Marriage DOOMED?!?!?!?!

OMG PEOPLE! I just looked down at my wedding ring/engagement ring and IT'S BROKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Am I doomed? Does anyone know any good Jewelers near Tacoma, WA? HANNAH???Any Jewish Jewelry store owners in the fam that can HOOK ME UP!?!?!?!

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Picking a Fight

Sitting at my desk at work, I came across something that only the Step-Bastard could answer...and me being the SUPER CARM that I am...and...if you're wondering? I actually have a CAPE that says "Super Carm" that was given to me last Christmas from my friend Tammy. Jealous much? Anyhoooo...

I approach the SB with my "question". And with the typical *pissy attitude*, I get that whole *heavy sigh* then he says something with the tone of - GAWD...you don't know the answer to that?...and my response has been - at least over the last two weeks - a blank look on my face and then I turn around and walk back to my office...I haven't been fighting back. Which could be reason to worry for TWO REASONS:

1.) When I don't fight back with you...I've written you off.

2.) When I don't fight with you...I've had it.

Either way, it's so unlike me. I pick my battles. And also, lately the SB has decided to ask me the following questions - on more than one occasion: "Do you have a problem with that?" and "What's with the attitude?". Doesn't that kinda seem like something a bully from Jr. High would do when they are trying to overcompensate for their shortcomings? The simple answer t the question is, "No, I don't have a problem with that, my problem lies with the way you SPEAK to me you Son of a Bitch! If you wanna fight let's just throw down and make that shit happen because I'm OVER IT!!!!!!!"

Look, dude. I'm thinking about surgically enhancing my appearance by getting a mirror installed over my face, that way when you talk to me? You can see what you look like when I ask you a question. I have a feeling the only question you'll be asking from that point forward is: "Why am I such an asshole?" My response will be, "Dunno...why don't you do some internal reflecting and write me up a procedure on how you are going to alter your attitude when you speak to me? That would be a great start."

What a sad, sad, pitiful, pathetic excuse for a human being. There was a time when I felt sorry for him...I actually felt empathy. I think I'm beyond that point now. And that sort of makes me sad. I've crossed over to the "I have no respect for you and everything you do is rediculous and you're a bully." I shouldn't have to feel like that. I enjoy being a nice person. But when it comes to him? He's sucked all the nice out of me.

Leslie and Francis? REALLY?!?!

Alright...so if you've ever heard the song by Johnny Cash called "A Boy Named Sue" you will know what this post is going to be about. I will post the lyrics in another post because it's going to take up my valuable CHARACTER LIMIT...so be on the look out for that...probably posted under this heading on my BLOG.

So I'm watching IFC (Independent Film Channel) last night in bed. The main charaters name in the movie I was watching was "Francis". And his mother was REALLY OLD. Sitting in her armchair/recliner.  And when she wailed his name it was like fingernails on a chalkboard. So...my question to you is...WHEN WAS IT EVER OKAY TO NAME A CHILD WITH SUCH A FEMININE NAME?!

Here's a list of girly man names I've heard over the years:

Leslie

Marion (Which just happens to be John Waynes REAL NAME!)

Francis

Noel

Ari

Kelly

Dana

Sidney

Feel Free to add some of your own! This could be kinda fun!

Now, some of these I can stomach. But LESLIE? MARION? FRANCIS? That is just unfathomable. Okay. OKAY! I HEAR YOU! "Some of them are FAMILY NAMES, Carm! Yeesh! Quit being a bitch!" Okay...that was all fine and dandy FIFTY OR SIXTY DAMN YEARS AGO! Fifty/Sixty years ago, we were a different people! Back then? Tradition was in the forefront.

Nowadays? We have this sarcastic nature that has sprung forth from the bowels of the America's underbelly and there's no changing things NOW! No sirreebob! We are in a spinning toilet bowl and the current is just too damn strong to swim out of it! We're going down the TUBES PEOPLE! And for the record? I could have totally ROCKED the 50's style. I was BORN to be a teenie bopper. Poodle Skirts and Saddle Shoes. I would have LOVED to live in that time. But alas, twas a dark stormy September day in 1971 when I was born and it was not meant to be.

Back to our story...

Of course I will say that I apologize if this offends anyone who reads this. And I would say that if your FATHER is named one of these names, I'm not talking about them. Really, I'm not. There's something ~debonairre~ about older men with those girly names. Take Francis Ford Copolla for instance. He's a badass! But if you've got a toddler crawling around the house or you have a bun in the oven? ...Uh...this is for you! :o)

Please, no hate mail. Think of this as a Public Service Announcement. And Now? Back to your regularly scheduled program.

Seattle Shakedown - Version TRES!

I haven't got any photos of the evening...but JL and MsSantos are so gorgeous - their pictures on their BLOG spaces...while FABU do not do either of them justice. They are BREATHTAKING beauties!

The hubs and I arrived at the Westin at 6 o'clock ON THE BUTTON...it's how we roll. I happened to have JL's cell # so we had been texting throughout the day talking about our BIG HAIR and Tiara's. So, again I texted her when we arrived. She said she was on her way down via text and so we waited. Surely someone would see my standing there with my SASSY pointy pumps, my tiara in place and my feather boa laced through one of the rings on my purse....

My phone vibrates. JL texts..."Are you sure you have your Tiara on?"...my response was a picture I took of myself in the lobby of the hotel with my sparkly Tiara in place on my head. That must've been all the proof she needed...here she comes. GORGEOUS!!! Blond hair...cute little thing that she is...we hugged and I introduced her to the Hubby and we headed for the Bar.

We sat down and bantered back and forth looking for pictures of any of the people we were waiting for via Facebook. So I found a couple of mssantos and we oogled her pictures for a little while then WHAMMO...the stone cold fox showed up outta nowhere! Yep...you guessed it! HUGS all around and intros to my hubby again.

Kids...we sat there for about a hour until we realized that THIS was going to be IT...so we decided to get a smidge of food before heading out to Chopstix. The Clam Chowder was UH-MAZE-ING! As were the Crab Legs!!!

Mssantos and her friend texted and decided that her pal would meet us at the hotel and from there we'd take off for Chopstix.

Hubby and I chauferred Mssantos and her girlie to Chopstix...unfortunately we parked in BFE and my FEET WERE KILLING ME...and we finally get there. The place was OFF THE CHAIN loud and festive and AWESOME. But this comes from a girl who doesn't get out much, so....hopefully I don't seem too lame for saying so.

After throwing caution to the wind and ditching my Pepsi for a shot called "PORN STAR" we took pictures and had just a GREAT NIGHT! I'd have to say that being with anyone else and meeting for the first time would have been awkward, but these ladies know all about my OCD's and my Step-Bastard and my Mentrual Cycle...so it's not like we were really strangers. We just laughed and had a great time! It was the perfect venue to go and even if there WAS any awkwardness, it would have been drowned out by the coolness of the atmosphere.

So, Thank You to JL and MsSantos for coming out. Thanks to Leigh for the drinks. The hubby and I had a great time hanging with you guys and I genuinely mean it when I say that I would LOVE to do it again.

I LOVE YOU GUYS! ~ Love, Carm

It's been awhile...

It's been awhile...I've missed you all. I have no excuse for being away...well...maybe I do. And let me try to sum it up in one word: SUMMER.

Yep...the Carm is awfully busy this time of year. What with the running around...the camping...the picnics...the family reunions...the birthdays...and weddings...and my anniversary. It gets to be a bit much, I tell ya!

So I've missed you.

I really could have used a little Sally G. dose several times while I was away. She gets me centered and opens my eyes.

Some of you I have been in contact through in Facebook...others via Twitter.

I miss my Banana...there's no way I'm going to account for everyone I've missed, but that girl...she can get me to cracking up like NO OTHER and I have missed her oodles and GOBS!

I see there are lots of big plans coming along nicely for the Seattle Shimmy...or whatever we're calling it. This is very exciting. I hope everyone will be able to make it.

I hope to post a few BLOG entries this weekend...but I have a wedding to attend on Saturday and just might have to help my brother move into a rental house...so it's another jam packed weekend for the Carm.

What I CAN tell you is...I get updates on my cell phone when you comment on my BLOG. So I DO get to see them, but PNN isn't compatible with Blackberries so I cannot comment back to you...but if you follow me on Twitter (Shoobop) sometimes I'll comment there.

That's about it....I've been sitting on my leg this whole time and my foot is completely numb. I can't feel my toes wiggling so before I get GANG GREEN down there I better get up and walk around a little.

I love you...I really do...you can ask ANYONE!

Love, CARM

WHO DRANK ALL THE DAMN VODKA?

So...we were prepping for our Vernal Equinox/Spring Solstice Party. Any calendar event works for us...we aren't picky...and let's face it, it had been awhile, so SPRING SOLSTICE it was!

The invites had gone out and we were about a week away when I decided to take inventory of the liquor cabinet and DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!!! Where did all the damn VODKA go? We hadn't had a party for quite awhile and last time we PARTIED LIKE ROCKSTARS, I had purchased every stinkin flavor of Smirnoff Vodka that the liquor store had and to my recollection not much had been consumed. I'm not much of a drinker because a.)my Bio-dad is a raging alcoholic, and; 2.) meh...I like more of a "natural" high....

So much to my dismay...the bottles were there...but alas, they were empty - or had very little in them. Which made me instantly irratated and suprised the hell out of me, quite frankly. I walked into the living room and with my best black girl attitude (I'm white...but my very best friend from 5th grade - who I still haven't blogged about btw - SWEARS that I was black in another life...) and confronted my loving husband about what is obviously a SITUATION! I mean to tell you my neck was rollin and my cheeks were smackin! Girls...let me just share with you a little bit about me...

Feel free to review a few of the OCD's that I listed on my Random Thoughts page...but Daddy Dearest is an alkie. I was 35 years old before I got drunk for the FIRST TIME and I did not allow alcohol into my home until I hit 30 - which means my micro-beer drinking hubby went without - he was fine with this and understood and that's not the issue. Okay...having said THAT...on with the rest of the tale...

So when I peered into the cabinet and saw that there was a drasticly reduced amount of alcohol on the shelves, I was compelled to find out how often the man I love drinks and why he's hiding this fact from me. I see him drink beer...but not alcohol. In fact...unless we have a party, I don't see him pour any of the "hard stuff".

So I'm like, "What the HELL?" and he's all, "I drank it!" and I'm all..."WTF?!?!" and he's all..."What?"...and I said..."Um...DUDE! There was oodles of vodka in there and it's all gone!" He said..."That was from like 4 months ago!" I said..."AND WHEN ARE YOU DRINKING THIS SHIT?!?! Cuz I'm not seeing you pour yourself a drink every night and by the amount that is GONE...I'd have to say that you've had two drinks a night ever since the last damn PARTY!" And he was all..."Well, I'm not hiding it!" And I was all..." YA SURE AS HELL ARE!!!!!!!!!!"...and then I said..."SHIT! I don't care if you drink, but that is a LOT of vodka gone! Keep yourself in CHECK DUDE! DAMN!".

So that's how that went down. We have a great relationship. He drinks beer. Lotsa beer from the Deschutes Brewery. LOL @ That! It just sounds funny if you read that last part out loud..."We have a great relationship. He drinks beer." NIIIIICE. What I mean to say is that I don't mind it, which is probably something I WOULD have minded if that is how our relationship started, but we've been married almost 18 years...so I suppose I've decided in my mind that the dude isn't gonna be going anywhere any time soon, so let him drink...and we joke a lot with eachother which is why I felt that I could approach him in the way that I did. I thought about taking the soft approach...sitting down to see if we had a problem here, but I think I got my point across nicely.

Whew! I feel much better. I've been wanting to rant about this for over a month! Thanks for reading!

I love you...I really do...you can ask anyone! ~ Carm

It's a Milk Dud Day

It's a Milk Duds Day for me...

What kind of "candy day" are you having??

I love you...I really do...you can ask ANYONE! ~ Love, Carm

This....is.....IT!

I saw it. We went to see it on Saturday night. Took the kids...and when I tell you that I was sobbing...not just crying...but SOBBING for the first 20 minutes of the film, I'm not exaggerating. That was the hardest Film I have EVER had to sit through. It was so personal for me.

I was an absolute FREAK for Michael Jackson in 5th and 6th grade. To the point where my best friend Jeanneth and I had cut out his images in every newspaper, magazine and book we could get our hands on and taped them to our desks. Not just stuck them to our desks...but our teachers would let us use their tape to tape over the entire picture because we didn't want any of his image to wear off, because OBVIOUSLY we were constantly rubbing the pictures and smooching our fingers and then putting that smooch directly to his face. So...yeah...I was struck hard by his death.

Now, before I get a bunch of people going off on tangents here and commenting as to his preference to have "sleep overs" let me say to you...please do that on your own blog. Not here. I made the mistake of posting on my Facebook status how this film touched me and my OWN FAMILY MEMBERS disregarded my feelings and decided to think I would jump onto their little Hate Bandwagon...nope...not me...I actually BELEIVE that if he did those things, then he's answering to the ULTIMATE JUDGE, right now...that is not for me to comment on. So think what you will...but this is my BLOG and I'd appreciate it if you'd repect that...just this once.

What I can tell you is this........The man was *MUSIC*. It trickled out of his pores, when he took a breath it filled his lungs and when he exhaled, it filled the air around all of those who surrounded him so that they could breathe it in. His body pulsates to it. His voice sings to it. His feet dance to it. I was utterly shocked and griefstricken to see him preparing for his concerts on the gigantic screen to the point that I almost had to leave about 15 minutes into the film. I almost couldn't catch my breath. I was a weeping mess.

It was just amazing to see him interact with is producers and to see him work with the staff and dancers and musicians...amazing.

He had a sense of humor that not many were privelleged to experience. When he wanted something changed he had this *way* about him that would stop the rehearsal...get the attention of the responsible party...and make them *better* than they even thought they could be. When he wanted the bassline to change his voice turned into a bass and he was able to verbalize exactly what he wanted that bass guitar to do...and the bassist DID IT. Same with the drums...his voice would turn into a drumset and whammo....you could see the AWE on the faces around him when he would do these things. Simply amazing.

There was a point where I had basically gone through all THREE of the napkins my husband got for me and I was exausted! It just seemed to me that it couldn't be true. All that work. Everyone working towards this amazing goal and in the end it was destined to be one of the most surreal, exciting concerts to have ever been created. There were things going on that were that of DREAMS. It was incredible.

When it was over....the entire audience sat still and read through all of the credits. No one talked. It was amazing. I was in a room of people who may not have cried as much as me...but they had the same respect that I did. And that is pretty awesome.

It's my hope that some of you saw this and can relate to what I'm trying to express here. If you didn't see it, I would hope that at some point this film will make it to video so that the masses can see it and keep it forever. It was spectacular. What a shame no one will ever get to see the production first-hand.

Kirstie Alley? Gimme a BREAK!

I predicted the lameness of Kirstie Alley about 5 months ago. After her FAIL FAIL FAIL of being on Oprah and pledging to lose all her chub, she came out about 4 months ago with some kind of weight loss program. I predicted that she would gain all her weight back so that she could promote how AWESOME her weight loss success would be when it came time to launch her product.

Now...in a *curious* turn of events, she is going to have her own reality show.

According to cnn.com:

"The reality series is scheduled to air in 2010 and will be produced by FremantleMedia, the hit-making minds behind "American Idol."

Over the 10 episodes, cameras will trail Alley as she juggles producing a feature film, sticking to a new weight-loss program and raising her two daughters True and Lillie, all while looking for love."

_________________________________________________________________

Now, I remember when she was ON the Oprah show in her BEFORE Bikini body, the REVEAL of the Binkini Body *NOT!* and the follow up when she gain much of the lost weight back. It was THEN that I had decided that she was a.) on drugs because she couldn't sit still and couldn't keep her hands out of her hair and 2.) It was all a set-up and Oprah - God bless her - had been "HAD"...because this was all a very calculated plan. SO - I have no intention of PURPOSEFULLY watching this stupid show and watching her over-zealous actions play out in a reality show - but, my "intentions" will probably dwindle and I'll force myself to watch the train-wreck.

What are your thoughts? I'm sure there are some clips on You Tube if you wanted to watch this freak in action on the Oprah show.

OH! And also? WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THE PANTYHOSE SHE WAS WEARING WHEN SHE REVEALED HER Not-So-Bikini-Body?!?!?!?!? You could see the seam going up her belly...and yes...IT WAS A BELLY...and she was waving around a sheer curtain in her asseous reigion trying to draw attention away from her thunder thighs.

Wow - I'm Kirstie bashing pretty hardcore, but still...it's rediculous.

What do you think? Am I just jealous? Naaaaahh...that's not it.

Halloween CARM

Hey Carm...Where have you been?????

Hey Folks! Long time no BLOGGIE. Well, I never stopped loving each and everyone of you...so you can just rest easy.

So, how's about a little quick "getting you up to speed" session? ALRIGHT! Here we go...

FIRST OF ALL: I got to see Keith Urban in concert...and let me tell you something...I was a bit of a fan, but not GAGA over the dude. And he was effing AWESOME! Whether you like country music or not...there was another layer of appreciation that I personally felt towards the man. He can play the STRINGS off of his guitar...and he does it WELL. There's something different about going to a concert where the person or people you are going to see are "musicians" vs. "Singers". Keith is a true musician. His concert was almost 3 hours long! He would play his guitar and roam around the stadium...it was AMAZING. We had great seats and he walked RIGHT TO THE END OF OUR ROW AND SANG RIGHT IN FRONT OF US AND I GOT A GREAT PICTURE, but PNN isn't cooperating with me right now so I can't post it. WHEW!

My Daughter got into a little trouble...and I never ever ever ever (just say EVER like 354, 875, 125 times and that's how many EVER's I'd like to type here) thought she would do anything like this because hubby and I are very involved with our kids and show them love and give them rules and they are excellent students, blah blah blah...just goes back to that whole rule that God gave us Free Will....and holy crap she excersized it to the 9th degree and without going into any detail at all, because it makes me feel like the worst parent ever...she is now our own personal Cinderella...and she's taking this role very VERY seriously...

The new car is AWESOME!!!!!!!! I had no idea how much I missed having a spedometer and gas guages. It's great!

My hubby got a Facebook account and I feel very liberated about that because he "pooh-poohed" it for so long...and now he's addicted! IN YOUR FACE HUBBY!

Yesterday was my BIRTHDAY and I had oodles of Facebook Birthday Wishes and it really made me happy to know so many wonderful people surround me and love me and are in my life.

Tomato crop was HORRIBLE this year. Lots of fruit...all of it had something or other wrong with it. SHIT! Never again in the pots...phooey.

My Blackberry crapped out on me. And then the dufus in the Verizon store made me stand there for 45 minutes so they could find one at the warehouse to MAIL ME and when I suggested that we upgrade my phone and I'll pay the difference...he was all, "OH NO, MA'AM! We cannot do that...you're not ready for an upgrade on your phone yet." and I was all..."Shit. So you're going to send me the same damn phone that'll have the same damn problem?" ...he was all, "Yep'm". Phooey again!

My office at work moved from Federal Way, WA to Tacoma, WA...which...YOU GUESSED IT...is the city where I live which reduces my commute to work from 45 minutes each morning to 6. No, that's not a typo...it's just SIX MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHIT YEAH!!!!

I was on Facebook yesterday and the famous Banana and I were  Facebook Chattin' and well...she was having a problem with making a stand for her Sukkah and she was going to use PVC pipe...and well...she couldn't find the pieces she needed and LUCKY FOR HER, I used to work in a Home Improvement Store called McLendon's and so, as it turns out, I'm a handy friend to have because I went to McLendon's and purchased all the pieces she needed and well...I FedExed them to her OVERNIGHT and she will have them tomorrow and well...I SAVED THE DAY! And it's gonna cost her like a shitload of money, but she doesn't care...even though once I saw how much it was all gonna cost her, I told her I'd split it with her...but she REFUSED. So...I love her and she's gonna me Sukkahing all over the damn place in NO TIME...I HOPE! And the picture is the set up I bought her...only its that times 8!!!!!

Moral of the story is...keith Urban Rocks...No amount of parental supervision is going to keep your kids out of trouble because God created us that way...My Scion xB ROCKS and I'm feelin' like a PIMP because I look AWESOME driving it...Hubby got a Facebook...I'm 38 now and not sure how I like that...Tomato crop SUCKED LLAMA BALLS...Blackberry crapped out, but I got a replacement much to my shagrin...the office moved that I work in and how I have a HEAVENLY COMMUTE...and the Banana and I are awesome because we have mastered the Sukkah. Whew!

That was a lot! Please remind me to NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER be away this much EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER again.

In case you don't remember...I love you...I really do...you can ask anyone! ~ Love, Carm

A Boy Named Sue - Lyrics

"A Boy Named Sue"

My daddy left home when I was three
And he didn't leave much to ma and me
Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze.
Now, I don't blame him cause he run and hid
But the meanest thing that he ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me "Sue."

Well, he must o' thought that is quite a joke
And it got a lot of laughs from a' lots of folk,
It seems I had to fight my whole life through.
Some gal would giggle and I'd get red
And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head,
I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named "Sue."

Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean,
My fist got hard and my wits got keen,
I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame.
But I made a vow to the moon and stars
That I'd search the honky-tonks and bars
And kill that man who gave me that awful name.

Well, it was Gatlinburg in mid-July
And I just hit town and my throat was dry,
I thought I'd stop and have myself a brew.
At an old saloon on a street of mud,
There at a table, dealing stud,
Sat the dirty, mangy dog that named me "Sue."

Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
From a worn-out picture that my mother'd had,
And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye.
He was big and bent and gray and old,
And I looked at him and my blood ran cold
And I said: "My name is 'Sue!' How do you do!
Now your gonna die!!"

Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes
And he went down, but to my surprise,
He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear.
But I busted a chair right across his teeth
And we crashed through the wall and into the street
Kicking and a' gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer.

I tell ya, I've fought tougher men
But I really can't remember when,
He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile.
I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss,
He went for his gun and I pulled mine first,
He stood there lookin' at me and I saw him smile.

And he said: "Son, this world is rough
And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough
And I knew I wouldn't be there to help ya along.
So I give ya that name and I said goodbye
I knew you'd have to get tough or die
And it's the name that helped to make you strong."

He said: "Now you just fought one hell of a fight
And I know you hate me, and you got the right
To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do.
But ya ought to thank me, before I die,
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you "Sue.'"

I got all choked up and I threw down my gun
And I called him my pa, and he called me his son,
And I came away with a different point of view.
And I think about him, now and then,
Every time I try and every time I win,
And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him
Bill or George! Anything but Sue! I still hate that name!

18 years? REALLY?

Hellooooo! It's me CARM! This is me and the husband on our Anniversary weekend. We went to Leavenworth, WA. You must google this place. it's absolutely DARLING. It's a little German Town tucked into the mountains in Washington State. Yep...that's where we live!

So if you wanna see some pictures, I'm gonna just add a few here and caption them, I suppose so you know what you're looking at.Here it is...Picturesque Leavenworth, WA. Oodles of little gift shops. And I mean OOOOOODLES!

And yet another angle.

This is all you're getting of the Bridal Suite @ The Enzian Inn. hehehehe...THIS is where the MAGIC happened! LOL I'll be honest, I felt a little bad about booking the Bridal Suite, especially when I saw people's cars in the parking lot with all the wedding graffitti all over them...but hell...we had a great time!

Okay. THE END! Thanks for putting up with my pictures! Love, Carm

My bundle of joy

It's true. I never thought it would happen. Apparently because of our horrible economy I have been given an opportunity of a lifetime and just purchased my very first NEW CAR!!!!!

It's a Scion xB. We love it! It's really sporty and fun and I'm really happy that I don't have to drive the death trap anymore. That thing was moments away from killing me, I JUST KNOW IT! The starter was making that HORRIBLE noise...ya know the one...when you turn the key and the car starts and then that GRINDING noise that scares the crap out of you? Yeah! THAT ONE! The brakes were REALLY squealing! REALLY...and the funny thing is...I've had cars that need brakes before and usually the sound happens GRADUALLY...not on the BEAST! That sucker just started doing it one day and was LOUD AS A MOFO! Then there's the squishy springy noice that the back end makes when you go over a speed bump or drive into a driveway...the shocks...they tried to kill me once...and I'll be DAMNED if I was going to let THAT happen again. And not having ANY GUAGES WHAT-SO-EVER for almost 2 years. I gotta give myself PROPS though...I never ONCE ran out of gas AND I never got a ticket. Even though I never knew how much gas I had and couldn't tell how fast I was going. LOL

So...we got $3500 for the BEAST and put it towards our new car and we have WAY AWESOME CREDIT, which was a really REALLY nice surprise. We knew it was good...just didn't realize HOW GOOD!

Now we have a car payment for the FIRST TIME EVER!

This is what I wrote ALL OVER the DEATH TRAP before we drive it to Seattle to turn it in for Clunkerdom.

And this...hehehe...

So we took advantage of the Clunker program. And I'll be honest with you. Because of all the other bills we have to pay...we would have never been able to come up with any kind of down payment. I beleive in my heart that I'm the type of person that our President had in mind when this whole thing got approved. At least I hope I was. I'd like to think that my clunker was honestly the exact thing he was thinking of and my financial situation is what he was hoping would be assisted with this whole program.

Anyway...I'm happy with my new car. I love it very much and it's MINE. Meaning, I'm the primary driver of it. So YAY! So that's what I've been doing lately. OH...and going to Leavenworth with my huzzy to celebrate our 18th Anniversary! Pics of that to follow.

LOVE YA!!!!!! Carm

The rest of the CAMPIN' Story...

So, the camping trip was SUPER FUN!

Thursday we arrive around 3:30pm...our friends were already there and set up. And did I mention 1/2 drunk already? Well they were and it was FREAKING HILARIOUS! It's spitting rain, we notice right away that it's IMPERATIVE to get the "shelter" that we have over the picnic table so that it gets dry...erm...stops getting WETTER...so we do that NUMERO UNO! Next? Unload the coolers and unpack all the alcohol that we brought and whip up some Daiquiri's. Yep...let's face it ladies...we have PRIORITIES HERE!

Next up? Tent set-up. We - the Huzzy and I, have our OWN tent. Very spacious...plenty o' room for both of us and the pooch if need be. The kids each have their own tent. We raised em up good! Independent little buggers, they are! So they handle their own set up we handle ours and in about a 1/2 hour the entire site looks like TENT CITY. We have campin chairs surrounding the campfire, drinks in hand and oodles of laughter.

Friday Morning. Still spitting rain. Not. Cute. At this point I have had several conversations with God...begging, pleading, threatening...but to no avail. The sky seems to get brighter...only to darken back up. The night before we realized we brought our Beach Umbrella. We decided to plant it in the ground. It's large enough to fit two campin' chairs underneath without getting a single drop of rain on the sheltered inhabitants...GEE, I wonder who sat under THAT?!?!?! Yep...me and my pal Karen. The Queens of Camp!

So Friday we decide we need to hit the little store in town because a.) the guages in the big purple van don't work and we had no idea how much gas we had left...we figured we were sucking fumes since we drove 5 hours from home to the campsite. In the mountains. And winding roads. Come to think of it...it's a freakin' miracle we even made it to the stupid campground on one tank of gas! b.) it was raining and we needed the heat in the car to warm and dry ourselves. c.) we had heard about a warm spring close by and we knew there was a ranger station on the way to the store so we wanted to stop in to get precise directions.

Gas had been gotten. We were warm and dry...and after we were so BOLD as to INTRUDE on the bitchy park rangers that were looking oh-so-blonde and svelt, we got the directions to the warm springs. We were warned: #1 - it's not as warm as the OTHER TWO springs in the area, but this was the only one that was free; #2 - don't be surprised if there are nekkid people there...this IS Oregon after all.  Great. My two impressionable kids were along for this adventure...I'm such a great mother.

We roll up on the trail head that takes us to the warm spring. We're walking...we're walking and we see some jeans and boots piled high on top of some very neatly stacked rocks. BINGO! We made it. We send the MENFOLK in to investigate. There's a red-headed dude in the water. I asked if he was nekkid. My huzzy said..."I dunno...the waters black."...I'm all..."Uh...can you be more specific?"...huzzy is all..."Well...the minerals in the water make it black!"...I was all..."Oh...I thought that perhaps the National Park Service couldn't distinguish between BUBBLIN' CRUDE and a Hot Spring."...huz was all..."Yeah...well...meh. So are you going in?"...I was all..."Ermmm...lemme get this straight...1 nekkid guy + black mineral water = NO WAY IN FUCKING HELL!"...then I said, "If you wanna go in with Michael, go right on ahead...but me? I'm gonna wait in the car. Let's go kids!"...he was all..."Welp! I'm not going in without YOU. Maybe we'll do it later." So we retreated to the van and chalked that one up to PAY FOR A FUCKING HOT SPRING AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT GOING TO A FREE ONE UNLESS YOU'RE HOMELESS! The. End.

Saturday...the damn SUN finally shows up! Thank you LORD! We decide to explore the campground. We pillage the grounds and come back to the campsite with loads of firewood that other campers left behind. SCORE! We also checked out other campsites for future visits. We found an even AWESOMER spot than the one we were camping in. SCORE AGAIN! We decided to head off to the local Waterfalls - which double as roadside attractions. Truly spectacular. One of which we were able to climb ABOVE and pose for a picture next to the river about 10 feet before it fell off the 400 foot cliff. REALLY AWESOME!

We get back to camp and again...more cocktails. More food....more laughing.

SUNDAY...it's the day our friends needed to pack up and leave us...we still had one more night. We busted out the Bocci Ball. If you have never played this game...IT. IS. FUN!!!!! Especially while camping, because there are ROCKS, and STICKS, and bumps all over the place that make the game just THAT MUCH more fun...and frustrating. my 8 year old kicked Michael's ass. We have a great picture of her throwing her ball and his hand is on his hip like, "You little SHIT! I can't believe you just BEAT ME!!!"

So that's pretty much it. In a nutshell. And if you were looking for updates on any of the social networking sites, well...cell phone range isn't that great in the BOONIES...so yes, I'm as disappointed as you were.

I love you...I really do...you can ask ANYONE! ~ Carm

An 8 minute BLOG about CAMPING

The site was GORGEOUS!!!! And I will even say that the mild hiking we did was enjoyable. The weather was a bit pissy in the beginning though...

So we get there and OF COURSE my stupid BlackBerry doesn't work - which I was planning on twitting all damn weekend with silly little comments the whole time...but NOOOOOOOO.

The best part? The Coleman Battery Powered Blender that our friends brought so that we could consume ILLEGAL amounts of alcohol in the form of STRAWBERRY DAQUERI's complete with WHIPPED CREAM on top. At one point I was drinking Raspberry Lemonade with orange Smirnoff and a SPLASH o' Malibu Rum...and was coerced into drinking a bottle of water "while we fix you another drink" which COMPLETE probably saved my ass from a HUGE puking fit, but also killed the dandy buzz I was feeling.

So we are peeing in a toilet that you don't flush...we are stinking to HIGH HEAVEN because there are no EFFING showers and also? Yeah...well...also the river was so freezing that I got a HEADACHE when I put my feet in - let alone sit in there and wash my junk in that freezing ass cold water!

Okay...more to follow...with more pictures...after lunch. TTFN  and also - I LOVE YOU!! ~ Carm

BLOCK PARTY #4 ~ SUCCESS!

National Night Out (NNO) partnered with Safe Streets allows neighborhood groups to register for a Block Party to be held the first Tuesday in August every year. This was my Block's 4th Annual Block Party!

This was the brainchild of our close friends and neighbors to put on an event so that we can meet eachother and create a sense of community amongst our little corner of the world. The first year we collected about $150 and we had a wonderful time! My husband and I essentially put the event together and it was GREAT!

Year #2 was a little better because we had learned a few things after the first one. It seems like you always learn how NOT to make the same mistakes you did the first time you plan an event so in PARTY PLANNER terms...and COMMUNITY ORGANIZER terms...serving as the "organizer" should be a two year run.

Well...year # 3 rolls around...we improve it once again, Hubby and I heading up the planning efforts and low-and-behold we hit burn out and I get the stink-eye all day because no one brought out their BBQ to help cook all the donated burgers and hot dogs. WHO BRINGS HOT DOGS AND HAMBURGERS TO A BLOCK PARTY AND DOESN'T BRING THE GRILL OUT TO HELP COOK IT?!?!?! Yeesh...so I ask hubby to go get the grill...STINK-EYE...I decide it would obviously be too much to ask him to COOK anything...so GRILL MASTER CARM @ your SERVICE. STINK-EYE! The neighbors across the street who just moved into the'hood noticed the tension...Carrie said, "What's up with him?" I said..."Uh...he's irritated because he wanted to have FUN this year and I asked him to grab the BBQ...all this raw meat donated, but no-one hooked us up with a Grill Master." Carrie said..."Hmmm..." I could see the gears turning in her head.

Grill Master Carm gets all the GRUB cooked up and everyone eats...FFWD to the tail end of the grub eating session and Carrie and her husband came up to my Hubby and I and said..."We'd like to do this next year. You guys have done such a great job for three years...lets give you a rest." I almost made out with HER husband and my hubby almost made out with HER! That was the BEST NEWS EVER!!!!

Year # 4!!!! Carrie and her hunny did such a great job this year! We mentored them all the way through. It seems like a huge undertaking...but it really isn't. Especially when you have a binder with contacts, etc that we can use from year to year. So...this years events:

Water Balloon Toss: Carrie and Hubby, Me and Hubby filled 500 water balloons on Monday night. We thought it was overkill.....turns out...IT WASN'T.  Carrie lined up all the Water Balloon Toss contestants in the middle of the street - they are to touch hands because that is the starting point. Carrie said, "Is everyone touching hands?" ... "YEEEESSSSSS! (mostly kids...but a few adults peppered in)"...OH - small detail left out...my Hubby and Carrie's Hubby passed out about 100 balloons to onlookers...the plan? NAIL THE UNSUSPECTING CONTESTANTS WITH WATER BALLOONS while they think they are lining up to play the game! So...in the middle of the street, hand to hand...the TOKEN GAY NEIGHBOR shouts.... "ONE!!!!!!.....TWWOOOO!!!!!"...Contestants say, "We don't have any balloons yet!"....Token Gay Neighbor says, "OH REALLY?!?!?! TTHHRRREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" and we unleash, what can only be described as a DELUGE of water balloons on these poor unsuspecting people! IT WAS HILARIOUS! Once the hilarity calmed down we were able to commence with the real water balloon toss. The two hubbies went to MY front porch and grabbed a HUGE garbage can full of balloons and passed them out to the contestants and they had a great time! Afterwards we had one more box of filled balloons stashed and we pounded everyone and we were all soaked!!

Hula Hoop Contest: We had a start line and a finish line and the person who won? One of the Mommies...she hula'd and made all the men on the block (including one of the Gaybors) all hot and bothered with her gyrating hips. So-much-so that all the men in the neighborhood went and shook her husbands hand out of pure LUST and ADMIRATION for him...it was a really "GUY THING" to do...and really REALLY FUNNY!

Jumpy Castle: uh...well....? Do I really need to explain that one?

Watermelon Eating Contest: kneeling on the ground...no hands...face first into a watermelon. We have some GREAT pictures of this contest...I can't wait to post one here once we get some copies shared.

Guitar Hero/RockBand on THE BIG SCREEN: we projected the games onto a big movie screen and played it until 10:30 pm!

So year # 4 was a success. Carrie and her hubby can't wait to head it up again and we already have our sights set on the next two "planners"!!! They have no idea...*evil laugh here*.

I can't wait for year #5!!!!

I love you...I really do...you can ask ANYONE!! ~Love, Carm

God? Are you there? It's me, Carm

Hello Lord...yes, it's me, Carm...I have a few things I'd like to ask/request of you...so listen up!

1. I apologize for going to the Jasmine Restaurant today for lunch. I know...you were trying to get my 'inner voice' to talk to me. But would I listen? Nooooo.

2. Along the same lines as #1...could you please Un-Invent I.B.S.? Yeah...you know what I'm talkin about. kthanksloveyou

3. Please give me the intestinal fortitude to view the Step-Bastard as an unloved scared little boy who feels he needs to lash out at everyone and everything around him and making people around him feel like pieces of dogshit. I need to kill him with kindness and it'll be hard for me to do that unless I get a little help from you. kstillloveyou

4. Give us a hand next week with the Block Party and please speak to the neighbors on my block who haven't contributed the $20 so that we can purchase all the stuff we need to make it a success and remind them that receiving it ON THE DAY OF THE BLOCK PARTY is just a WEE BIT TOO LATE...we kinda need it BEFOREHAND if at all possible. kthanksalmostdone

5. Please help me with my Pepsi addiction. I think I lasted 2 weeks about one month ago, but this is getting rediculous. thanksjustacouplemore

6. Please help my ear get UNCLOGGED from all the swimming I did yesterday. it looked so fun when the kids jumped into the pool off the diving board and I really thought it was a great idea to try diving from there as well...unfortunately, I didn't realize - until it was too late - that I haven't dived (?), Dove (?), Diveded (?)...anyhow I hit the water and realized I haven't done that since BEFORE I had BOOBS...and it hurt! And I went really deep and heard that squeek noise in my ears. So...yeah...my ears hurt a little as well as my boobs...so if you could fix that, that would be fantabulous.

7. Get yourself a little somethin, will ya? You're always answering prayers and performing miracles & what not...you deserve a little something nice for YOU. So...I don't want you to go all Bruce Almighty or Evan Almighty on me or anything...but you deserve a break. Maybe let your son Jesus run things for a couple days and go to Cabo or the Bahama's or something. Kick off your sandals and let your hair down a little. Put on that speedo and swim with your oceanic creatures or something. I give you PERMISSION. Don't mention it...it's the least I could do.

I think that wraps it up for me. Thanks for listening and if any of my friends here are in need of anything, would you mind hooking them up as well? You don't care if one of them is Jewish, do you? I didn't think so...seems like there's a special gate for them anyhow right? Yeah...so help her too, okay? And if you could do that before you head off to the tropics, that would be super.

Have a nice vacation. I love you...I really do...you can ask ANYONE! ~ Carm

When you begin to believe your own lies...

We have a buisness that coaches Automotive Repair Shop owners. It's a great business. Many times, these fellas who own shops are "recovering" technicians who worked for a boss who was abusive and decided to have a "suit-case drill" and take their shit and leave and start their own business. That's where we come in. These poor guys know how to fix CARS...not run a business! it very rewarding to know that we can completely turn around a business and make it thrive.

Badda-BOOM - Fast Forward to last week when we realize our Meeting Materials didn't make it to the hotel - RATHER - they MADE it, but the dumbass at the Hotel "refused the package" - which means the damn thing is being sent BACK to us via FedEx. This ALSO means that we have to REPRINT all the materials RESEND them. What a PAIN IN THE ASS!

I tell the Step-Bastard. Because he thinks that everyone we deal with is required to compensate us above and BEYOND, he wanted me to call the hotel to see "what they can do for us".

I said, "What would you like out of the deal?"

My internal dialogue said, "Here we go..."

He said, "I want to get some sleeping rooms comped at the very least!"

I said, "Do you have a dollar figure in mind?"

Internal dialogue, "This asshole isn't going to be happy with anything that I get, I don't even know why I'm trying!"

He said, "CARMEN! There doesn't NEED to be a dollar figure discussed! They need to compensate us for the TROUBLE we have gone through for the actions of their shitty employees!"

I said, "So let me get this straight. You're not going to give me a dollar figure and you want to be compensated for our expense and trouble?"

Internal dialogue, "Motherfucker! This is NOT GOING TO END on a a GOOD GODDAMNED NOTE! He's NOT going to give me a straight answer and leave me open to some bullshit abuse after I get what *I* think is fair compensation!"

He said, "Yes! I don't know if it'll be traded for room comps or what, but I'm NOT eating this expense!"

I said, "Yeah...I know we aren't going to 'eat' the expense, that's why I'm calling you RIGHT NOW so I can relay EXACTLY what you expect to get from them and you're not making this very easy!"

Internal, "You SHIT FOR BRAINS, would you just give me a straight answer?!?! I need to hear some $'s or this is going to end BADLY!!!!!"

He said, "I'm not here to make YOUR job easy...YOU are here to make MY job easy! Now, call the damn hotel and get it figured out!"

I said, "Bob? I don't think this is going to end well and I'll tell you right now, I'm scared that I'm not going to complete this the way you want because you're not giving me any details on what you expect for compensation."

Internal, "Aw shit...this will never end....what is his PROBLEM?!?! Why is it so difficult for him to engage in civil conversation and give me the details I need so that I can meet his expectations? WHAT THE FUCK IS HIS PROBLEM!?!?!?!"

He said, "Listen! Just make the call and get it squared away. You'll do fine."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Super...so I sit there racking my brain thinking to myself that I should at LEAST figure out how much money we're talking about so that I can tell if the "compensation" we are getting will be sufficient. I begin going through and accounting for photocopying expenses, materials, packaging, shipping, labor time and all of this x2 because we had to produce the materials TWICE. So...I get a dollar figure...and call the hotel.

I play my cards close to my chest, not letting on for the expense or giving the $ figure I just calculated and they are willing to work with me. They want to comp the 3 nights that our presenter would be staying there. I do the math. This is above and beyond what I need for compensation for the $ figure I came up with. This is going to be GREAT! I tell them GREAT. I will let my boss know and if I need anything further I'd call them back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I said, "I figured out the cost of what it took for us to create then RE-create the materials including cost and the labor it took to re-create everything. I came up with $4xx.xx - the hotel has comped us the sleeping rooms to offset the cost. The total for the comped rooms comes to $6xx.xx - so we came out ahead."

He said, "Where did you come up with those figures? Did you account for the 'HASSLE' of having to re-create the materials?"

Internal, "Hmmm...if you could have taken that STICK OUT OF YOUR ASS FOR FIVE SECONDS and helped me come UP with a figure that you agreed to, perhaps I could have gotten you what you wanted...but with no SPECIFICS, you sorta set me up to FAIL...DIDN'T YOU? DIDN'T YOU!!!!!! ANSWER ME MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I said, "That's exactly why I asked for more detail from you but you couldn't take the time to help me. Now...what were you looking for as far as compensation?"

He said, "I said I wanted the hotel to cut me a check for the materials and the shipping and comp at LEAST one night for our TROUBLE!"

I said, "Then if you 'said' which you DIDN'T that you wanted a CHECK, why didn't we talk about a DOLLAR FIGURE! Bob, you never said ANYTHING about having them cut us a check!"

Internal, "I am going to drive into the Jersey Barrier on the way home tonight so I don't have to deal with this dickwad anymore!"

He said, "YES I DID say I wanted a CHECK CUT! NOW...they think they are DONE with us and have satisfied our mishap when in fact I'm not satisfied at ALL!"

I said, "Welp...next time YOU will be handling this. You never said anything about a check and you refused to give me a $ amount for your compensation."

CLICK!

Why aren't I a nervous wreck you ask? Because I enjoy a bowl of "salad" at least ONCE a week to calm me down. It's sooooooooooooooo hard to live in a world with this man.

Get to know CARM...if you DARE!

Alrighty folks...here's the scoop. I just did this on my Facebook and if you haven't gotten me ADDED to your Friends List yet...well...that's your OWN FAULT! I've given you all AMPLE OPPORTUNITIES to do so!

Here's a little thing I just posted to my Facebook - it's called "The 3's About Me":

Three names I go by (besides given name)
1. Carm
2. Carmie
3. Nita-Maid...it's a derivative of Carmenita - which is a name my Uncle Tom uses. I love him I think.

Three Jobs I have had in my life
1. Taco Bell
2. About 5 different Financial Institutions - MAN - the sure get bought out a lot!
3. I saved the BEST for LAST! Ready? I worked at The B & I! Yep...you Tacoman's will know what I'm talking about! Only..I quit because they wouldn't let me attend my own high school graduation...and I was all...But I'm singing the National Anthem! And my Boss was all...We don't care! And I was all...BUT YOUR WIFE WORKS IN THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE...and he was all...Welp! I STILL DON'T CARE! So...there you have it. The. End. I ended it with a note. Taped to his office door.

Three Places I have lived
1. Tacoma, WA
2. Eugene, OR
3. Huntington Beach, CA

Three Favorite drinks
1. Pepsi
2. Pepsi
3. Strawberry Daqueri - anyone know if they have battery powered blenders? Send me a comment...I'm going camping and wanna get SMASHED on Daqueri's while we're out in the wilderness. kthanksloveyou

Three TV Shows that I watch
1. How I Met Your Mother
2. The Office
3. Entourage

Three places I have been
1. Yellowstone National Park
2. Disney Land
3. Lewis an Clark Caverns...yep...I'm a SPELUNKER. JEALOUS MUCH?!?! hehehe

People that call me regularly
1. Tammy
2. The husbandito
3. My Mommy

Three of my favorite foods
1. Mexican
2. Italian
3. Cake/Brownies...it's a toss up.

Three Things I am looking forward to
1. 4:30 pm
2. Camping next week
3. Payday

Three Things that are always by your side
1. don't laugh...but...my thighs...I know I know...
2. Blackberry
3. My Husband

Surviving a Heat Wave~

Okay...I hope that by the title you don't think I have any sage advice because I DON'T. In fact...I'm attempting survival right this moment. I have an 18" pedestal fan blowing about 12 inches from my face ON HIGH and by the time I'm done typing this I'll have a whole new hair do.

So it's 98 degrees here in LOVELY Tacoma, WA. Today, at the summit of our our majestic Mt. Rainier, the temperature will be above freezing, which scares me a little. We have an enormous Glacier up there and after my trip to Glacier National Park last summer in Montana, and seeing what remains of their Glaciers, I instantly thought about our beautiful mountain and how long we would have the Glacier that helps feed our lakes, rivers and streams for much of the state and beyond.

I'm currently sweating like a whore in church. We have a decent sized kiddie pool in the backyard right now and I'm not beyond putting on my suit AGAIN and going out there to sit in it until I feel better. But here I sit...because let's face it...I have FAILED as a PNN devotee lately. I feel that I must write, write, write so that I can make it up to whoever cares about this silly BLOG of mine.

So...my complexion can be defined as SHINY at the moment. (read the first sentence in the paragraph above...) Fat people have a tough time in this scorching heat. My thunder thighs are moist and therefore CHAFFING. My ankles are SWELLING...BUT I LOOK DAMN CUTE IN MY OUTFIT so....I have THAT going for me...and when I get out from the front of this fan I will have a new hair-do for the rest of the evening.

We have chosen to BBQ tonight. Pork Shoulder Blades. I sure hope this doesn't affect my Honorary Jew Status...but I'm willing to chance it. I shall be rubbing said "blades" with Chinese Five-Spice. And some salt. Since I'm so FUCKING HOT, I'm not gonna be at the Grill Helm. Mr. Carm will be taking care of those duties. I will probably cook some RICE as well. JASMINE RICE to be exact.

 The person I feel sorriest for is my pooch. Sierra is panting like a MOFO right now and I would take the hose to her but she is not the biggest fan of the hose...although yesterday she was fairly tolerant of it...but it was only 95 yesterday...today it 98. The poor thing. I think I might just douse her anyway.

The disney channel is BLARING behind me. Why my kids watch this shit is beyond me....if they come out with one more stupid show with the title of the main characters, I'm gonna puke. There's the Suite Life of Zach and Cody. That's so Raven. Cory in the HOUSE. Hannah Montana.The Jonas Brothers. I mean - it's what the whole channel REVOLVES around. Whatever happened to MICKEY MOUSE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??! Donald Duck? Who is that? Goofy? Quit calling me Goofy! It's getting outta hand people. I say...Let's get back to basics.

Alrighty...I can't take it any longer. I'm going to go prep the PORK and get my swimsuit on and jump into the rather large blow up pool we have in the backyard. White Trash you say? Yeah...well... screw off. I'm damn hot and just be glad my fat ass in doing this in the BACKYARD! You COULD live across the street and I COULD be doing this in the FRONT YARD! Yes...you just thank your LUCKY STARS and I'll see you later.

I LOVE GAY MEN!

That's right. You read the title correctly. I LOVE GAY MEN! Say what you will...feel what you will...but the Gay Populous in Tacoma, WA and I get along like peas and carrots!

The Gaybor's (Gay Neighbors) held their annual Summer Party...to which, we are invited...not just because it's the "neighborly thing to do", but because they actually regard my husband and I their friends and our daughters their honorary nieces. No kids are allowed @ this party, however. And...if you've ever spent much time at a Gay Man party, you know what I mean.

So the evening was filled with everyone admiring my Ta-Ta's...I wore a tank top just for the occasion. They love my boobs. It's the one thing they don't have. I beleive next year I will have a picture of "the girls" in the Summer Party reel they play on the big LCD screen TV. How exciting!

There's something about my neighbor Donavon that makes my heart sing. When he gets about 6 drinks in him, he starts to sing like Ethyl Merman and when he gets beligerent it is the MOST HILARIOUS THING! He (SHE) starts calling everyone out on the carpet, grabbing booties and "junk" and calling everyone "BITCH" and it is truly a sight to behold.

So when we arrive it takes about an hour to go around and hug and kiss all the people that you see twice a year...(they have an annual Christmas Party as well). We run to the basement, make a cocktail, go upstairs and fix a plate o' yumminess and then out to gossip and catch up with the people who have become our friends. Talking about jobs, and loves lost, and crazy vacations. These people are DRIPPING with money too. I cannot tell you how many times we have been invited to Palm Springs for vacation. They say, "Just give us a call and let us know you're going down and we'll get you the keys!" Just sooo open to share everything they have.

So...when it's time to go it takes like 1 1/2 hours to leave because people are WAAAAY drunker than they were when you arrived and spoke to them when you said Hello..and now they want to jump my husband and take his shirt off and they want me to flash the Ta-Ta's - which, for the record, I HAVE NEVER DONE! yeah..so get that picture right outta your head you sick twisted person...HANNAH! (lol) And by the time you're done it's Sunday night at MIDNIGHT when you tried to go home at 10:30 which seemed reasonable at the onset, but you quickly realize that you were WRONG!!!!

So I love GAY MEN! And if you do not currently have a Gay neighbor or two, I suggest you just go purchase a couple and move them in - because GIRLS!?!? IT ROCKS!!!!!!

I love you, I really do...you can ask ANYONE! ~ CARM

SEATTLE SHAKEDOWN!

Hey Gals,

BAAAAAHHHH!!!!!! TODAY IS IT! I'm really REALLY excited/nervous/feel like I'm gonna puke/trying to get ready/can't figure out what I'm going to wear/already have my Tiara in and actually washed the NEW CAR while wearing it!

So that's a LOT of ACTION. I think I need some Pepto...my tummy is getting all JITTERY! My hubby is coming! He got 3 wisdom teeth pulled yesterday and feels GREAT! NO SWELLING EITHER! Wow. I'm freaking out a little. I already told Jessica to put her Tiara ON! LOL

Girls? I am really excited to meet you all. You have no idea. If you like to protect your personal space...just know that it WILL BE INVADED tonight...at least once by ME! I'm a hugger. Let's HUG IT OUT! 1 hour and 54 minutes! BAAAAAAH!!!!!!

Cell Phone Fights

Have you ever witnessed someone arguing with someone on the other end of a cell phone call?

My co-worker just walked in after going down to the 1st floor in the Elevator for break. She came in giggling and I said,"What's up?"...

She said she just rode down in the elevator with a guy who was arguing with someone on his cell phone and the Conversation went something like this:

"I KNOW!!! I can TOTALLY sympathize with you...that's not what I'm SAYING! Hell! I even added you to Facebook! What more do you want."

The thing is this...we don't even need to know what the conversation was about. Just the simple fact that arguing over Facebook was even included in the conversation is HILARIOUS!

Me to my BFF Tammy: Whatcha doin?

Tammy to me: On Facebook...you TOTALLY need to get Farmtown...me and Anna need someone to build farms with!

Me: I'm not playing stinkin FARMTOWN!

Her: Yes

Me: NO! Not until you get a BLOG going on PNN.

Her: PHOOEY!

Me: DO IT NOW!

Her: FINE! I'm GUNNOOO! (gunnoo = going to...it's this little language that we have made up)

Me: Suh-weet!

So she made one up and now I'm practically OBLIGATED to sign up for this damned FARMTOWN application on my Facebook account. ARG! That's all I need.

So be honest. Have you fought/argued with your signifcant other or friends about your Facebook, MySpace, Twitter or some other such nonsense? Spill it...we wanna know.

I love you...I really do...you can ask ANYONE! ~ Carm

ODE to the STEP BASTARD

Hi, I'm Carm. I have a step-bastard. If you need some back story, at the end of this post I will give you some titles to re-familiarize yourself with this person in my life.

The other day, the topic gently turned to how this man treats me on occasion. I say that like it's a rare thing..it's actually a DAILY thing. But I digress..

So the cutest banana in the entire world decided that she was going to make a list of all the snarky comments I could make to him at any given moment and I said something like, "THAT IS SOO GOING IN MY BLOG"...and she said, "I WILL POST ALL SORTSA GOOD STUFF IN THERE FOR YOU." So...without further ado...I'll give you the chance to:

a.) give me some GREAT material to try out on him.

b.) give you a chance to rant about someone in YOUR LIFE that makes you miserable on a semi-daily basis;

and c.) get some belly laughs.

Alrighty...knock yourselves out. Have fun with this. I give everyone permission to copyright enfringe on anything that gets posted here.

Oh yeah...the back story BLOG posts that I've posted: I'll just post the titles since I'm a dork and have no idea how to link anything anywhere: Don't Poop on my Day, Therapy Day at Work, A Tale of Two Dad's.

Thanks for all the material in advance - come back as often as you can! I love you...I really do...you can ask ANYONE! ~ Carm

CSI: Miami? Give me a break

I just watched CSI: Miami for the first time tonight and I ask you...What is all the damn hype about?

From what I can tell....it's riddled with forced dialogue, bad acting and rediculous story lines. I have no idea how this show has remained on TV.

Does anyone out there have any answers? I'm puzzled.

PNN - UNITE! NOW!

Okay....I'm not gonna talk about this any more...as a community we are done dwelling on this. Its. Over. Period. Stop it right now.

Here's what I want everyone to do. I want EVERYONE....EVERYONE who cares about ME and cares what I say to write a positive piece today. There will be nothing NEGATIVE in this piece. COMPLETE POSITIVITY AND SILLINESS.

It's time to turn the page. Let's take back our PNN. It's enough.

I don't want anything negative on any of my BLOG posts for the rest of the day.

Thank you and remember...I love you...I really do...you can ask ANYONE! ~ Love, Carm

Blank Canvas

My mind is blank. I've been trying to write and my mind is completely...BLANK!

I've been thinking for a few days about this. It's something that is bothering me a bit and I don't know what to do about it.

I've been trying to listen to music to get inspired and the only song that seems to speak to me is "Jacob's Dream" by Allison Krauss. And if you've ever heard it...there's nothing that can compare to that writing...so here I sit. Fingers resting on the "home row" of my keyboard...as if they are waiting for lightening to strike within my grey matter. As if that "spark" is all that I'll need to wake me out of this stupor.

For those of you who have this unlimited amount of talent for the written word, I'd like you to know that I am in AWE of you. Everything flows from you in such an organic manner that it seems so phony that I am sitting here trying to force something to show up on my page that has any meat - or tofurkey if you're a vegitarian- or substance to it. I didn't join this site because I thought I had this massive talent that I just had to share with the world. I just really wanted a place to rant and share my silly moments. I feel that I've accomplished this and at the same time feel as though I have fallen short somehow. Meh...I dunno...just that stupid self doubt that creeps in from time to time. One thing is for certain, the following that I have grown to honestly love, is what is inspiring this little smoldering ember that is about to erupt in a full on bonfire.

Perhaps it's because I'm not really a "reader". I suppose that I can read...I just haven't spent any time doing it for the last 18 years. And so...this journey begins with the "Handle With Care" selection for the book club. I bought it last night and also purchased "The Secret Life of Bees" because I totally missed out on that one and wanted to buy it on two separate occasions before the discussion about it but failed both times.

I admit I'm a little excited about awakening the dormant intellect that has become laden with cobwebs since becomming a wife and mother. I know it's there...lurking in the shadows, it's time for me to open the creeky, spooky door that has kept it hidden for so long and expand my horizons.

I look forward to surprising myself with the detail and insight that I have let become withered and lifeless....yet has bore it's head and been replaced with humor and wit. I know that those are attributes that I possess. I can make people laugh. I should be comforted by that. But there's something there...a Blank Canvas...that is waiting for a masterpiece to emerge. With any luck, there will be more than one. Perhaps, I'll create a new section just for this journey.

Stay tuned, this may be a bumpy ride. I love you...I really do...you can ask anyone!!!! ~ Carm

How to waste away the day

It'll start with waking up without an alarm clock or noisy children trying to master the infamous Road Tour on Rockband for PS2. Using the drums no less....

You wake up...stare at the closed curtains, trying to determine if the diffused light that is framing your window is the sun shining brilliantly or the mere grayness of the Washington Sky reflecting off of the cloud cover above.

Pulling the covers around your shoulders and arranging your pillow a bit more fluffily, you try to settle in and perhaps grab the remote and click on the TV for a bit of news, or mindless banter from a movie on HBO, something you're not too interested in following, but the lull of the incessant talking seems to numb your mind a little bit, giving you that heavy eyelid feeling again. You click the volume down a couple notches and it seems as though you drift in and out of conciousness. Aaahhh...like drifting on a cloud, and before you know it, you're in that place...where you try to decide if you're sleeping or floating.

After about 45 minutes of dozing, you naturally wake up, this time you are certain that you'll get up. You throw the covers back and sit on the edge of the bed. With a big stretch you reach for the sky and with any luck you yawn in the middle and feel even more refreshed than you did when you naturally awoke from the doze you just awakened from.

As you menader down the stairs to greet the family that has been awake since dawn, you realize all the tidying up you did the night before gave you the luxury of sleeping in a little later than usual.

A long hot shower awaits. Followed by breakfast with maple syrup and bacon. One of those warm fuzzy meals.

The sun is shining and it feels like the carpet in the living room has been warming itself just so you could walk on the on it with your cold bare feet, as if it was waiting for you to arrive so that it could warm your toes.

Those books that have been waiting eagerly to be read are almost jumping from the shelves into your arms now..beckoning you to take a seat in the chairs that have been warming themselves on the porch just so that you could sit in them. It almost seems like all of this was planned somehow.

You sit down, the chairs as warm as the carpet was...you put on your sunglasses and take in the warm crispness of early afternoon and settle in for a nice read. Chapter by chapter goes by - not a care in the world, just you and the words floating through your mind. You're greeted by Sierra the wonder dog, who wants to curl up just below your legs that are resting comfortably on the wrought iron railing that twists and turns to give a sense of limitation to your porch.

Before you know it, the sun goes down and the warmness of the day goes with it. You move inside and to your pleasure the house stayed clean. While you were taking time to bask in your true self, the household managed to allow you this time without interruption.

How do you waste away your day? Do you spend it calm and quiet or do you party like a rockstar?

Don't POOP on my DAY!

I have a person in my life who constantly POOPS on my DAY! I can be in the BEST MOOD EVER and here he comes...and takes a big ole DUMP all over me.

What is it that brings out the worst in people and makes it so that they seek out the most bubbly person on the planet and decide to PICK PICK PICK until they feel as miserable as they do?

I can't tell you how many times I've given myself the old PEP TALK before I even leave the house in the morning...

Carm...you look MIGHTY cute today! Hair, Outfit, Makeup...you look FABULOUS!  You FEEL fabulous! It's gonna be a GREAT DAY!

Then...it happens...the B-word comes walking by...because LORD KNOWS that Ms. Bubbly Pants never has a bad day...until he goes and POOPS ALL OVER IT!

"GOOD MORNING!", I say to the B-word as he walks past my desk...silence...apparently, GODS GIFT TO THE PLANET isn't ready to have a conversation with me yet and chooses to ignore my salutation. Okay...I let it slide. I've gotten to be a pro at him pooping on my day and overcoming his crappy attitude...like water off a ducks back.

Well...he's got to make a return trip past my desk, right? He's gotta go back to his "cave" so I'll have another chance to throw some "sunshine" his direction and THIS time, I'll make sure I speak up...maybe he didn't hear me the first time, because there's no way he'd just outright ignore me...

Dum-dee-dum...here he comes..."GOOOOOD MORRRNIIING!" - cheezy grin - thinking to myself, "this is it...I'm gonna get a smile outta him now...there's no way anyone could resist that kind of greeting in the morning. Let alone, not smile from ear to ear at the person who gave the greeting...here it comes, he's gonna be nice I can FEEEEEL it!"...

...............................................................................

Wow...did he really just walk by and not acknowledge my existence? I'm his EFFIN step-daughter! Does he need to make sure he doesn't show "favortism" so bad that he can't even show me the courtesy of a Good Morning for Christ's sake?!?!

Huh, that's funny...about 30 steps past my desk, he made sure to say hello to one of the other employees and even stopped and asked how their weekend was. Amazing.

That's it..the pep talk has fizzled again. I can't help but think I have some sort of character flaw that makes this man treat me the way he does.

Someday, I'm gonna get the nerve to say, "QUIT POOPING ON MY DAY!!!"

I love you, I really do...you can ask anyone!

Carm

Therapy Day at Work

Now's your chance for a fast getaway, but if you have a Step-Bastard...this is your lucky day...Step-Bastard is my loving way of referring to my Step-Father. For those of you who hate that word, I'll use B-word everytime I mention him from this point forward.

I have a lot of pent up agression towards this GOD'S GIFT TO THE EARTH so I'll probably just let it all out in short scathing bursts rather than letting it all loose in one post. Besides...it'll make you wanna come back for more, right? Bleh...whatever.

I should be working, but instead I'm going to vent. Speaking of working...I am currently employed by the B-word. Yes, that's right, I'm a glutton for punishment.  I think I have guilt issues and it stems back from being the child of an alcoholic parent, I believe. My biological father is a raging alcoholic, wife abuser, girlfriend abuser, drunk driving, hazzard that I'm afraid will one day kill some innocent family while chauferring himself from one tavern or bar to another and it KILLS ME to know that the police force in whatever town he lives in right now continues to allow this person to drive.

Shall we start at the beginning?

So my Mom divorced my Bio-Dad not once but twice and he was drinking the whole time, knocking the crap outta her. Fun times, right?  Yeppers on the Peppers. The second time they divorced, I beleive I was just about 6 or 7. And that was the end of that.

Mom married the B-word when I was about 7-8. My childhood was peppered with visits to the Bio-Dad on the weekends, mostly until I was about 15. We (my younger brother and I) would go 2-3 years without seeing him at a time. One of the first times I remember my B-word crying was when my Bio-Dad showed up once to pick my brother and I up for the weekend and the B-word told him to leave because he showed up drunk. We were packed and everything. I remember several times, leaning up against the couch peering through the window sheers waiting to see if I could see headlights coming in my direction. More times than I can probably count using my fingers and toes. Sometimes he would show...sometimes he wouldn't.

I remember vividly one Christmas when the B-word and my Mom and my brother were in the family room watching TV and my Bio-Dad came by to give my brother and I gifts for Christmas morning and the B-word refused the gifts. I can't imagine the drinking binge that resulted. About 10 years later, we were cleaning out our garage and the B-word said, "Hey kids, your Dad wanted you to have these..."...and threw a plastic bag in our direction, in it were the wrapped presents he had left at the doorstep when the B-word sent him away.

And excuse me if I drop a few f-bombs here, but what the F*#$ is that all about?!? Why the hell would he save it and why the hell when we were about 16-17 years old would he think it would be funny to let us see on all the things that we didn't get because the B-word decided to be an a-hole that day. Little did I know...that was just the tip of the iceberg.

Another day of Therapy at work!

I love you, I really do...you can ask anyone!

Carm