STRAWBERRY DAQUERI's complete with WHIPPED CREAM on top. At one point I was drinking Raspberry Lemonade with orange Smirnoff and a SPLASH o' Malibu Rum...and was coerced into drinking a bottle of water "while we fix you another drink" which COMPLETE probably saved my ass from a HUGE puking fit, but also killed the dandy buzz I was feeling.

So we are peeing in a toilet that you don't flush...we are stinking to HIGH HEAVEN because there are no EFFING showers and also? Yeah...well...also the river was so freezing that I got a HEADACHE when I put my feet in - let alone sit in there and wash my junk in that freezing ass cold water!

Okay...more to follow...with more pictures...after lunch. TTFN  and also - I LOVE YOU!! ~ Carm

BLOCK PARTY #4 ~ SUCCESS!

National Night Out (NNO) partnered with Safe Streets allows neighborhood groups to register for a Block Party to be held the first Tuesday in August every year. This was my Block's 4th Annual Block Party!

This was the brainchild of our close friends and neighbors to put on an event so that we can meet eachother and create a sense of community amongst our little corner of the world. The first year we collected about $150 and we had a wonderful time! My husband and I essentially put the event together and it was GREAT!

Year #2 was a little better because we had learned a few things after the first one. It seems like you always learn how NOT to make the same mistakes you did the first time you plan an event so in PARTY PLANNER terms...and COMMUNITY ORGANIZER terms...serving as the "organizer" should be a two year run.

Well...year # 3 rolls around...we improve it once again, Hubby and I heading up the planning efforts and low-and-behold we hit burn out and I get the stink-eye all day because no one brought out their BBQ to help cook all the donated burgers and hot dogs. WHO BRINGS HOT DOGS AND HAMBURGERS TO A BLOCK PARTY AND DOESN'T BRING THE GRILL OUT TO HELP COOK IT?!?!?! Yeesh...so I ask hubby to go get the grill...STINK-EYE...I decide it would obviously be too much to ask him to COOK anything...so GRILL MASTER CARM @ your SERVICE. STINK-EYE! The neighbors across the street who just moved into the'hood noticed the tension...Carrie said, "What's up with him?" I said..."Uh...he's irritated because he wanted to have FUN this year and I asked him to grab the BBQ...all this raw meat donated, but no-one hooked us up with a Grill Master." Carrie said..."Hmmm..." I could see the gears turning in her head.

Grill Master Carm gets all the GRUB cooked up and everyone eats...FFWD to the tail end of the grub eating session and Carrie and her husband came up to my Hubby and I and said..."We'd like to do this next year. You guys have done such a great job for three years...lets give you a rest." I almost made out with HER husband and my hubby almost made out with HER! That was the BEST NEWS EVER!!!!

Year # 4!!!! Carrie and her hunny did such a great job this year! We mentored them all the way through. It seems like a huge undertaking...but it really isn't. Especially when you have a binder with contacts, etc that we can use from year to year. So...this years events:

Water Balloon Toss: Carrie and Hubby, Me and Hubby filled 500 water balloons on Monday night. We thought it was overkill.....turns out...IT WASN'T.  Carrie lined up all the Water Balloon Toss contestants in the middle of the street - they are to touch hands because that is the starting point. Carrie said, "Is everyone touching hands?" ... "YEEEESSSSSS! (mostly kids...but a few adults peppered in)"...OH - small detail left out...my Hubby and Carrie's Hubby passed out about 100 balloons to onlookers...the plan? NAIL THE UNSUSPECTING CONTESTANTS WITH WATER BALLOONS while they think they are lining up to play the game! So...in the middle of the street, hand to hand...the TOKEN GAY NEIGHBOR shouts.... "ONE!!!!!!.....TWWOOOO!!!!!"...Contestants say, "We don't have any balloons yet!"....Token Gay Neighbor says, "OH REALLY?!?!?! TTHHRRREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" and we unleash, what can only be described as a DELUGE of water balloons on these poor unsuspecting people! IT WAS HILARIOUS! Once the hilarity calmed down we were able to commence with the real water balloon toss. The two hubbies went to MY front porch and grabbed a HUGE garbage can full of balloons and passed them out to the contestants and they had a great time! Afterwards we had one more box of filled balloons stashed and we pounded everyone and we were all soaked!!

Hula Hoop Contest: We had a start line and a finish line and the person who won? One of the Mommies...she hula'd and made all the men on the block (including one of the Gaybors) all hot and bothered with her gyrating hips. So-much-so that all the men in the neighborhood went and shook her husbands hand out of pure LUST and ADMIRATION for him...it was a really "GUY THING" to do...and really REALLY FUNNY!

Jumpy Castle: uh...well....? Do I really need to explain that one?

Watermelon Eating Contest: kneeling on the ground...no hands...face first into a watermelon. We have some GREAT pictures of this contest...I can't wait to post one here once we get some copies shared.

Guitar Hero/RockBand on THE BIG SCREEN: we projected the games onto a big movie screen and played it until 10:30 pm!

So year # 4 was a success. Carrie and her hubby can't wait to head it up again and we already have our sights set on the next two "planners"!!! They have no idea...*evil laugh here*.

I can't wait for year #5!!!!

I love you...I really do...you can ask ANYONE!! ~Love, Carm

God? Are you there? It's me, Carm

Hello Lord...yes, it's me, Carm...I have a few things I'd like to ask/request of you...so listen up!

1. I apologize for going to the Jasmine Restaurant today for lunch. I know...you were trying to get my 'inner voice' to talk to me. But would I listen? Nooooo.

2. Along the same lines as #1...could you please Un-Invent I.B.S.? Yeah...you know what I'm talkin about. kthanksloveyou

3. Please give me the intestinal fortitude to view the Step-Bastard as an unloved scared little boy who feels he needs to lash out at everyone and everything around him and making people around him feel like pieces of dogshit. I need to kill him with kindness and it'll be hard for me to do that unless I get a little help from you. kstillloveyou

4. Give us a hand next week with the Block Party and please speak to the neighbors on my block who haven't contributed the $20 so that we can purchase all the stuff we need to make it a success and remind them that receiving it ON THE DAY OF THE BLOCK PARTY is just a WEE BIT TOO LATE...we kinda need it BEFOREHAND if at all possible. kthanksalmostdone

5. Please help me with my Pepsi addiction. I think I lasted 2 weeks about one month ago, but this is getting rediculous. thanksjustacouplemore

6. Please help my ear get UNCLOGGED from all the swimming I did yesterday. it looked so fun when the kids jumped into the pool off the diving board and I really thought it was a great idea to try diving from there as well...unfortunately, I didn't realize - until it was too late - that I haven't dived (?), Dove (?), Diveded (?)...anyhow I hit the water and realized I haven't done that since BEFORE I had BOOBS...and it hurt! And I went really deep and heard that squeek noise in my ears. So...yeah...my ears hurt a little as well as my boobs...so if you could fix that, that would be fantabulous.

7. Get yourself a little somethin, will ya? You're always answering prayers and performing miracles & what not...you deserve a little something nice for YOU. So...I don't want you to go all Bruce Almighty or Evan Almighty on me or anything...but you deserve a break. Maybe let your son Jesus run things for a couple days and go to Cabo or the Bahama's or something. Kick off your sandals and let your hair down a little. Put on that speedo and swim with your oceanic creatures or something. I give you PERMISSION. Don't mention it...it's the least I could do.

I think that wraps it up for me. Thanks for listening and if any of my friends here are in need of anything, would you mind hooking them up as well? You don't care if one of them is Jewish, do you? I didn't think so...seems like there's a special gate for them anyhow right? Yeah...so help her too, okay? And if you could do that before you head off to the tropics, that would be super.

Have a nice vacation. I love you...I really do...you can ask ANYONE! ~ Carm

When you begin to believe your own lies...

We have a buisness that coaches Automotive Repair Shop owners. It's a great business. Many times, these fellas who own shops are "recovering" technicians who worked for a boss who was abusive and decided to have a "suit-case drill" and take their shit and leave and start their own business. That's where we come in. These poor guys know how to fix CARS...not run a business! it very rewarding to know that we can completely turn around a business and make it thrive.

Badda-BOOM - Fast Forward to last week when we realize our Meeting Materials didn't make it to the hotel - RATHER - they MADE it, but the dumbass at the Hotel "refused the package" - which means the damn thing is being sent BACK to us via FedEx. This ALSO means that we have to REPRINT all the materials RESEND them. What a PAIN IN THE ASS!

I tell the Step-Bastard. Because he thinks that everyone we deal with is required to compensate us above and BEYOND, he wanted me to call the hotel to see "what they can do for us".

I said, "What would you like out of the deal?"

My internal dialogue said, "Here we go..."

He said, "I want to get some sleeping rooms comped at the very least!"

I said, "Do you have a dollar figure in mind?"

Internal dialogue, "This asshole isn't going to be happy with anything that I get, I don't even know why I'm trying!"

He said, "CARMEN! There doesn't NEED to be a dollar figure discussed! They need to compensate us for the TROUBLE we have gone through for the actions of their shitty employees!"

I said, "So let me get this straight. You're not going to give me a dollar figure and you want to be compensated for our expense and trouble?"

Internal dialogue, "Motherfucker! This is NOT GOING TO END on a a GOOD GODDAMNED NOTE! He's NOT going to give me a straight answer and leave me open to some bullshit abuse after I get what *I* think is fair compensation!"

He said, "Yes! I don't know if it'll be traded for room comps or what, but I'm NOT eating this expense!"

I said, "Yeah...I know we aren't going to 'eat' the expense, that's why I'm calling you RIGHT NOW so I can relay EXACTLY what you expect to get from them and you're not making this very easy!"

Internal, "You SHIT FOR BRAINS, would you just give me a straight answer?!?! I need to hear some $'s or this is going to end BADLY!!!!!"

He said, "I'm not here to make YOUR job easy...YOU are here to make MY job easy! Now, call the damn hotel and get it figured out!"

I said, "Bob? I don't think this is going to end well and I'll tell you right now, I'm scared that I'm not going to complete this the way you want because you're not giving me any details on what you expect for compensation."

Internal, "Aw shit...this will never end....what is his PROBLEM?!?! Why is it so difficult for him to engage in civil conversation and give me the details I need so that I can meet his expectations? WHAT THE FUCK IS HIS PROBLEM!?!?!?!"

He said, "Listen! Just make the call and get it squared away. You'll do fine."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Super...so I sit there racking my brain thinking to myself that I should at LEAST figure out how much money we're talking about so that I can tell if the "compensation" we are getting will be sufficient. I begin going through and accounting for photocopying expenses, materials, packaging, shipping, labor time and all of this x2 because we had to produce the materials TWICE. So...I get a dollar figure...and call the hotel.

I play my cards close to my chest, not letting on for the expense or giving the $ figure I just calculated and they are willing to work with me. They want to comp the 3 nights that our presenter would be staying there. I do the math. This is above and beyond what I need for compensation for the $ figure I came up with. This is going to be GREAT! I tell them GREAT. I will let my boss know and if I need anything further I'd call them back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I said, "I figured out the cost of what it took for us to create then RE-create the materials including cost and the labor it took to re-create everything. I came up with $4xx.xx - the hotel has comped us the sleeping rooms to offset the cost. The total for the comped rooms comes to $6xx.xx - so we came out ahead."

He said, "Where did you come up with those figures? Did you account for the 'HASSLE' of having to re-create the materials?"

Internal, "Hmmm...if you could have taken that STICK OUT OF YOUR ASS FOR FIVE SECONDS and helped me come UP with a figure that you agreed to, perhaps I could have gotten you what you wanted...but with no SPECIFICS, you sorta set me up to FAIL...DIDN'T YOU? DIDN'T YOU!!!!!! ANSWER ME MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I said, "That's exactly why I asked for more detail from you but you couldn't take the time to help me. Now...what were you looking for as far as compensation?"

He said, "I said I wanted the hotel to cut me a check for the materials and the shipping and comp at LEAST one night for our TROUBLE!"

I said, "Then if you 'said' which you DIDN'T that you wanted a CHECK, why didn't we talk about a DOLLAR FIGURE! Bob, you never said ANYTHING about having them cut us a check!"

Internal, "I am going to drive into the Jersey Barrier on the way home tonight so I don't have to deal with this dickwad anymore!"

He said, "YES I DID say I wanted a CHECK CUT! NOW...they think they are DONE with us and have satisfied our mishap when in fact I'm not satisfied at ALL!"

I said, "Welp...next time YOU will be handling this. You never said anything about a check and you refused to give me a $ amount for your compensation."

CLICK!

Why aren't I a nervous wreck you ask? Because I enjoy a bowl of "salad" at least ONCE a week to calm me down. It's sooooooooooooooo hard to live in a world with this man.

Get to know CARM...if you DARE!

Alrighty folks...here's the scoop. I just did this on my Facebook and if you haven't gotten me ADDED to your Friends List yet...well...that's your OWN FAULT! I've given you all AMPLE OPPORTUNITIES to do so!

Here's a little thing I just posted to my Facebook - it's called "The 3's About Me":

Three names I go by (besides given name)
1. Carm
2. Carmie
3. Nita-Maid...it's a derivative of Carmenita - which is a name my Uncle Tom uses. I love him I think.

Three Jobs I have had in my life
1. Taco Bell
2. About 5 different Financial Institutions - MAN - the sure get bought out a lot!
3. I saved the BEST for LAST! Ready? I worked at The B & I! Yep...you Tacoman's will know what I'm talking about! Only..I quit because they wouldn't let me attend my own high school graduation...and I was all...But I'm singing the National Anthem! And my Boss was all...We don't care! And I was all...BUT YOUR WIFE WORKS IN THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE...and he was all...Welp! I STILL DON'T CARE! So...there you have it. The. End. I ended it with a note. Taped to his office door.

Three Places I have lived
1. Tacoma, WA
2. Eugene, OR
3. Huntington Beach, CA

Three Favorite drinks
1. Pepsi
2. Pepsi
3. Strawberry Daqueri - anyone know if they have battery powered blenders? Send me a comment...I'm going camping and wanna get SMASHED on Daqueri's while we're out in the wilderness. kthanksloveyou

Three TV Shows that I watch
1. How I Met Your Mother
2. The Office
3. Entourage

Three places I have been
1. Yellowstone National Park
2. Disney Land
3. Lewis an Clark Caverns...yep...I'm a SPELUNKER. JEALOUS MUCH?!?! hehehe

People that call me regularly
1. Tammy
2. The husbandito
3. My Mommy

Three of my favorite foods
1. Mexican
2. Italian
3. Cake/Brownies...it's a toss up.

Three Things I am looking forward to
1. 4:30 pm
2. Camping next week
3. Payday

Three Things that are always by your side
1. don't laugh...but...my thighs...I know I know...
2. Blackberry
3. My Husband

Surviving a Heat Wave~

Okay...I hope that by the title you don't think I have any sage advice because I DON'T. In fact...I'm attempting survival right this moment. I have an 18" pedestal fan blowing about 12 inches from my face ON HIGH and by the time I'm done typing this I'll have a whole new hair do.

So it's 98 degrees here in LOVELY Tacoma, WA. Today, at the summit of our our majestic Mt. Rainier, the temperature will be above freezing, which scares me a little. We have an enormous Glacier up there and after my trip to Glacier National Park last summer in Montana, and seeing what remains of their Glaciers, I instantly thought about our beautiful mountain and how long we would have the Glacier that helps feed our lakes, rivers and streams for much of the state and beyond.

I'm currently sweating like a whore in church. We have a decent sized kiddie pool in the backyard right now and I'm not beyond putting on my suit AGAIN and going out there to sit in it until I feel better. But here I sit...because let's face it...I have FAILED as a PNN devotee lately. I feel that I must write, write, write so that I can make it up to whoever cares about this silly BLOG of mine.

So...my complexion can be defined as SHINY at the moment. (read the first sentence in the paragraph above...) Fat people have a tough time in this scorching heat. My thunder thighs are moist and therefore CHAFFING. My ankles are SWELLING...BUT I LOOK DAMN CUTE IN MY OUTFIT so....I have THAT going for me...and when I get out from the front of this fan I will have a new hair-do for the rest of the evening.

We have chosen to BBQ tonight. Pork Shoulder Blades. I sure hope this doesn't affect my Honorary Jew Status...but I'm willing to chance it. I shall be rubbing said "blades" with Chinese Five-Spice. And some salt. Since I'm so FUCKING HOT, I'm not gonna be at the Grill Helm. Mr. Carm will be taking care of those duties. I will probably cook some RICE as well. JASMINE RICE to be exact.

 The person I feel sorriest for is my pooch. Sierra is panting like a MOFO right now and I would take the hose to her but she is not the biggest fan of the hose...although yesterday she was fairly tolerant of it...but it was only 95 yesterday...today it 98. The poor thing. I think I might just douse her anyway.

The disney channel is BLARING behind me. Why my kids watch this shit is beyond me....if they come out with one more stupid show with the title of the main characters, I'm gonna puke. There's the Suite Life of Zach and Cody. That's so Raven. Cory in the HOUSE. Hannah Montana.The Jonas Brothers. I mean - it's what the whole channel REVOLVES around. Whatever happened to MICKEY MOUSE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??! Donald Duck? Who is that? Goofy? Quit calling me Goofy! It's getting outta hand people. I say...Let's get back to basics.

Alrighty...I can't take it any longer. I'm going to go prep the PORK and get my swimsuit on and jump into the rather large blow up pool we have in the backyard. White Trash you say? Yeah...well... screw off. I'm damn hot and just be glad my fat ass in doing this in the BACKYARD! You COULD live across the street and I COULD be doing this in the FRONT YARD! Yes...you just thank your LUCKY STARS and I'll see you later.

I LOVE GAY MEN!

That's right. You read the title correctly. I LOVE GAY MEN! Say what you will...feel what you will...but the Gay Populous in Tacoma, WA and I get along like peas and carrots!

The Gaybor's (Gay Neighbors) held their annual Summer Party...to which, we are invited...not just because it's the "neighborly thing to do", but because they actually regard my husband and I their friends and our daughters their honorary nieces. No kids are allowed @ this party, however. And...if you've ever spent much time at a Gay Man party, you know what I mean.

So the evening was filled with everyone admiring my Ta-Ta's...I wore a tank top just for the occasion. They love my boobs. It's the one thing they don't have. I beleive next year I will have a picture of "the girls" in the Summer Party reel they play on the big LCD screen TV. How exciting!

There's something about my neighbor Donavon that makes my heart sing. When he gets about 6 drinks in him, he starts to sing like Ethyl Merman and when he gets beligerent it is the MOST HILARIOUS THING! He (SHE) starts calling everyone out on the carpet, grabbing booties and "junk" and calling everyone "BITCH" and it is truly a sight to behold.

So when we arrive it takes about an hour to go around and hug and kiss all the people that you see twice a year...(they have an annual Christmas Party as well). We run to the basement, make a cocktail, go upstairs and fix a plate o' yumminess and then out to gossip and catch up with the people who have become our friends. Talking about jobs, and loves lost, and crazy vacations. These people are DRIPPING with money too. I cannot tell you how many times we have been invited to Palm Springs for vacation. They say, "Just give us a call and let us know you're going down and we'll get you the keys!" Just sooo open to share everything they have.

So...when it's time to go it takes like 1 1/2 hours to leave because people are WAAAAY drunker than they were when you arrived and spoke to them when you said Hello..and now they want to jump my husband and take his shirt off and they want me to flash the Ta-Ta's - which, for the record, I HAVE NEVER DONE! yeah..so get that picture right outta your head you sick twisted person...HANNAH! (lol) And by the time you're done it's Sunday night at MIDNIGHT when you tried to go home at 10:30 which seemed reasonable at the onset, but you quickly realize that you were WRONG!!!!

So I love GAY MEN! And if you do not currently have a Gay neighbor or two, I suggest you just go purchase a couple and move them in - because GIRLS!?!? IT ROCKS!!!!!!

I love you, I really do...you can ask ANYONE! ~ CARM

SEATTLE SHAKEDOWN!

Hey Gals,

BAAAAAHHHH!!!!!! TODAY IS IT! I'm really REALLY excited/nervous/feel like I'm gonna puke/trying to get ready/can't figure out what I'm going to wear/already have my Tiara in and actually washed the NEW CAR while wearing it!

So that's a LOT of ACTION. I think I need some Pepto...my tummy is getting all JITTERY! My hubby is coming! He got 3 wisdom teeth pulled yesterday and feels GREAT! NO SWELLING EITHER! Wow. I'm freaking out a little. I already told Jessica to put her Tiara ON! LOL

Girls? I am really excited to meet you all. You have no idea. If you like to protect your personal space...just know that it WILL BE INVADED tonight...at least once by ME! I'm a hugger. Let's HUG IT OUT! 1 hour and 54 minutes! BAAAAAAH!!!!!!

Cell Phone Fights

Have you ever witnessed someone arguing with someone on the other end of a cell phone call?

My co-worker just walked in after going down to the 1st floor in the Elevator for break. She came in giggling and I said,"What's up?"...

She said she just rode down in the elevator with a guy who was arguing with someone on his cell phone and the Conversation went something like this:

"I KNOW!!! I can TOTALLY sympathize with you...that's not what I'm SAYING! Hell! I even added you to Facebook! What more do you want."

The thing is this...we don't even need to know what the conversation was about. Just the simple fact that arguing over Facebook was even included in the conversation is HILARIOUS!

Me to my BFF Tammy: Whatcha doin?

Tammy to me: On Facebook...you TOTALLY need to get Farmtown...me and Anna need someone to build farms with!

Me: I'm not playing stinkin FARMTOWN!

Her: Yes

Me: NO! Not until you get a BLOG going on PNN.

Her: PHOOEY!

Me: DO IT NOW!

Her: FINE! I'm GUNNOOO! (gunnoo = going to...it's this little language that we have made up)

Me: Suh-weet!

So she made one up and now I'm practically OBLIGATED to sign up for this damned FARMTOWN application on my Facebook account. ARG! That's all I need.

So be honest. Have you fought/argued with your signifcant other or friends about your Facebook, MySpace, Twitter or some other such nonsense? Spill it...we wanna know.

I love you...I really do...you can ask ANYONE! ~ Carm

ODE to the STEP BASTARD

Hi, I'm Carm. I have a step-bastard. If you need some back story, at the end of this post I will give you some titles to re-familiarize yourself with this person in my life.

The other day, the topic gently turned to how this man treats me on occasion. I say that like it's a rare thing..it's actually a DAILY thing. But I digress..

So the cutest banana in the entire world decided that she was going to make a list of all the snarky comments I could make to him at any given moment and I said something like, "THAT IS SOO GOING IN MY BLOG"...and she said, "I WILL POST ALL SORTSA GOOD STUFF IN THERE FOR YOU." So...without further ado...I'll give you the chance to:

a.) give me some GREAT material to try out on him.

b.) give you a chance to rant about someone in YOUR LIFE that makes you miserable on a semi-daily basis;

and c.) get some belly laughs.

Alrighty...knock yourselves out. Have fun with this. I give everyone permission to copyright enfringe on anything that gets posted here.

Oh yeah...the back story BLOG posts that I've posted: I'll just post the titles since I'm a dork and have no idea how to link anything anywhere: Don't Poop on my Day, Therapy Day at Work, A Tale of Two Dad's.

Thanks for all the material in advance - come back as often as you can! I love you...I really do...you can ask ANYONE! ~ Carm

CSI: Miami? Give me a break

I just watched CSI: Miami for the first time tonight and I ask you...What is all the damn hype about?

From what I can tell....it's riddled with forced dialogue, bad acting and rediculous story lines. I have no idea how this show has remained on TV.

Does anyone out there have any answers? I'm puzzled.

PNN - UNITE! NOW!

Okay....I'm not gonna talk about this any more...as a community we are done dwelling on this. Its. Over. Period. Stop it right now.

Here's what I want everyone to do. I want EVERYONE....EVERYONE who cares about ME and cares what I say to write a positive piece today. There will be nothing NEGATIVE in this piece. COMPLETE POSITIVITY AND SILLINESS.

It's time to turn the page. Let's take back our PNN. It's enough.

I don't want anything negative on any of my BLOG posts for the rest of the day.

Thank you and remember...I love you...I really do...you can ask ANYONE! ~ Love, Carm

Blank Canvas

My mind is blank. I've been trying to write and my mind is completely...BLANK!

I've been thinking for a few days about this. It's something that is bothering me a bit and I don't know what to do about it.

I've been trying to listen to music to get inspired and the only song that seems to speak to me is "Jacob's Dream" by Allison Krauss. And if you've ever heard it...there's nothing that can compare to that writing...so here I sit. Fingers resting on the "home row" of my keyboard...as if they are waiting for lightening to strike within my grey matter. As if that "spark" is all that I'll need to wake me out of this stupor.

For those of you who have this unlimited amount of talent for the written word, I'd like you to know that I am in AWE of you. Everything flows from you in such an organic manner that it seems so phony that I am sitting here trying to force something to show up on my page that has any meat - or tofurkey if you're a vegitarian- or substance to it. I didn't join this site because I thought I had this massive talent that I just had to share with the world. I just really wanted a place to rant and share my silly moments. I feel that I've accomplished this and at the same time feel as though I have fallen short somehow. Meh...I dunno...just that stupid self doubt that creeps in from time to time. One thing is for certain, the following that I have grown to honestly love, is what is inspiring this little smoldering ember that is about to erupt in a full on bonfire.

Perhaps it's because I'm not really a "reader". I suppose that I can read...I just haven't spent any time doing it for the last 18 years. And so...this journey begins with the "Handle With Care" selection for the book club. I bought it last night and also purchased "The Secret Life of Bees" because I totally missed out on that one and wanted to buy it on two separate occasions before the discussion about it but failed both times.

I admit I'm a little excited about awakening the dormant intellect that has become laden with cobwebs since becomming a wife and mother. I know it's there...lurking in the shadows, it's time for me to open the creeky, spooky door that has kept it hidden for so long and expand my horizons.

I look forward to surprising myself with the detail and insight that I have let become withered and lifeless....yet has bore it's head and been replaced with humor and wit. I know that those are attributes that I possess. I can make people laugh. I should be comforted by that. But there's something there...a Blank Canvas...that is waiting for a masterpiece to emerge. With any luck, there will be more than one. Perhaps, I'll create a new section just for this journey.

Stay tuned, this may be a bumpy ride. I love you...I really do...you can ask anyone!!!! ~ Carm

How to waste away the day

It'll start with waking up without an alarm clock or noisy children trying to master the infamous Road Tour on Rockband for PS2. Using the drums no less....

You wake up...stare at the closed curtains, trying to determine if the diffused light that is framing your window is the sun shining brilliantly or the mere grayness of the Washington Sky reflecting off of the cloud cover above.

Pulling the covers around your shoulders and arranging your pillow a bit more fluffily, you try to settle in and perhaps grab the remote and click on the TV for a bit of news, or mindless banter from a movie on HBO, something you're not too interested in following, but the lull of the incessant talking seems to numb your mind a little bit, giving you that heavy eyelid feeling again. You click the volume down a couple notches and it seems as though you drift in and out of conciousness. Aaahhh...like drifting on a cloud, and before you know it, you're in that place...where you try to decide if you're sleeping or floating.

After about 45 minutes of dozing, you naturally wake up, this time you are certain that you'll get up. You throw the covers back and sit on the edge of the bed. With a big stretch you reach for the sky and with any luck you yawn in the middle and feel even more refreshed than you did when you naturally awoke from the doze you just awakened from.

As you menader down the stairs to greet the family that has been awake since dawn, you realize all the tidying up you did the night before gave you the luxury of sleeping in a little later than usual.

A long hot shower awaits. Followed by breakfast with maple syrup and bacon. One of those warm fuzzy meals.

The sun is shining and it feels like the carpet in the living room has been warming itself just so you could walk on the on it with your cold bare feet, as if it was waiting for you to arrive so that it could warm your toes.

Those books that have been waiting eagerly to be read are almost jumping from the shelves into your arms now..beckoning you to take a seat in the chairs that have been warming themselves on the porch just so that you could sit in them. It almost seems like all of this was planned somehow.

You sit down, the chairs as warm as the carpet was...you put on your sunglasses and take in the warm crispness of early afternoon and settle in for a nice read. Chapter by chapter goes by - not a care in the world, just you and the words floating through your mind. You're greeted by Sierra the wonder dog, who wants to curl up just below your legs that are resting comfortably on the wrought iron railing that twists and turns to give a sense of limitation to your porch.

Before you know it, the sun goes down and the warmness of the day goes with it. You move inside and to your pleasure the house stayed clean. While you were taking time to bask in your true self, the household managed to allow you this time without interruption.

How do you waste away your day? Do you spend it calm and quiet or do you party like a rockstar?

Don't POOP on my DAY!

I have a person in my life who constantly POOPS on my DAY! I can be in the BEST MOOD EVER and here he comes...and takes a big ole DUMP all over me.

What is it that brings out the worst in people and makes it so that they seek out the most bubbly person on the planet and decide to PICK PICK PICK until they feel as miserable as they do?

I can't tell you how many times I've given myself the old PEP TALK before I even leave the house in the morning...

Carm...you look MIGHTY cute today! Hair, Outfit, Makeup...you look FABULOUS!  You FEEL fabulous! It's gonna be a GREAT DAY!

Then...it happens...the B-word comes walking by...because LORD KNOWS that Ms. Bubbly Pants never has a bad day...until he goes and POOPS ALL OVER IT!

"GOOD MORNING!", I say to the B-word as he walks past my desk...silence...apparently, GODS GIFT TO THE PLANET isn't ready to have a conversation with me yet and chooses to ignore my salutation. Okay...I let it slide. I've gotten to be a pro at him pooping on my day and overcoming his crappy attitude...like water off a ducks back.

Well...he's got to make a return trip past my desk, right? He's gotta go back to his "cave" so I'll have another chance to throw some "sunshine" his direction and THIS time, I'll make sure I speak up...maybe he didn't hear me the first time, because there's no way he'd just outright ignore me...

Dum-dee-dum...here he comes..."GOOOOOD MORRRNIIING!" - cheezy grin - thinking to myself, "this is it...I'm gonna get a smile outta him now...there's no way anyone could resist that kind of greeting in the morning. Let alone, not smile from ear to ear at the person who gave the greeting...here it comes, he's gonna be nice I can FEEEEEL it!"...

...............................................................................

Wow...did he really just walk by and not acknowledge my existence? I'm his EFFIN step-daughter! Does he need to make sure he doesn't show "favortism" so bad that he can't even show me the courtesy of a Good Morning for Christ's sake?!?!

Huh, that's funny...about 30 steps past my desk, he made sure to say hello to one of the other employees and even stopped and asked how their weekend was. Amazing.

That's it..the pep talk has fizzled again. I can't help but think I have some sort of character flaw that makes this man treat me the way he does.

Someday, I'm gonna get the nerve to say, "QUIT POOPING ON MY DAY!!!"

I love you, I really do...you can ask anyone!

Carm

Therapy Day at Work

Now's your chance for a fast getaway, but if you have a Step-Bastard...this is your lucky day...Step-Bastard is my loving way of referring to my Step-Father. For those of you who hate that word, I'll use B-word everytime I mention him from this point forward.

I have a lot of pent up agression towards this GOD'S GIFT TO THE EARTH so I'll probably just let it all out in short scathing bursts rather than letting it all loose in one post. Besides...it'll make you wanna come back for more, right? Bleh...whatever.

I should be working, but instead I'm going to vent. Speaking of working...I am currently employed by the B-word. Yes, that's right, I'm a glutton for punishment.  I think I have guilt issues and it stems back from being the child of an alcoholic parent, I believe. My biological father is a raging alcoholic, wife abuser, girlfriend abuser, drunk driving, hazzard that I'm afraid will one day kill some innocent family while chauferring himself from one tavern or bar to another and it KILLS ME to know that the police force in whatever town he lives in right now continues to allow this person to drive.

Shall we start at the beginning?

So my Mom divorced my Bio-Dad not once but twice and he was drinking the whole time, knocking the crap outta her. Fun times, right?  Yeppers on the Peppers. The second time they divorced, I beleive I was just about 6 or 7. And that was the end of that.

Mom married the B-word when I was about 7-8. My childhood was peppered with visits to the Bio-Dad on the weekends, mostly until I was about 15. We (my younger brother and I) would go 2-3 years without seeing him at a time. One of the first times I remember my B-word crying was when my Bio-Dad showed up once to pick my brother and I up for the weekend and the B-word told him to leave because he showed up drunk. We were packed and everything. I remember several times, leaning up against the couch peering through the window sheers waiting to see if I could see headlights coming in my direction. More times than I can probably count using my fingers and toes. Sometimes he would show...sometimes he wouldn't.

I remember vividly one Christmas when the B-word and my Mom and my brother were in the family room watching TV and my Bio-Dad came by to give my brother and I gifts for Christmas morning and the B-word refused the gifts. I can't imagine the drinking binge that resulted. About 10 years later, we were cleaning out our garage and the B-word said, "Hey kids, your Dad wanted you to have these..."...and threw a plastic bag in our direction, in it were the wrapped presents he had left at the doorstep when the B-word sent him away.

And excuse me if I drop a few f-bombs here, but what the F*#$ is that all about?!? Why the hell would he save it and why the hell when we were about 16-17 years old would he think it would be funny to let us see on all the things that we didn't get because the B-word decided to be an a-hole that day. Little did I know...that was just the tip of the iceberg.

Another day of Therapy at work!

I love you, I really do...you can ask anyone!

Carm